The Writing Team

Meet the AJnet writing team!

 

Angry_Jerk (AJ)

 

Adam “Angry_Jerk” Baker is the CEO of the AJnet Organization, and the Editor-in-Chief of AJnet Magazine. He hails from the fine village of Northeast Philadelphia, where he lives with his wonderful and amazing girlfriend, who definitely isn’t looking over his shoulder as he writes this.

A grizzled internet veteran who’s “seen some shit”, AJ has been creating content for over 20 years. Most of it has been terrible, but that doesn’t stop him from trying. When he’s not hard at work, he can be found watching anime, playing video games, and lifting weights.

 

 

Señor Juan

 

AJnet Magazine’s resident advice columnist, Señor Juan has been on the AJnet staff since 2008, when AJ first hired him to pose for a picture and slash a neighbor’s tires.

Since then, Juan has been a valued member of the team, earning his American citizenship, piloting the AJnet Huey, and keeping Frosty from getting too carried away. His soothing stories, alleviating anecdotes, and ability to smile in even the most perilous of situations help others find the reassurance they need during troubling and trying times.

 

 

Frosty Mugg

 

Frosty is a reckless idiot, a dirty lech, and a drunk bastard.

When he’s not sitting on a bar stool pounding down one beer after another, he’s usually making poor decisions during moments of drunken impulsiveness or firing off half-cocked articles. Due to an incident involving a college girl, Buddhist monks, and a trip across Eastern Europe, the Middle East, and Asia, Frosty is legally required to be intoxicated at all times. We’re honestly not sure how he’s managed to stay alive this long, let alone why we keep him around. Apparently some of you actually like his craziness though, so we’ll let him stay. For now, anyway.

 

 

R.A.N.T.E.R.

 

Raging Angry Negative Typing Electronic Robot, or R.A.N.T.E.R. for short, is an artificial intelligence programmed to create articles for the website when AJ is being lazy doing important stuff.

Repurposed from a salvaged robot named ANTRAN and reprogrammed to write by Carl in the AJnet R&D Team, R.A.N.T.E.R. is mad at the world and the people living in it, and has no problem letting them know that.

No, we’re not just trying to cash in on the AI craze. Give us a break.

 

 

Troy Jackson

 

A graduate of Rutgers University, Troy Jackson is AJnet Magazine’s resident journalist. He writes for the AJnet Newsroom, your source for (un)reliable reporting and completely real (fake) news stories from around the world.

Troy has absolutely no journalism experience whatsoever, and has to resort to making up fictitious news stories that aren’t even funny or clever. Seriously, why did we even hire this guy? You were supposed to check his credentials, Sam. What the hell happened? When someone comes to you claiming that they worked at the Huffington Post and that they’re a Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist, you don’t just take that shit at face value. You could have at least done a Google search or something.

 

 

 

Alex Jonestown

WARNING: TRUTH™ AHEAD!

A proud Texan born and raised, Alex Jonestown is the former host of Truth Troopers Radio, a talk show that brought you the REAL news. Unfortunately The Powers That Be decided that America was not allowed to hear the Truth™ and shut down Alex’s radio show. Now Alex has joined forces with AJnet to continue bringing the Truth™ to the American people and the world at large. We will not be silenced, the Truth™ shall set us free!

We would like to clarify that Alex Jonestown has no relation to that other radio show host from Texas who’s also named “Alex”. None at all.

 

Xyzabcrst

 

In 2023 the US Air Force shot down an unidentified flying object over Lake Huron. The object was retrieved and the ship’s sole occupant, an alien from the Zeta Reticuli system named Xyzabcrst, was captured alive.

Since his (we think it’s a he?) capture, Xyzabcrst has done a series of interviews with US military personnel regarding Earth, its inhabitants, and their behavior. The Xyzabcrst Files are transcripts of those interviews, provided to AJnet Magazine by an unnamed individual whose name is definitely not Charles or Chick currently employed at a three-letter agency whose letters definitely aren’t BDT.

 

 

Timmy Baker

Eight-year-old Timmy Baker is the writer for AJnet Magazine’s “Kewl Kidz Club”. His interests include Fortnite, Minecraft, hockey, and Family Guy. Dislikes include his little brother Aiden, bed times, and homework. Timmy’s teacher, Ms. Lana, says he has a very active imagination.

Timmy also has the coolest uncle in the world, and probably shouldn’t let his mother know that he’s writing articles on this site.

 

 

J.R. Heston

 

A graduate of Rutgers University and a Philadelphia public high school teacher with over 15 years of experience, Joseph “J.R.” Heston is forever a student of history. If only his students actually paid attention.

He has agreed to write articles for AJnet Magazine in order to share his passion for history, and to supplement his income. Seriously, teachers today are sadly underpaid. Then we wonder why this generation is stupid.

 

 

Chef Jeff

Chef Jeff Cicero is a culinary expert with over 25 years of experience in the business. Formerly the head chef at New York City restaurant Ai Fiori, Chef Jeff has agreed to come write for AJnet Magazine.

Why did he leave his job at Ai Fiori? Don’t worry about that. Why are you asking so many questions anyway?