How to make Lime Crema

It’s time for lime! Lime crema, that is!

Hey how you doin’? Name’s Jeff Cicero, and I’m the best chef New York City’s ever seen.

So why’s the best chef New York City’s ever seen over here writing for AJnet? Let’s just say I had a disagreement of sorts with my last employer, things got a little messy, and I needed some cash fast. Why’re you asking so many questions anyway? Don’t worry about nothing, capisce?

Back in February AJnet’s advice columnist Señor Juan wrote a bit about working at his uncle’s taco shop. Juan said his uncle’s specialty taco recipe was a big family secret, said he couldn’t tell the guy how to make one exactly, but it had lime crema on it.

I don’t know how Uncle Paco over there does it, but lime crema ain’t so hard to make. In fact, you can make it with only five ingredients. You can make this, your five year old niece can make this, even your goddamn cat can make this recipe. That’s how easy this is.

Ingredients

First things first, let’s get those ingredients together. You’re gonna need:

Sour cream (16 oz)
Fresh limes (2)
Fresh minced garlic (1/2 tsp)
Salt (1/4 tsp)
Fresh cilantro, finely chopped (2 tbsp)

See, what’d I tell ya? It’s that simple. Ain’t nothing to worry about here, I’ll feed all you fuckers.

Equipment

You wanna do the job then you’re gonna need the right equipment. To make lime crema you’ll need the following kitchen tools:

Mixing bowl (2-3 quart, or medium sized)
Zester or grater
Juicer
Beater

If you don’t got a juicer don’t worry about it, I’ll show you a neat little trick I learned working at a diner in Queens that’ll have you juicing those limes in no time.

Mixing the ingredients

You’ve got the ingredients, now it’s time to put’em together.

Start things off by taking the sour cream and dumping it into a mixing bowl:

Next you’re gonna want to grab your zester or grater, hold the limes over the bowl, and shave the shit outta those tangy little bastards:

Shave the skin off those shits until all you can see is the white stuff underneath.

Next, you’re gonna put the squeeze on those sour SOBs and get all that juicy goodness. You can use your juicer for this, but sometimes you don’t have a juicer. Sometimes you have to pack your bags and get the hell outta town quick for a little impromptu vacation of sorts, and you forget to pack the juicer. Don’t worry about nothing, here’s a little trick I picked up working at a diner in Queens.

Take the lime and roll it around on the table a little bit, applying just a little pressure to loosen it up inside. You ain’t trying to kill nobody here, you’re just trying to loosen their lips a little. Then put it in the microwave for 20-30 seconds:

Once that lime is nice and warmed up, stab him right in the goddamn belly:

Now put the squeeze on him, right into the bowl:

Once you’re all done with the limes, throw in your cilantro, your garlic, and the salt, then take that whisk and beat it like it’s been ducking you for that money it owes you:

Congratulations, you’ve just made lime crema.

How to serve lime crema

You can slap this on your Mexican food, or you can serve it as a dip at a Super Bowl party or family cookout or what-have-you. Me, I’m the kinda guy that’ll buy a bag of lime-flavored tortilla chips and go to town watching a Yankees game.

Before you dig in and start dipping chips and making tacos, you’re gonna wanna let this sit overnight to get the full flavor outta it. Sometimes when you do a job you’ve gotta chill out and let things cool down, y’know?

This lime crema will hold up in your fridge for about four to six days, then it’s time to dump it before it starts stinking up the joint.