Hola amigos, your pal Señor Juan is back with more advice!

Many people send Juan email say “Juan why you no post two Dear Juan article last month?” Juan know he say two article every month but Juan very busy now.

In September Uncle Paco buy lunch truck and say “You drive lunch truck Juan por favor”. Juan say yes that is fine. Juan drive lunch truck to many place and sell many taco and burrito to hungry gringo who like Mexican food. Juan very busy but Juan still try do two article every month. But Juan get very busy and no have time to answer many question on AJnet website like he want. Juan tell AJ no have time do two Dear Juan article every month anymore Juan very sad but AJ tell Juan it is fine because AJ hire other new writer who also write article for AJnet website. AJ say family come first go help Uncle Paco and answer question when have time.

Juan try answer question every month you still send Juan question and Juan try give advice.

First question Juan answer from woman who no sure she want to move in with boyfriend.

Dear Juan,

Me and my boyfriend have been together for over a year. Recently he asked me to move in with him. I love him and we’re very happy together but I’m not sure I’m ready to live with him. What should I do?

– Allison M.

Señora Allison you ask Juan very tough question make Juan think hard.

First Juan say you no ready then you no move in with boyfriend. Then Juan think about rent. Rent es muy caro, Juan pay gringo landlord $1250 every month live in dangerous neighborhood. Juan see man outside stick dirty drug needle in arm why Juan pay mucho dinero see man do drug in front of house? Juan tell AJnet Studio landlord Marc and Marc say yes that is market now everything cost mucho dinero. AJ say blame gringo president Joe Biden but Joe Biden no own house Juan live in.

Señora Allison you move in with boyfriend you save mucho dinero. But Juan understand you no ready that is fine too. You no move in first you stay over boyfriend house many night. You no live at house you just spend a lot of time at house so it is like living at house but no live there. You spend a lot of time with boyfriend at his house and you see if you like it. You like it then yes Señora Allison you move in and only pay half of rent. You save mucho dinero and buy big TV and new car with extra money.

Best of luck to you amiga.

Juan tell Señora Allison buy new car with mucho dinero. Next question ask Juan pay mucho dinero replace engine or buy new car.

Dear Juan,

I need some car advice!

The engine on my 2003 Camry seized up on me. I took it to the shop and they want $6,300 to replace it! That’s what you’d call “mucho dinero”! But I looked at used cars and everyone wants $15,000 or more. I’m trying to save up to buy a house right now, I don’t want a car payment! WWJD (what would Juan do?)

– Adam B.

Juan read question and have many question too Señor Adam.

You say shop charge $6300 for new engine. Where you take car? Juan no mechanic but tell Mi Primo Hector who is mechanic and Mi Primo Hector laugh and say tell gringo Adam shop steal from customer. Mi Primo Hector say yes engine very expensive but no pay $6300. Mi Primo Hector say he charge customer $4000 for engine parts and labor what else shop charge gringo Adam for? Mi Primo Hector say tell gringo Adam he must call other place see price there because $6300 is too much. Juan say yes Mi Primo Hector you are right. Señor Adam you must call other shop too you call other shop you find better price and no pay $6300.

Juan also want to know where you buy used car from. You say used car $15000 but Juan know you no pay that much. Yes Señor Adam used car expensive but Juan find used car $8000 and Juan even find used car cheaper. Juan no know where you live but Juan sure you find cheaper car too. Are you blind like gringo musician Stevie Wonder why you no look around find lower prices?

You no tell Juan if car have other problem. Mi Primo Hector say Toyota Camry is good car and last long time you take good care of car but maybe you no take care of car so it have many problem. You replace engine what else you replace? You spend mucho dinero fix many problem but maybe it is cheaper to buy used car instead. Señor Adam sometimes you must look ahead at future. Yes you only pay for engine right now but maybe next month you pay for transmission too and month after that you also pay for alternator. You pay mucho dinero keep fix car that break or you pay mucho dinero and buy new car that no break all the time.

Señor Adam you must ask yourself if it is worth it to keep spending money to fix car or maybe it is time to buy new car. Juan think it is time to buy new car because you drive car that is 20 years old and break down. You call many place find good price on new car or new engine you no pay $6300 unless you buy new car.

Best of luck to you amigo.

Last question from stupid idiot who think he funny but Juan answer anyway.

Dear Juan,

What came first: The chicken or the egg?

– Ty G.

Juan say your mom come first when Juan have sex with her why you ask stupid question Señor Ty this is advice article not class de filosofia. That is fine Juan still answer stupid question.

Very long time ago Señor Dios create universe and world. Señor Dios also create human Adán and Evita too and tell them no eat apple. Adán and Evita no listen to Señor Dios and eat apple. Señor Dios very mad and tell Adán and Evita they must go now. Señor Dios very mad and also very hungry too because Adán and Evita eat his apple so he create egg. Señor Dios eat egg and say “This is very good I want more” but Señor Dios no want create egg every time so Señor Dios say “yes I make pollos make egg for me”. Señor Dios make pollos and pollos make mucho huevos. Señor Dios say “gracias pollos now I make huevos rancheros” and make tortilla too but that is other story no have to do with pollos and egg.

Señor Dios make egg first so egg come before chicken Señor Ty. Juan answer stupid question now you go away you no bother Juan with stupid question again you ask stupid question again Juan kick you in huevos.


Do you have a problem and need Juan’s advice? Send Juan an email at [email protected], or leave a comment below (Disqus required, it’s free to sign up)!

Avatar photo

By Señor Juan

AJ’s oldest friend and AJnet’s resident advice columnist, Señor Juan has been an AJnet Staff member since 2008, when AJ first hired him to pose for a picture and slash a neighbor’s tires. Since then Juan has been a valued member of the team, earning his American citizenship, piloting the AJnet Huey, and keeping Frosty from getting too carried away. His soothing stories, alleviating anecdotes, and ability to smile in even the most perilous of situations help others find the reassurance they need during troubling and trying times.