REDDIT REVUE: r/Battlestations (Again? For real?!)

This month’s Reddit Revue: r/Battlestations! Again! For the fourth time!

I’m really not sure what I want to do with my r/Battlestations articles going forward.

In my last r/Battlestations article, I mentioned that all future battlestation reviews would go under the Reddit Revue. This made sense to me at the time because, well, I’m basically critiquing posts on Reddit.

The problem is, I really like doing battlestation reviews. I like doing them so much that I want to do them more often. Like, at least once every two or three months. Hell, I’d even consider making it a monthly feature (especially since some writers are soon going to be reassigned to a new project off-site). By leaving battlestation reviews under the Reddit Revue, I wouldn’t be able to do them as often as I’d like. We can’t have every other Reddit Revue be r/Battlestations, that would just be cheap and not representative of the high standards AJnet Magazine is known for.

Going forward, I’m thinking I might make the battlestation reviews their own recurring thing and do them more frequently. I’m still not sure what I’m going to call it, so if you have any ideas for a clever name let me know so I can use it and give you absolutely no credit whatsoever (just kidding).

Today however, we’ll be including r/Battlestations in the Reddit Revue because I already started this article and I don’t feel like pulling a name for a new series out of my ass right now. Dealwitit.

If this is your first time here, when evaluating Redditors’ battlestations I’ll be ranking them on a scale of 1 to 10 based on important things like aesthetics, originality, LEDs, and the number of Funko Pops.–/

Holy heart attack Batman! Why do you have so much energy drink powder? I’m going into cardiac arrest just looking at it. Points deducted, and about 30 years deducted from your lifespan.

I’m not sure what those boxed figurines are, but they look like knockoff Funko Pops. Points deducted, this is Reddit bro, you’ve gotta bring your A game. And that means only 100% genuine authentic Funkos.

I see a lot of weeb shit there too, including some Spy x Family stuff. I just finished season 2 and I’m waiting on a torrent for Code White. It’s a good series for sure, points awarded for good taste.

I’ll also award you a few points for that case. I’ve always thought those corner cases looked cool and I’ve thought about getting one. The LEDs look nice too, and having a music display on there is dope and now I kind of want to do it on my own computer.

Unfortunately, I’m going to have to deduct a massive amount of points for the fact that you’re obviously the kind of guy who beats off to lolicon. I’m assuming that’s your picture on your desktop? That is without doubt the face of a fucking creep. You look like Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite, if Pedro was a loli-loving pederast. You took it too far, you’re an embarrassment to weebs everywhere. Take that Japanese flag off your jacket, scumbag.

1/10, you’re a fucking degenerate. I don’t even want to think about what your disgusting ass is probably doing with poor little Anya.

Are you running a modeling studio or something? What’s up with the excessive lighting? Points deducted for wasting electricity.

I don’t see any Funko Pops, but I see some LEDs. I actually kind of like what you did with the white 3D tiles, it’s simple yet cool. I also like the earthy aesthetic you’re going for, the rock things on the walls work well in conjunction with the fake plants. Your use of the fake plants was just enough too, you didn’t go overboard with it like most Redditors do. Points awarded.

I’m not sure what the flag says, I can only make out “Allah”. It’s definitely not the takbīr though. Can anyone reading this translate? Points possibly awarded, as long as you’re not planning to declare jihad on the west or something.

I also like the clock on your desk, I have the same one in black but the damn thing keeps running fast (it’s currently sitting at four minutes fast). I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, I bought it from AliExpress. Some points awarded.

This setup looks like it would be cozy if I wasn’t getting raped by giant studio lights. 6/10. Ditch the lights and I’ll swing you a 7.

This setup totally nails it.

And by “it”, I mean being bland as fuck.

The file storage boxes lead me to believe that this is some kind of home office. This is the lamest home office I’ve ever seen in my life, I wouldn’t even run a blog from this boring ass setup. How do you get any work done at this desk? I’d be falling asleep whenever I sat down here. I’m yawning just looking at it. Points deducted for making me yawn nonstop.

That keyboard looks like a Logitech G513, it’s the same keyboard I have. It’s a decent keyboard, mine’s held up for the last four years just fine (G-Hub fucking sucks though). So why are you missing your F1 and F2 keys? Points deducted for being a scrub, replace the missing keys.

The rest of the setup is unremarkable. You’ve got piss-poor speaker placement and a monitor sitting on a dictionary. No LEDs, no Funko Pops, no nothing.

2/10, your setup is bad and you should feel bad.

The sign in the background that says “Life is what happens between coffee and wine” is fucking stupid, but I’m giving it a pass because I’ve never seen anyone this obsessed with Rocket Raccoon. While everyone’s busy going nuts over Groot, this person knows that the REAL best Guardians of the Galaxy character is Rocket. The only way this could be any better is if it was Cosmo the Space Dog. Points awarded for originality.

I’ve never understood the appeal of a vertical mouse. Do people actually use these things, and if so, how? I’m not going to deduct points for personal preference here, I’m just curious why anyone would use one of these stupid-looking things.

7/10, you need to leave Reddit because you’re too good for that shithole.

This battlestation is off to a good start, but it’s not quite there yet.

There’s some LEDs, but not enough to properly light everything. I’m worried someone’s going to pop out of those shadows on the left side of your desk and try to mug me at knifepoint. Seriously, did you run out of money halfway through? Govee lights aren’t that expensive, considering the rest of your setup you should easily be able to afford more lighting. Points deducted for half your desk being darker than an alleyway in Gotham City.

I like the rest of this setup though. I’m a fan of the curio cabinets and the shelving. The lighting in those is actually really good and creates an aesthetic ambiance. I even spy a few rogue Funko Pops. Points awarded.

I like this setup, and I want to like it more but the left side of the desk needs some more lighting. I’ll give you a 5/10, but if you fix that lighting you could easily be an 8/10.

Now this is what I’m talkin’ about!

This here is the setup of a man of culture, a man of class, and a man of taste. Schrammalama0 is a true patrician, a retro gaming connoisseur, a man of the people, for the people, and by the people.

This looks like a basement chill zone from the early 2000’s mixed with just enough modernity to make it even cooler. I love all the old consoles (I don’t see a SNES or a Sega Genesis but that’s okay), I love what you did with the handhelds on the shelves, I love that NES decoration on the window sill. Points awarded.

Glad to see you have an actual CRT to play those older consoles on. Old games look like ass on modern TVs unless you emulate. I see you have a light-gun too, makes me want to pick up a copy of Time Crisis and go to town. Points awarded.

But the thing I love the most is that PC on the corner of your desk. I don’t see another computer but I’m assuming that’s not your main rig. No doubt you’ve built a retro PC with older hardware and use it to load old Doom WADs or play the original Wolfenstein. Look at that thing, it’s got a damn floppy drive and everything. Points awarded.

9/10, the only nitpick I have is the floor. But I have no doubt that one day you’ll lay down some linoleum tile and take your rightful place in the AJnet Magazine Perfect 10 Club (which I just came up with just now and will be incorporating into future segments).

That is a nice collection of Donald Duck comics, they look surprisingly cool as wallpaper. Points awarded.

Unfortunately, you forgot to hide a certain window on your left monitor, and I can see furry art. Yiff in hell bastard, 0/10.

Here’s another setup with an earthy aesthetic. I’m honestly beginning to grow quite fond of the concept.

You’ve got Funko Pops and LEDs, points awarded.

What I really like though is that PC case. I’m not sure exactly what it is, but it looks like you took a normal case and painted it to match your earthy aesthetic. It looks nice, you did a great job on it. Points awarded.

I really can’t find anything bad to say about this one. 8/10, looks cozy.

What’s up with so many people with otherwise decent setups propping their monitors up on books?

I understand that not everyone can or wants to wall mount their monitors, but there’s other options available for reasonable prices. They make adjustable stands. They also make arms that clip to your desk, they’re like $20. You’ve already spent a good amount on the rest of the setup, so what’s another $20?

Seriously, you could afford those Warhammer 40K figures that retail from anywhere between $30 to $60 each, but you couldn’t afford an adjustable stand for your monitor? No excuses, points deducted.

The rest of the setup isn’t that bad. It’s plain, but it’s not ugly. Some LEDs and a little more decor would go a long way. Points not awarded, but points not deducted either.

3/10. Get that monitor off those books and it’ll be 5/10.

One thing I’ve always been kind of surprised about on r/Battlestations is that there aren’t more panoramic shots. I know, they require a little more effort, but Redditors have never been adverse to going the extra length to really show off. I see way more panoramic shots on 4chan’s Technology board than Reddit. Then again, most battlestation threads on /g/ are usually just the same handful of people posting the same pictures every thread. At least Reddit has some variety. Points awarded for using a panoramic shot.

This setup is pretty cozy. It’s organized and aesthetically pleasing. I like the chairs and the little table, and those in conjunction with the booze on the shelves makes me suspect that this is a combination gaming/whiskey room. I’m not a whiskey guy, but I could see someone hanging out in this room sipping on Buffalo Trace and listening to smooth jazz. Points awarded.

I see some Funko Pops, but I don’t see any LEDs. In this case though I’ll give you an LED pass, since you’ve got the whiskey lounge vibe going and the lighting you have for that is actually perfect. LEDs would only clash with the aesthetic you have going. Your lightsaber display is pretty cool too, even though the Star Wars fandom is way too overrepresented on Reddit. Points awarded.

No real complaints here, 8/10.

This setup would look okay if it weren’t so messy.

The shelves are well-positioned, the Funko Pops are displayed with decent symmetry, and you placed the largest object in the center of your shelving setup. The small amount of fake hanging plant also works to your advantage here too. And hell, you have a nice collection of One Punch Man manga. Points awarded.

My problem with this battlestation comes from the desk. It’s not overly cluttered, but the clutter that’s there looks messy. These are clearly disorganized people who sit at these desks, moreso the person who sits on the right. The left would be passible if the drink coaster wasn’t sitting haphazardly on the mousepad and the paint set wasn’t there. The right is just a disorganized mess of unnecessary crap. Obviously this is someone’s workstation (that’s an invoice of some kind sitting on the table) but there’s no excuse for being a slob. What do you need two laptops and a PC for? Why is your notepad on top of your laptop? Why is your pen cup in front of your monitor? Points deducted for being slovenly.

4/10, has potential to be a 6 or 7 if you cleaned up a little bit.

Apparently the story behind this one is that it’s dedicated to the Redditor’s unborn child who didn’t make it to term. I was going to make a point to go easy on it, but I honestly don’t need to because it doesn’t look bad.

The theme here is obviously meant to be reminiscent of a nebula (if the sign didn’t make it obvious), and this Redditor has nailed that through not only excellent placement of LED lights, but the color contrast from them. They even went the extra mile and got curtains that match the aesthetic. The lights inside the computer cases are equally excellent. Points awarded.

Everything in this battlestation comes together seamlessly to create a very beautiful nebula effect. If I were sitting there in that seat I have no doubt that I’d genuinely feel like there was a nebula outside my window.

9/10, normally I’d say that turning your setup into a memorial is tacky but in this instance the person has created a visual masterpiece that’s actually befitting of being a memorial. Nice setup, sorry for your loss.

Here’s a setup that’s still pretty cool even though it’s a giant hectic mess.

I love that pyramid-shaped computer case. I’ve seen those before a few times, and I’ve been tempted to get one even though they’re several hundred dollars. It already looks cool as-is, but the right LED placement could make it even better. Points awarded.

It took me a minute to see it but your desk is a TIE fighter. Like I said before, I think the Star Wars fandom is way too overrepresented on Reddit, but this actually looks dope. A TIE fighter is the perfect shape for a desk, and now that I’ve actually seen it done I’m surprised this isn’t something we see more often. Points awarded for uniqueness.

Your figurine setup in the background is also awesome. You actually went through the trouble of designing backdrops and environments for them, you put a lot of effort into it, and it paid off. I might actually try to do this myself one day, though my attempt will probably look nowhere near as good as yours. Points awarded.

The only problem I have with this battlestation is how messy it looks. However, I’m beginning to suspect that it could just be the angle of the picture playing a trick on my eyes. I won’t take away any points here, but I’m not going to award them either.

This is still a very solid setup, 7/10. If it’s not actually messy and I’m just a blind idiot, we can bump that up to an 8 or even a 9.

As I said at the beginning of the article, I’ll be turning the battlestation reviews into their own thing. I’m still not sure if it’s something I want to do monthly or every other month yet, but we’re definitely going to be doing them more frequently. I really have fun doing these.

Most of the battlestations will continue to be sourced from r/Battlestations, but I also want to branch out to other sources like 4chan or even reader submissions. If you want me to critique your setup in a future article, send a picture of it to [email protected] with the subject line “Battlestation Submission” and whatever name you want me to credit your submission to.

I’ll be thinking of a name for this new segment, but in the meantime Reddit Revue will go back to its original purpose of heckling Redditors. July’s Reddit Revue will be r/Crushes, an idea that I came up with all by myself with absolutely no help from anymore (just kidding Cave).

Do you have a subreddit you’d like to see featured in a future Reddit Revue? Let us know in the comments or email us at [email protected]!

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By Angry_Jerk

The CEO/Editor-in-chief of AJnet, and the current king of internet ranting. Hailing from the fine village of Northeast Philadelphia, AJ has been creating content on the internet for over 15 years. None of it has really been funny or entertaining, but he keeps trying anyway. When he’s not creating new articles for the site, he can be found hitting the weights, watching anime, or playing retro video games.