Hola amigos, it is your pal Señor Juan!

Juan receive many email from people all of the time. Juan receive so many email he no answer all of it.

Many people write email have same problem but AJ tell Juan answer different question every time so Juan must answer only one person with problem. Juan answer one person who have same problem as everyone else and hope advice also work for people he no answer.

A lot of people send email about friend zone. Juan no sure what friend zone is so he ask AJ. AJ tell Juan friend zone when you want to have sex with girl but she say “no señor I no want have sex with you we just be amigos”. Juan understand this. Juan understand this very well because this happen to Juan many time in life. Juan help everyone in friend zone by give advice on getting out.

You read this and say “ey Juan what in the hell you say you answer three question every time now you only answer one why you tell stupid lie”. Juan know this but Juan also know many people ask same question on get out of friend zone. Juan no answer only one question. Juan no even answer three question. What Juan really answer is many question from many people. Many people ask same question Juan help them all by give one big answer. Juan tell AJ he do this and AJ say yes is good idea but give it name. Juan ask Frosty for funny name but Frosty make stupid joke about “Juan Big Answer”. Juan say no funny name and call it “Una Gran Respuesta”. So when Juan answer many question with one big answer it called Una Gran Respuesta.

Juan get put in friend zone many time but no always get out so Juan ask other people for advice too before he give own.

First person Juan ask is AJ. AJ say yes many girl put him in friend zone and sometimes he get out but not always. AJ say he get out of friend zone by ignore girl and talk to friend of girl instead. Juan ask AJ how he get girl if he no talk to her. AJ tell Juan he tell girl he like her and she say “I like you too but only as friend”. AJ say he no like girl only as friend because you no have sex with friend so he no waste time talk to girl who no want sex. AJ tell girl “That is fine señora I have many friend and so do you I talk to your friend instead”. AJ tell Juan when girl put you in friend zone it mean she want attention from many boy but no have sex with them. When AJ talk to friend of girl and no her girl get muy celosa because friend get attention not her. Girl want attention so she have sex and if she still no have sex AJ say that is fine too AJ still have sex with friend of girl. AJ sing song by rapper Dr. Dre that Juan no repeat here because it is disrespectful to woman.

AJ tell Juan talk to friend instead but Juan ask other people for advice. Juan go to bodega and see Mi Hermano Rico and Frosty. Juan ask Mi Hermano Rico and Frosty about friend zone. Frosty say yes he know what that is it is level in video game Sonic the Hedgehog. Mi Hermano Rico laugh very hard spill beer on Juan. Juan tell stupid drunk pendejos no friend zone is when girl no want sex only be friend. Frosty run around bodega and say “Look at me I am Sonic the Hedgehog I am in friend zone!” Chinese man Al own bodega tell Frosty no run inside and Frosty run out door and down street. Juan no sure where Frosty go but Mi Hermano Rico say yes he know what friend zone is now.

Mi Hermano Rico tell Juan he no get in friend zone because he no talk to girl who put him there. Mi Hermano Rico say if girl put you in friend zone you must no talk to her. Juan tell Mi Hermano Rico AJ say same thing. Mi Hermano Rico say yes but no talk to girl friend either you must move on with life there are many fish in ocean of life you put dick in ocean it always get wet. What in hell Juan no put dick in ocean what if shark see Juan dick and think it worm Juan no want dick bite by shark.

Next person Juan ask is Uncle Paco. Juan tell Uncle Paco what is friend zone and Uncle Paco say yes that happen many time when he young. Uncle Paco tell Juan woman is stupid and no actually know what she want so when she say “I just want to be friend señor por favor” you must kiss her. Uncle Paco say he do this all of the time it always work but he no do it now because he old and no look good. Juan say you no do this though because you kiss girl who no want kiss that is crime and you go to jail and kiss large man in shower instead.

Juan think about problem and see is woman who put man in friend zone. Woman put man in friend zone then Juan must ask woman how man get out. Juan call Mi Hermana Josefina and ask her how man get out of friend zone. Mi Hermana Josefina tell Juan woman put man in friend zone because woman like man but no like him enough to have sex. Mi Hermana Josefina say she have many friend who are man and she no have sex with them they do fun stuff all the time go to dinner see movie and go shopping at mall. Juan ask Mi Hermana Josefina if man friend gay if not why they go shopping with woman who no have sex with them. Mi Hermana Josefina curse at Juan and say it is okay for man and woman to be friend it no gay. Mi Hermana Josefina ask Juan why man always think about have sex Juan not sure but Juan still want to know how man get out of friend zone. Mi Hermana Josefina say man no always get out of friend zone but sometimes they do.

Mi Hermana Josefina tell Juan about man friend in Ciudad Juárez who really nice to her when stupid boyfriend dump her he say “ey Josefina you no need stupid idiot boy we go to No Te Levantes Honey then go to club and dance and get muy borracho”. Man buy Mi Hermana Josefina favorite flower and say “ey cheer up is not bad is idiot boy loss not yours amiga”. They go dance and have fun and Mi Hermana Josefina say she date him because he nice and make her feel happy. Mi Hermana Josefina also say he cheat on her six month later but that is life.

Mi Hermana Josefina also say many woman trick stupid man who want sex so they buy woman many things and say “I buy you many thing señora now you have sex with me por favor” and that is why man no leave friend zone. You no do this is stupid you spend mucho dinero on woman no mean you have sex unless you spend mucho dinero on woman in Tijuana then yes señor you will have sex.

Juan get a lot of advice on how to get out of friend zone but everyone say different thing. AJ say make girl jealous. Mi Hermano Rico say no talk to girl who put you there. Uncle Paco say kiss girl. Mi Hermana Josefina say be nice and girl date you sometimes. Juan no sure what is good advice but then Juan see everyone give good advice because every girl different and no put man in friend zone for same reason. You get put in friend zone by girl you must look at girl and think about why she put you there then you must do right thing. Sometimes right thing talk to friend sometimes it no talk to girl at all. Sometimes right thing even kiss girl but you must be very careful when you do this or you get beat up and go to jail and you have sex with large man instead. You do this it no Juan fault you no call lawyer and sue Juan and AJnet website. If you no get out of friend zone that is fine too having friend is good Juan have many friend.

Best of luck to you amigos.


Do you have a problem and need Señor Juan’s advice? Leave a comment below (Disqus required, it’s free and easy to sign up) or drop Juan an email at [email protected]!

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By Señor Juan

AJ’s oldest friend and AJnet’s resident advice columnist, Señor Juan has been an AJnet Staff member since 2008, when AJ first hired him to pose for a picture and slash a neighbor’s tires. Since then Juan has been a valued member of the team, earning his American citizenship, piloting the AJnet Huey, and keeping Frosty from getting too carried away. His soothing stories, alleviating anecdotes, and ability to smile in even the most perilous of situations help others find the reassurance they need during troubling and trying times.