Hola amigos! It is your pal Señor Juan!

Juan really happy giving advice on AJnet website. Juan get many email from many people with many problem but no answer it all because AJ tell Juan only one a month. Juan want to give more advice because everyone say Juan advice muy bueno and help them. Every week Juan ask AJ if he do more Dear Juan article but AJ always say “No do just one right now, maybe do two later”.

One day Juan come to AJnet studio and see AJ look at gringo website Reddit. Juan ask AJ why he go on Reddit site when he always say he no like it. AJ tell Juan he make new series called Reddit Revue and make fun of stupid people on Reddit site like he do with other series Trolled!. Juan remember when AJ tell him go to Arthur’s Hall website and make many post on forum. Juan get sad but then Juan get idea.

Juan say if AJ no let do two Dear Juan article in one month that is fine. Instead Juan do Reddit Revue article. Juan ask AJ and AJ say yes do Reddit article. Juan go to r/Advice and find many people who need advice there. Juan give them advice here but this no Dear Juan article this Reddit Revue so Juan no break rule.


First Juan see question from gringo with bad parents.


Señor Jordan, Juan have problem like this before too. Long time ago when Juan live in Ciudad Juárez Juan see Mi Hermano Rico steal beer from store. Owner also see Mi Hermano Rico steal beer from store and tell polícia. Polícia find Mi Hermano Rico and say “ey pendejo why you no pay for beer”. Mi Hermano Rico no have money to pay bribe so he say “What you talk about I no steal beer polícia”. Mi Hermano Rico ask Juan “ey Juan tell polícia I no steal beer right”. Juan not sure what to do but then Juan realize Mi Hermano Rico very good brother and even if he do bad thing sometimes that is okay because he still good to Juan. Juan tell polícia “No señor Mi Hermano Rico no steal beer from store, he buy from other store and owner no see him come in with it”. Polícia say okay and leave.

Juan tell lie because Mi Hermano Rico good brother. Juan read question and see Señor Jordan have very bad family. Señor Jordan family is very important but your family no treat you good so you no lie to polícia when they ask about gringo sister. When family say “ey Jordan why you tell polícia what happen” you must tell them it is because they no help you so why you help them. Juan know it is hard but Señor Jordan you must be strong and no let family treat you like man Juan see clean toilet at McDonald bathroom.

Next, Juan see question from person who meet partner parents for first time and no sure what to do.

Juan no sure if you boy or girl because you no say but that is fine Juan still give advice that help.

Many year ago when Juan come to America Juan meet beautiful woman Bonita Alyssa. Juan and Bonita Alyssa go on many date for three month. Juan and Bonita Alyssa also have mucho sex too so that is good. Bonita Alyssa ask Juan if she girlfriend. Juan say yes because Juan want gringa wife who help Juan become American citizen and because Juan like hot crazy sex with Bonita Alyssa. Bonita Alyssa say okay now we go to gringo restaurant Applebee’s and you must meet gringo parents too. Juan very scared so he ask Uncle Paco what to do. Uncle Paco tell Juan be nice and wear good shirt but not too good or gringo parents think Juan try to trick them. Uncle Paco give Juan blue dress shirt with button and tell Juan wear nice jean pants too. Juan go and have good time with Bonita Alyssa and gringo parents by telling funny story about Mi Hermano Rico and Dirty Pablo. Gringo parents like Juan and tell Bonita Alyssa Juan very good. Two month later Bonita Alyssa cheat on Juan with stupid gringo at bar but that is life.

You wear nice shirt and you tell partner parents funny story about crazy gringo friend and you do good.


Juan see woman who no get haircut she want but no say anything.

Juan see question and remember when Juan have nice hair and no go bald. Juan no get bad haircut but Juan have similar problem at restaurant in Tijuana.

Juan order chicken enchilada but waitress bring out beef enchilada instead. Juan tell waitress “ey why you bring me beef señora I ask for chicken”. Waitress tell Juan cook make mistake but restaurant no waste food so Juan must eat anyway. Juan on diet and no eat red meat but waitress no care and tell Juan go fuck yourself. Juan get mad at first but then Juan decide no get mad get even.

Juan get up and go to bathroom. Juan walk past waitress carrying taco tray to hungry table. Juan accidentally trip and bump into waitress and make her drop food all over floor. Waitress get mad but Juan say “Oops sorry señora I trip by accident”. But it not really accident Juan do it on purpose. Juan see owner come out and yell at waitress because she waste food. Juan laugh then go to bathroom and poop on floor then climb out window and no pay for food he no order.

Señora you no get haircut you want so what you do about it? Hair dresser no uncut hair she already cut but that is okay because you ask her cut bill too. Juan no see hair dresser but Juan know everyone make mistake so you must be nice when you say she cut hair too short. Juan nice when he tell waitress she give him wrong food and waitress still tell Juan go fuck himself but Señora that no mean hair dresser tell you go fuck yourself too. Say “Excuse me señora por favor, I think you cut hair too short on accident. Is okay I know you no do on purpose, how we fix though?” Hair dresser say sorry and give you discount and if she tell you go fuck yourself then you must poop on floor and no pay.

Juan do one more question. This one from short gringa with tall gringa boss who make joke about her.

Juan see you say situation get you down and laugh because you short but Juan stop laughing because you no like joke about height and Juan no make you feel bad when you ask for help. Juan very sorry for making joke.

Gringa boss like to make fun of you because you short. That is because gringa boss very tall and really no like being tall. Juan think gringa boss hit head on door way many time and that why she make stupid joke about you. Juan no see gringa boss but Juan think if she tall she look like wife from old gringo cartoon Popeye. You must remind her of this Señora. Every time you walk by gringa boss office you say “oh Popeye!” like Popeye tall ugly wife. When gringa boss say “ey Señora why you keep make joke about cartoon character” you say to her “why you keep make joke about my height you no fuck with me puta”.

If gringa boss no look like Popeye wife that is fine too Juan know many joke about tall people they are very good and Juan tell you them. When gringa boss say you short you ask her “ey gringa boss how is weather up there”. Then you call her gringo basketball player Shaquille O’Neal and ask why she no make free throw. Gringa boss get mad but you must be strong Señora you must tell gringa boss she make joke about you short you make joke about her tall. You keep make joke until gringa boss cry then you sing song “Big girls don’t cry” like Fergie. Gringa boss get sad and quit job then you become boss and make mucho dinero.


Juan really like do Reddit Revue article and hope AJ say do more soon. Juan also like give advice too so please tell AJ let Juan do Dear Juan article two time in one month. Juan have many gringo reader who need advice and Juan want to help them.

Best of luck to you amigos.

What do YOU think, readers? Should we let Juan do two Dear Juan articles a month? Let us know in the comments! ~Editor

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By Señor Juan

AJ’s oldest friend and AJnet’s resident advice columnist, Señor Juan has been an AJnet Staff member since 2008, when AJ first hired him to pose for a picture and slash a neighbor’s tires. Since then Juan has been a valued member of the team, earning his American citizenship, piloting the AJnet Huey, and keeping Frosty from getting too carried away. His soothing stories, alleviating anecdotes, and ability to smile in even the most perilous of situations help others find the reassurance they need during troubling and trying times.