Sit back and listen as I tell a tale of bravery and patriotism.
The other day, an arm of the Freemasons known as the “Ancient Arabic Order of the Nobles of the Mystic Shrine” was holding a circus for what they called “charity”. As if! I’m sure this “charity” was actually a means or garnering funds to create a New World Order. The only shrine these Shriners pray at is the shrine of Satan. Because we love our country so dearly, Señor Juan (he’s a legal citizen and has renounced his native Mexico, so he’s American in my book) and I decided to investigate this evil plot firsthand.
Our first objective: Infiltrate the heavily-guarded compound.
Holy shit, these guys looked vicious! I was appalled at how the crowd of sheeple were not only subservient to their NWO masters, but they were actually ENJOYING their subservience! Maybe they were just afraid. I wanted to reach out and touch these poor indoctrinated souls with my Infowars pamphlets (a good Infowarrior never leaves home without them!), but I decided it was way too risky. Thanks to Juan’s natural-born Mexican ability to sneak past guards, we managed to get by without being seen.
Next, we came to a security checkpoint. There was a sign that said “$11 General Admission”, as if saying “We’re so good, you must pay us to be our servants!” I stood horrified as man after woman after child willingly accepted their fate. There was no way I would willingly relinquish any of my money to this plot to erode national sovereignty! Juan pointed out a side entrance with only one guard. We snuck up, and Juan easily took him out:
Upon entering the compound, I started taking pictures. After taking two, my phone’s battery died. Were they on to us? No, my phone’s battery has a shitty lifespan. Infowarriors and Truthseekers, I present to you the next biggest thing since Alex Jones’s infiltration of the Bohemian Grove:
These men- no, these evil soldiers of the New World Order, were standing in groups of three or four. Don’t let their grandfatherly appearance fool you. These evil, cruel, horrific abominations to God will assert their authority over you at a moment’s notice! Know your pecking order, sheep! They may remind you of your kind loving grandpa, but I assure you, the only knee you’ll be sitting on is Bubba’s when they throw you in the FEMA-run gulags (kindly referred to as “mass relocation centers”).
All of a sudden, a booming voice came over the loud speakers. “Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages!” Everyone began to cheer, as if this was the voice of God, our Father. “Are you ready for the circus?” Everyone cheered wildly like the mindless sheeple they are. The disgust was visible in Juan’s face. “First,” the voice continued, “We would like everybody to stand and salute our country!” The sheeple stood up. Out marched the obedient soldiers of the New World Order:
Then I really noticed it. They were carrying the Canadian and Mexican flags, as well as some unknown flag. It hit me like a bag of bricks. They were forcing upon us the idea of a North American Union! They sung the Star Spangled Banner, and the audience of loyal subjects gave a round of thunderous applause to their superiors. I couldn’t take it anymore. I had expected to see some pretty horrific things, but this was terrifying. I panicked and rushed out the exit as fast as I could, while the sheeple stared at me like I was some kind of crazy nutjob, in accordance with their indoctrination.
I waited for Juan at the rendezvous point outside of the complex. Seconds turned into minutes, minutes turned into hours. I began to panic. I had no contact with Juan. Two hours later, Juan came out and told me what a great show I had missed. He told me something about elephants, tigers, and acrobats. Thinking they were some sort of codenames, I began to guess away as to what they might refer to. The elephants may be a reference to the neo-con Republicans, the tigers a reference to Exxon and their mascot, and acrobats a reference to how high they want the gas prices to soar. I began to explain my theory about the Republicans trying to raise gas prices to Juan, but he dismissed them, saying it was “just a show”. FUCK! They’ve infiltrated our movement! They knew we would be there, so they fed us false information!
If you’ll excuse me now, I must go debrief my fellow Infowarriors at the Prison Planet forums.
Hailing from the fine village of Northeast Philadelphia, AJ "The Angry Jerk" Baker has been creating content on the internet for over 15 years. None of it has really been funny or entertaining, but he keeps trying anyway. Maybe he's bored, maybe he's drunk, maybe he's both.