I did it again…
That’s right, I’m visiting r/Battlestations for a third time.
You might remember my previous article where I visited the subreddit and critiqued the setups of various users. I had a lot of fun making that article, and you had a lot of fun reading it, so why not keep doing it? Reddit Revue is the perfect place to incorporate this idea, so from now on any r/Battlestations reviews will be under the banner of Reddit Revue. I guess you could call this one a Reddit Review.
…
Anyone?
No?
Aight fuck all y’all then.
Anyway, just like before I’ll be visiting r/Battlestations and judging users on a scale of 1 to 10 based on various important criteria, like aesthetics, originality, and the number of Funko Pops.
Let’s doooooo it!
What the fuck am I even looking at?
This is the dumbest looking setup I’ve ever seen in my life. No LEDs, no Funko Pops, no class, no nothing. For fuck’s sake dude, even your bookshelf is empty. If this setup were food Gordon Ramsay would call it the blandest thing he’s ever tasted and throw it right in the trash, then slap the shit out of the cook and call him a cunt.
The only decor this guy has is a tuft of fake grass in a pot and that stupid face thing for a headphone stand. What the hell even is that thing?! It’s ugly as sin and looks like something an old lady at a thrift store would pass up for being too tacky. Throw a Led Zeppelin poster up on the wall or something.
The giant curved monitor and the two smaller ones above it would be okay and probably get you a point or two if it weren’t for the fact that you have a soundbar. Soundbars are okay I guess, if you like your music and media to sound like complete shit. Get some real speakers. I recommend JAMO. Most people don’t realize this, but JAMO speakers are actually made by Klipsch. They’re basically Klipsch speakers but with slightly lower quality. But don’t worry, someone who uses soundbars probably won’t be able to tell the difference. Go on Adorama, they have bundle deals on JAMO speakers all the time.
Your shit sucks, bro. I guess that’s why your liquor cabinet is right there. You’d have to be fucked up on hard liquor to enjoy this setup let alone think it looks good enough to share with the world. This guy titled his post “Don’t tell my wife how much this costs”. I don’t think you have to worry about that, I’m pretty sure the contents of your liquor cabinet are worth more than this garbage setup.
I give this setup a 2/10.
For some reason this guy uploaded a screenshot of the picture on his phone, instead of uploading the actual picture. Already we’re off to a bad start.
We have minimal LEDs here. I spot just one small strip on the back of the desk (which is the classic Ikea Linnmon/Lagkapten, coupled with the Alex drawers). You attempted to make up for it by using a red light in your desk lamp. Hey, at least you tried. Minor points awarded for the effort.
I don’t see any Funko Pops or other figurines, but I do see the Bleach posters. I think that’s a replica of Ichigo’s mask mounted on the wall? This is why uploading a real picture is important, WiiWii1989. I can’t properly critique your setup if I can’t see it. I’m gonna give you some minor points for the Bleach stuff. Also, my friend keeps demanding that I finally get around to watching this series. I would, but I don’t have the time to watch hundreds of episodes of anything, no matter how good it might be.
I’m definitely going to give you some points for mounting your PC to the wall. It’s something I’ve actually always wanted to do, but I’ve been too lazy to build a wall-mount case. I can also get behind having the TV above your setup since it makes watching movies and playing controller-based games so much easier. Unfortunately, you managed to fuck that up by putting your TV on a shelf. That thing is gonna come crashing down right on your fucking head. I get that you also have what’s either a cable box or a gaming console (seriously dude, image quality…) on there too. You can keep the shelf, but please, for your own safety, mount the TV to the wall. That’s a 40″ TV, right? A mounting kit costs like $20, and if you can install a shelf you can definitely install a TV mount.
The rest of the setup really isn’t noteworthy. Standard bookshelf speakers, a Blue Snowball mic (which for some reason isn’t on a stand), and what I think is an aquarium. You also have the same knock-off racing-style chair that I had during my early streaming days in 2017. It was cheaper than a DX Racer, but it only lasted me about two years before I felt screws poking my ass through the seat.
This setup is definitely better than that bland piece of shit before it, but it’s nothing to write home about. I’ll give it a 5/10.
This is the kind of thing that happens when you have too much money and no idea what you’re doing.
In case you couldn’t tell, this person doesn’t actually have 16 monitors. They’ve taken a 65″ Samsung 8K TV and opened their browser on it 16 times to give the illusion that they have 16 1080p monitors. Why? I have no fucking idea, but it looks retarded and serves absolutely no purpose. And look how close he’s sitting to it. You’re going to fuck your neck and your eyes up like that.
I assumed this guy was a day trader, but scrolling through the comments revealed that he’s the head of IT for a data company. Even day traders don’t need this many windows open. This guy is doing this as some sort of weird flex. He thinks he looks cool, but in reality he looks like a colossal douchebag. What a waste of an 8K TV, and a Samsung no less.
The rest of his setup is bland. Basic bitch bookshelf speakers, a basic bitch minimalistic keyboard, and an ugly orange mousepad that clashes with everything else. Also, this guy felt the need to mention that his coffee mug contained coffee from Tim Hortons, and immediately other Canadians dogpiled onto the comment to blow the company. For some reason Canadians on Reddit love going out of their way to mention Tim Hortons and how much they love it. Seriously, it’s fucking weird and kind of cult-like. I’ve never been to Canada (and I doubt I’m allowed in after all the stuff I’ve said over the years, Trudeau probably read this website and cried into his copy of the Communist Manifesto for five hours straight), but I’m 99% sure Tim Hortons is nowhere near as good as Canadian Redditors make it out to be.
This setup gets 0/10. Your setup is stupid and pointless, just like your existence.
I want to like this setup, but I just can’t.
You’ve got plenty of LEDs, and you even have a whole theme going with them. Unfortunately, that theme is The Matrix. I have nothing against the Matrix Trilogy, they’re enjoyable movies. But theming your whole setup around it is just too overdone. I’d be willing to overlook that if your setup actually looked good, but it’s mediocre at best. I think maybe it’s the lamp in the corner that’s throwing the entire thing off for me. Get a color-changing bulb, they’re not that expensive, especially for someone who owns an Elgato XL.
You have two keyboards and two mice on your desk, and I’m not sure why. It’s obvious the keyboard isn’t actually connected to anything, otherwise it would be lit up. What’s the point of having that clutter on your desk? Points deducted for being a slob. I also don’t see any speakers or headphones. If you have speakers, then they’ve gotta be behind the monitors, which means very bad placement.
The “Stay home and game on” sign is tacky and generic. Points deducted.
There’s not really much else to say about this setup. I don’t even know why I said I wanted to like it. I don’t want to like it. I don’t even want to look at it anymore. 4/10, generic garbage.
Every now and then, you find a setup that’s so bland that it actually looks kind of good.
This is obviously someone’s home office, yet they’ve managed to make it look both aesthetic and comfy. Under normal circumstances the gray paint would look very bland and sterile, but through proper decor this person has managed to make that bland color work to their favor and created what looks like a professional yet still casual environment.
This is one case where the RGB LEDs would look silly. Instead, Merc_R_Us has opted to use some kind of light pole things that I’ve never seen before (turns out my trusted Govee makes these too). They provide just the right amount of subtle ambiance that this setup requires to look good.
I see several Funko Pops on the shelves (which, while bland on their own, also serve to enhance the aesthetic). Points awarded. And, holy shit, is that fucking Labyrinth on the bottom shelf?! I loved that shit as a kid, this makes me want to go out and buy another one. Points awarded. The rest of the stuff on the shelf isn’t bad either, and just further enhances the environment.
The rest of the setup is okay, I can’t really find any faults in it. The wooden blinds are a nice touch, even the Star Wars posters bring something to the table. I actually like this setup, it’s professional and sleek. 7/10.
And this is a prime example of a setup that’s so bland you wonder why the person bothered to share it.
This setup is so sterile that if Christopher had panned the camera a little further to the left you’d be able to see a doctor performing surgery. Seriously, this is one of the blandest setups I’ve ever seen posted on Reddit. The first setup in this article was bland, but this guy said “Oh yeah? Hold my beer.” It’s so bland that I didn’t even bother to come up with something more original and better than the old “Oh yeah? Hold my beer” joke.
The setup sucks so hard that this guy routinely gets bored and does origami to pass the time, as evidenced by the little origami things in front of the plants. Hell, he’s so bored he even started collecting rocks minerals in front of his window. If my setup was this boring and unstimulating I’d keep a bunch of hard liquor next to it too.
In fact, this setup is so stale, boring, and bland that I don’t know what else to even say about it. I can’t stop yawning while looking at it. Put some lights somewhere, or at least throw a fucking poster up on the wall. 1/10, I’m moving on with my life.
Holy clutter, Batman!
This desk is a fucking mess, and I have no idea how you managed to do it. It’s not like the stuff is strewn all over the place, it’s actually arranged fairly neatly. And yet you still managed to make your desk look like a disorganized mess. I actually almost want to award you points for this because the contradiction you’ve somehow created on your desk is a work of art. Maybe it’s the sheer amount of stuff you have condensed neatly into one small place that makes it look so cluttered? I don’t know, but it’s still ugly. Points docked.
This setup is the personification of “Tell me you’re part of fake nerd culture without telling me you’re part of fake nerd culture.” You’re most likely wondering how I have this person pegged as a fake nerd, or assuming it’s because of the overbearing videogame or Star Wars decor. You’re only partially right. The true giveaway that person is a fake nerd is the fact that they’ve got not one, but TWO BB-8 figures on their desk. No real nerd likes the new Star Wars trilogy, period. I can even overlook the Claptrap figure, because, while Claptrap is annoying as all fucking hell and I’m pretty sure his and Handsome Jack’s dialogue were basically just posts lifted from Reddit, I can say that you might be the only person I’ve ever seen with a Claptrap figure. Points awarded for having a figure most people don’t seem to have, but I’m docking you twice as many points for being a filthy fucking poser who likes the new Star Wars trilogy. Seriously, I’d have forgiven you if it was Baby Yoda or something, since Mandalorian isn’t a bad addition to the franchise. But fuck you for supporting J.J. Abrams’ and Disney’s assault on what used to be one of the greatest sci-fi franchises in history.
I was going to compliment you on the retro radio and retro Polaroid camera, but just like your so-called “nerdiness” those are probably fake too. 0/10, unironically kill yourself you fucking fraud.
The title of this one was “Lady Anime/Nerdo Station”.
A rookie battlestation reviewer might assume from that title that this setup belongs to a MTF trans person. A logical assumption for those of you who grew up with the “Rules of the Internet” and are familiar with Rule 37. However, being a seasoned battlestation reviewer and an even more seasoned internet veteran I can safely say that DesperateCow is in fact a biological female.
This is, without a doubt, the setup of a fat chick. Aside of course from her username, there are multiple tells, like the Harry Potter sticker pad on the peg board, the Tanjiro earrings, and the hand writing on the little blue sticky note (which also reveals the phone numbers of her clinic as well as someone named “Jackson”). The Snorlax light is also another giveaway. But the real giveaway? The Levi poster behind the monitors. For some reason girls fucking love Levi from Attack on Titan, especially fat girls. I have no problem with Levi, while he can be an edgelord at times I still think he’s a pretty solid character. I’m just confused as to why girls latched onto him. If anything I’d have expected them to latch on to Armin before anyone. Even Eren would’ve been less surprising. I ordered a random assortment of AOT stickers from AliExpress, and like 75% of the pack was Levi fanart. If any female anime fans are reading this perhaps one of you can explain to me the appeal of Levi, because I’m pretty damn confused on this one.
Moving onto the setup, I can’t find much to complain about here. I dig the Snorlax light, I dig the Levi poster, I dig those drink coasters that say “Don’t FUCK UP the table”, and I dig the overall cleanliness and organization of the desk. There’s no Funko Pops or LEDs, but this is one of the few instances where I can overlook that.
Nice setup, 7/10. Lose some weight and I’d probably consider boinking you if I ever split up with my girlfriend.
If I were 10 years old I would love the fucking shit out of this setup.
Unfortunately, three and a half decades on this Earth has left me a cynical miserable fucking bastard. Time to tear this shit apart.
This is what I’d expect the setup of an autistic 10 year old to look like. I can just picture some kid on Fortnite sitting at this desk calling me a “nigger” and telling me how he fucked my mom. We get it bro, you like space.
I liked space once too. I was going to grow up to be a star player for the Philadelphia Flyers and an astronaut on the side, I was so sure of it. I even looked into joining the Air Force when I was in high school, we had an Air Force ROTC program and everything. I was going to fly the planes and bomb some hadjis for a few years, then apply to NASA. I had my roadmap all planned out. Then I failed a vision test at school in my sophomore year and found out that they won’t let you fly the planes if you don’t have 20/20 vision. My dreams were shattered. Instead I had to settle for running this stupid ass website. Your setup brought back those painful memories for me. Fuck you, VaultPlunder1337.
Your setup is okay I guess. 5/10. Get a few Funko Pops and I’ll swing you a 6.
Hey, I use that same wallpaper on my phone.
I’m totally digging this setup, honestly. Under normal circumstances I’d say that monitor configuration looks stupid and impractical, but for some reason I feel like it works for this person. The only thing I’d change would be putting Discord on the side monitor. A5Productions is going to have terrible neck pain in five years. I also think it’s highly impractical to have a rounded corner desk but not have you primary monitor in the corner. Hmm, come to think of it I have no idea why I said the setup works for this person. It has potential, but it’s being squandered by piss poor layout. Points docked.
What I DO like are the Legos. I think those are the 90’s space sets? I had those, they kicked ass. Glad to see someone with Legos in their setup for once. Forget Funkos, Legos are the way to go. Points awarded.
Another soundbar? Ugh, why do people buy those things? They suck, you can get a decent set of bookshelf speakers and a receiver for the same price if not cheaper, and your music and media won’t sound like putrid dog shit. Soundbar speakers are only good if you’ve managed to capture a Chinese or Russian spy and you want to interrogate them, so in order to break their will you play Yoko Ono songs on loop. Take it from me, a seasoned CIA interrogation specialist. If you blast Yoko Ono through a soundbar speaker, your subject will be talking in under five minutes without fail every time. Go on Adorama and grab yourself a pair of JAMO speakers. JAMO is literally made by Klipsch and rebranded, my whole house is wired with JAMO speakers and I get mad bitches and make fat stacks. Points docked for shit sound, step up your audio game.
Speaking of audio, is that an LED microphone? That’s actually pretty awesome, I didn’t know they made those. Man, I must be getting old and out of touch. Does it come with software to control the colors, and sync up with music? Points awarded.
The rest of the setup isn’t anything special, but it isn’t bad either. I dig the vibe, 6/10. Get some real speakers and maybe a couple more posters and I’ll bump it up to a 7.
This is the set-up of a woman who fucks dogs. You just know.
Also, Letterkenny sucks (she has a Letterkenny Fire Department sticker on her computer case). I watched the first three seasons of it, it was funny for like five episodes, then I started to realize it was literally just the same exact jokes over and over. Trailer Park Boys (the Clattenburg era, anyway) shits all over this unfunny show.
0/10, “KelseyKrawDaddy” is the gayest shit I ever heard in my life, and no amount of LEDs or Funko Pops will fix that. I bet the dog’s name is “Daddy”, and Kelsey here “kraws” for him so he’ll mount her. I bet your husband films it for you too, sicko.
“Fuck off”.
Okay.
0/10, go fuck yourself you conceited prick.
I had every intention of shitting all over this setup, but I just can’t do it.
That giant Nike box is the coolest fucking thing I’ve ever seen. I’m not even simping for the brand, I don’t even know what shoes I’m wearing right now (a glance downward says they’re Under Armour). I don’t know if the person made this themselves or if it’s made of wood or any of the details behind it, but it’s fucking baller and I want one even though I have no room for it. Points awarded.
The LEDs in this room are pretty dope too and set a chill ambience in conjunction with the Nike box. This person either found lit poster frames, or made them themselves. Either way, awesome. Points awarded.
Nice monitor setup, that’s how you do triple monitors without looking like a scrub. You also have the TV above you angled, so you won’t fuck up your neck. I’m also a fan of the shelf in between the monitors and the TV, I never thought to do something like that. It works, it adds class to the setup, as does the red light bar underneath it. Points awarded.
Speaking of bars, points lost for the soundbar.
Moving on to the overall decor, I like it. I’ve always been a fan of those shelving units (I think they’re from IKEA?), I just never got around to buying them for myself. I actually wanted to get them mainly for my hats, but they’re great for displaying other stuff too as this person has demonstrated.
That cube light is neat, I want one. The hand decorations are a little weird but I’m not gonna knock it. You’ve also got a GameCube on display. Not personally a big fan of the Switch and I can’t get into the VR gaming but that’s just, like, my opinion, man. They still look good on the shelves. That random box of Reese’s Puffs on the shelves works too, even though it should look weird. I can see the owner of this setup busting out a bowl of cereal and bumping some dope ass beats (seriously, ditch the soundbar) while they clown on people in Call of Duty or Fortnite. Points awarded.
I have so many questions about that white bear thing on your floor. Is that a giant unpainted Winnie the Pooh LEGO minifigure? God I fucking hope so. No matter what it is, points awarded.
That poster is pretty awesome too. I have no idea what anime it’s for but I sure as hell want to watch it whatever it is. Points awarded.
I love this setup. Get a good stereo system in here and it would be perfect. 8/10, I’m pretty sure this is Kanye West’s setup.
Sweet baby Jesus, what do we have here?
This is a setup with PIZZAZZ! I don’t even know where to start.
Earth hasn’t been invaded by aliens yet, and we have this guy to thank for it. The sheer amount of LEDs is enough to be visible from space, and most likely blinds any would-be alien invaders upon their approach. That alien light is basically a giant middle finger to those aliens, saying “My lights blind the shit out of you big-headed bastards and there isn’t a damn thing you can do about it! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”. Stay off our planet, alien dirtbags! I for one salute this man and applaud his valiant defense of our planet through the power of Govee light strips. The sheen of the tiles only serves to enhance his ocular assault. This man is a damn military genius. No wonder he’s playing Civilization II. I bet after that he went on to play Command and Conquer: Red Alert 3 or something equally strategic. And all while listening to Slaughter to Prevail no less! Outsmarting aliens, conquering the world, and curb-stomping Russians while listening to Russia’s most brutal metal band. This guy is probably pumped as fuck all the time and has to blow off steam by hitting the weights while utilizing what he learned from Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Encyclopedia of Modern Bodybuilding.
Look at all those anime figures. Is that fucking Shin-Chan in front of a naked Mitsuri from Demon Slayer? A Korosensei plush? We’ve got Attack on Titan, more Demon Slayer, Hatsune Miku, Saitama and Tatsumaki, and even motherfucking L from Death Note! Holy fuckballs, is that Hei’s mask from Darker Than Black?! And if this dude wasn’t Japped out enough, he’s also got an original Famicom and Super Famicom in the boxes! This guy isn’t just Japped out, he’s Japped THE FUCK OUT!
Don’t get him wrong, this isn’t a man who hates America. There’s plenty of love for American TV here too. Drew Carey Show collectibles of Drew and Mimi adorn those shelves on the left, along with some Breaking Bad stuff and Rick and Morty (clearly this man is also an intellectual).
“Well this is great and all I guess, but where’s the Funko Pops?” I hear you, and so did this guy. Check it:
Look at dem Pops.
We’ve got plenty of Funko Pop representation here. Starship Troopers, Back to the Future, and They Live at the top, then on the second shelf we’ve got Eminem’s character from 8 Mile standing next to Corey Motherfucking Taylor (side note: Corey, never do that CMFT shit again homie) and Biggie. Rap and metal standing side-by-side as Allah intended. That section of the shelf must be for hardcore fucking pimps only, because next to them we’ve also got Steve Irwin and the Hamburglar, two of the most hardcore motherfuckers to ever grace this Earth with their presence.
Still, that’s not a lot of Funko Pops. Is this guy a worthless Funko Peasant or something?
Ron FUCKING Paul, LOOK AT THAT.
Just when you thought he was done, that those Pops were all he had, BOOM, from fucking left field!
Hurley and Sawyer, two of the best Lost characters. It sucks this guy doesn’t have John Locke, the best character, but I bet that’s just because the Locke Pops were sold out or something. We’ve also got The A-Team and James Bond, and- OHMYFUCKINGGOD IS THAT V?! Holy shit, this guy is such a Funko Pimp that he has Funko Pops for a semi-obscure sci-fi series from the 80’s!
The rest of this setup is stellar. Holographic anime posters of JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure, Death Note, and the shifters from Attack on Titan. Is that a freaking Sega Genesis mounted to the wall?! Damn son, I bet this guy plays mad retro games. It also looks like that Trivium poster is autographed, sick bro. I’m a little unsure why the orange tiling near the ceiling just abruptly stops but whatever, this guy was probably just too busy doing something like running the best website on the entire internet while also being the mastermind behind a secret organization dedicated to deposing the Illuminati and claiming the world for himself.
I give this setup 0/10. This guy is just trying too hard. He thinks he looks cool, but really he’s just a massive fucking loser who probably has no friends. Throw it in the trash, like this guy has already done with his life.