The Xyzabcrst Files

File 041123-03 – Taxes

Xyzabcrst asks the Major and the Lieutenant to explain the concept of taxes.

In February of 2023, an unidentified flying object was shot down over Lake Huron and retrieved by the US military. Its sole occupant, an extraterrestrial biological entity named Xyzabcrst, was taken to an undisclosed military facility codenamed “The Grotto” and interviewed by base personnel. The transcripts of these interviews have been provided by an AJnet Organization operative working inside a three letter agency.

The following is a transcript of an interview with Xyzabcrst regarding taxes.


Major: The time is 1126 hours on April 11, 2023. I’m Major [REDACTED], here at the Grotto with Lieutenant [REDACTED] and the extraterrestrial biological entity Xyzabcrst.

Xyzabcrst: Will this take long? I have business I must attend to.

Major: What business do you have to attend to, exactly?

Xyzabcrst: I must file my taxes.

Lieutenant laughs loudly.

Major: That was very funny, Xyzabcrst. I see you’re learning about humor.

Xyzabcrst: That was not humor. I am told that there is only one week left for me to file my taxes.

Major: You’re serious?

Xyzabcrst: Yes.

Major: Xyzabcrst, you know that you don’t have to file taxes, right?

Xyzabcrst: But your government agency known as the Internal Revenue Service says that everyone must pay taxes. Those who do not face detainment in prison. I am already being detained here, I do not wish to be detained in a prison. I have seen your documentaries about what happens in your prisons, and I would not like anything stuck inside any of my orifices.

Lieutenant laughs.

Lieutenant: Don’t drop the soap.

Xyzabcrst: This is not funny. Dropping the soap in an Earth prison leads to violent nonconsensual sexual intercourse. My species cannot procreate with humans in this way.

Major: Well you don’t need to worry about that, since you don’t have to pay taxes.

Xyzabcrst: Please explain.

Major: Taxes are only paid by people who work and earn money. Remember, we talked about money last month? (See File 032123-04 ~Editor)

Xyzabcrst: Yes, I recall that conversation.

Major: Well, humans perform work in exchange for money, and when they do the government takes a percentage of that money. This percentage is called “tax”.

Xyzabcrst: I do not understand. Why does the government take these “taxes”? They are not the ones performing the work.

Major: The government takes taxes and uses them to fund the infrastructure.

Xyzabcrst: This is not true though. I have seen your infrastructure. Your roads are crumbling, your residential areas are filthy and crime-ridden, and your people starve in the streets. Your government is not using this money to fund the infrastructure as you say it is, so why do they take money that they did not earn from those who work?

Major: It’s complicated. Maintaining the infrastructure is expensive and-

Xyzabcrst: It is obvious that your government does not spend these taxes on the various things it says it does. What do they spend your taxes on?

Lieutenant: Building underground military bases to hide irritable aliens.

Major: Knock it off, [REDACTED].

Xyzabcrst: Lieutenant [REDACTED] is not wrong. Your government is taking money from those who work and using it to create secret facilities such as this one. They tell the workers that this money is being used to maintain the infrastructure but this is obviously not true. Why do your people allow this theft and misuse?

Major: Because there isn’t any other choice

Xyzabcrst: You could simply not pay taxes. According to my observations your planet’s prison systems are already struggling to support their current populations. If everyone stopped paying taxes then there is little your law enforcement could do about it.

Major: It doesn’t work that way.

Xyzabcrst: Why not?

Major: It just doesn’t, okay?

Xyzabcrst: I do not understand.

Major sighs, and the recording ends.

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Xyzabcrst Files

In 2023 the US Air Force shot down an unidentified flying object over Lake Huron. The object was retrieved and the ship's sole occupant, an alien from the Zeta Reticuli system named Xyzabcrst, was captured alive. The Xyzabcrst Files are transcripts of interviews done by US military personnel with Xyzabcrst, provided to AJnet by an unnamed AJnet operative currently employed at a three-letter agency.