SCAM ALERT: Mother’s Day is a giant cash-grab!
The greeting card companies have done it again!
Those money grubbing, thieving, conniving, sons of bitches have successfully SCAMMED the American people with another USELESS holiday designed to guilt hard-working folks like you and me into buying their commercialized crap!
They do it every year, and Ol’ Frosty is SICK and TIRED of it! Every year these bastards get greedier and greedier, extorting exorbitant amounts of money by telling us that if we don’t buy our mom a $10 card or $30 flowers or some other overpriced crapola then we don’t love her. The holiday should be called “Mother’s PAY”, because that’s all we do that day. We pay for expensive gifts and we pay with our time! You know how many beers I could buy with the money I spent on that card? Two and three-quarters! That’s almost THREE WHOLE BEERS I’m buying my mom, but it’s NOT beer, it’s a piece of paper that she’s just gonna throw away in a week! I’m gonna need three beers after listening to another round of “Frosty, when are you going to get a real job?” I DO have a real job, mom! I’m a writer! I’m writing this article right now, right? That’s right! Now get off my case, alright?
Mother’s Day is such a scam that even the lady who came up with it regretted making it!
I read the Wikipedia page for Anna Jarvis, the lady who made the holiday (the mother of Mother’s Day!). Those conniving card company creeps and their fiendish floral friends did poor Anna dirty! They stole the holiday from her and turned it into a money-making machine. When Anna tried to speak up and un-holiday Mother’s Day, the companies paid to have her locked away in a sanitarium. I like Metallica just as much as the next fella (except Juan, he REALLY likes them!) but come on! Mother’s Day was built on a mountain of lies, and at the top of this mountain are the rich selfish jerks who railroaded Anna Jarvis!
No more, this ends HERE! I’m taking a stand here and now against the greeting card companies and the flower companies who unfairly locked away the mother of Mother’s Day and stole her holiday for their own personal gain! The gloves are off folks, and Frosty’s ready to fight!
As of right now, I’m calling for a boycott of greeting cards, flowers, and Mother’s Day! I’m going to tear up every greeting card I see, stomp on every flower, and I’m not buying my mom a damn thing! Join me Frostketeers, and together we’ll right this wrong and avenge Anna!
And yes AJ, I DO know that I’m a day late on this article. But you know what? I’m NOT a dollar short, because I actually SAVED my money and didn’t give it to those crooked card company crooks!