Driving still sucks. Welcome to Rage Against the Road, Volume 3.

Way back in March of 2015, I wrote an article complaining about some of the things that annoy me while driving. In November of 2019, I wrote a second article complaining about more annoying things on the road.

Over the course of those nine years, not a damn thing has changed. The drivers are worse than ever. The roads are worse than ever. My road rage is worse than ever.

I’ve got nothing else to say here. Fuck other drivers and fuck the roads. Here’s yet another list of things that piss me off about driving.


1. Fuck your bright headlights.

I wrote about this before, but it’s only gotten worse. Now even more cars have the ridiculously bright LED headlights, and it sucks. There’s nothing worse than having someone with the power of the entire fucking sun behind you, turning your mirrors into lightbulbs and effectively blinding you.

Luckily, I discovered an entire subreddit about this problem, r/fuckyourheadlights. One of the common solutions these people have found is using reflective tape and placing it in positions on or in your car to reflect those bullshit high powered lights right back at those inconsiderate jerk-offs, effectively giving them a taste of their own medicine.

Be careful about doing this though, since it’s technically illegal. Unlike blinding other drivers with bright headlights, which for some reason is completely legal because law makers are retards.


2. Fuck your window tints too.

Window tints are dangerous, and obstruct the view of other drivers.

This one is mostly directed at my upstairs neighbor, who parks his ghetto ass 2004 Chevy Impala with the 1% tint next to me in the driveway. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I’ve almost been blindsided when backing out of the driveway because I couldn’t see the other car coming through your blacked out windows. I’ve had similar issues in parking lots and coming out of driveways. Being able to see through the window of other cars is necessary sometimes, but these selfish pricks don’t care about anyone else so I’m forced to slowly inch my way out and hope that any other cars coming aren’t busy dicking around on their phones or flying at 90 MPH.

Apologists will defend window tints by saying “B-but I need muh tint because the sun is so bright and it keeps the car from getting hot!” We have solutions to both of these problems that don’t involve obstructing everyone else’s view. The sun is too bright? Yeah, we came up for a solution for this back in 1752. They’re called sunglasses, dipshit. They’re portable, they block the sun, they’re stylish, and they’re cheap.

As far as your car getting hot goes, stop being a little bitch. Turn your AC on, it takes like two minutes to cool your car down. If you really can’t wait, buy a windshield shade. They’re like $15. Unlike my upstairs neighbor’s tinted window, which will probably cost him a couple hundred dollars to replace when I finally get tired of not being able to see oncoming traffic and smash it with a crowbar.


3. Tractor trailers suck.

I keep hearing about a “trucker shortage”, but it seems like every damn day without fail I get stuck behind some slow ass tractor trailer, then end up having to merge onto I95 doing 15 MPH into traffic doing 80+.

When tractor trailers aren’t gumming up the on-ramps doing turtle speeds, they’re doing 60 in the left lane. I don’t know about other countries, but in most of America tractor trailers aren’t allowed in the left lane on three lane highways. The left lane is the fast lane, so get your slow ass the fuck out of the way you Big Rig Butthole.

I know I know, they’re essential to the economy, we need tractor trailers, truckers are the lifeblood of America, blah blah blah. I don’t care, they’re still annoying to be stuck behind.

I guess I should also call out the idiots who cut off tractor trailers. You guys know they can’t stop anywhere near as fast as cars, right? If you keep cutting off big rigs eventually you’re going to get your shit wrecked, and you’re going to deserve it.


4. Clean your nasty ass car.

Sometimes I think I’m the only one who doesn’t treat my car like a trash can.

There’s nothing more disgusting than getting a ride with someone and finding the passenger seat full of trash. Then they say “Oh, just push that onto the floor”, and your feet are forced to rest on a cushion of burger wrappers, water bottles, receipts, and God knows what else.

Also, so many people have all kinds of shit smeared all over their windows, particularly the windshield. Some of the windshields I see are so caked in smudges that I don’t know how the driver sees out the window. How the fuck does this even happen? What the hell are you doing inside your car that the inside of your windshield is covered in giant smudges?

I don’t understand how anyone can live like this. Don’t these people feel any shame? I just had to brush cookie crumbs off my ass after getting out of your car. How are you not embarrassed by this? These are the same people that call me a neat freak and say I have OCD because I actually clean up my messes. My car isn’t filled to the brim with trash, so according to these dirty retards I’m mentally ill? Yeah, no. Get fucked dirtball.


5. Replace your old windshield wipers.

Not too long ago, I got into my girlfriend’s car while it was raining. Her wipers were doing fuck-all except creating giant vision-obstructing streaks on the window. Not ideal for driving at all.

I asked her, “Hey babe, when’s the last time you changed out your wipers?”

“Oh, not that long ago,” she replied casually, seemingly oblivious to the fact that her vision was being obstructed by huge dirty streaks.

Knowing my girlfriend well enough after ten years to know that she doesn’t always know what she’s doing, I asked her to clarify what was “not that long ago”.

“A couple of years ago,” she said nonchalantly.

For real?

Windshield wipers are supposed to be replaced every 12 months, usually sooner depending on where you live and how much you drive. A daily driver in Philadelphia should be replacing their wipers every seven or eight months. Regardless, when your wipers are creating large obtrusive streaks across the window and not actually removing the water, it’s very obviously time to buy new ones. Driving around like that is fucking dangerous.


6. Get your power scooter off the damn street.

Hey lard ass, the road is for cars only, not your stupid power scooter. Hitting you would be like hitting a telephone pole. My car is worth more than your life, so unless your Rascal can go 40 MPH, get the fuck off the road and stay the hell out of my way.


7. You too, Dirtbike Dickhead and ATV Asshole.

Philly has a huge problem with groups of retards riding dirtbikes and quads up and down busy streets all day and night. Apparently you can buy these things with Access Cards now? Apparently I’m also racist for saying that?

These jerk-offs will ride in groups of 10+ weaving in and out of traffic, playing chicken while popping wheelies right in front of you and literally daring you to hit them. Some of them will even bang on your windows in an attempt to provoke you.

Every time I’m behind one of these little punk ass motherfuckers popping a wheelie, I want nothing more than to slam down on my gas pedal and hit the piece of shit. I’m not even joking, I’m not a violent person by any stretch but I fantasize about slamming my car into these clowns and turning them into road paste. I would love nothing more than to gun my engine to about 100 and go flying full-force into some shithook popping wheelies on his dirtbike in the middle of Roosevelt Blvd and watch him get launched 40 feet across the road while his retarded friends seethe with rage and try to attack me on their own bikes. Except a car is stronger than some stupid little dirtbike, so they’d be fucked too as I ran them off the road into trees. You little cocksuckers, you all deserve to-

Sorry, lost myself there for a minute. These people are a serious issue though. Philly PD claims there isn’t a whole lot they can do about it, but that’s bullshit because high tensile steel wire is reasonably affordable and will solve the issue very quick.


8. Stop signs and red lights are only suggestions, I guess.

Philadelphia also has a huge problem with people ignoring traffic laws. I’m not talking about simply not signaling a turn or turning on red when the sign says not to. I’m talking about people who outright ignore red lights and stop signs.

Not too long ago, I was nearly t-boned at a very busy intersection because some self-centered cunt, a middle-aged black lady gabbing away on her phone, decided she wanted to run the red and force her way through traffic. It wasn’t like the light had just turned red either, her light had been red for about a full minute and traffic in my section had already began moving. She stopped right before she hit me, then proceeded to throw her hands up at me like I was the asshole. Oh I’m sorry your highness, I didn’t realize I was in the way of your royal procession. No, eat shit cunt, you’re lucky you didn’t hit me.

In Philly, I know better than to take lights and stop signs for granted. People will literally do 70 down side streets ignoring any and all stop signs for ten blocks straight, and miraculously they never seem to hit anything or anyone (not like it would matter, most of these assholes are uninsured). Meanwhile I’ll almost get t-boned doing something as simple as backing out of a parking spot. I’m not sure how these animals continually get away with driving like reckless idiots, but it’s frustrating and Philly PD needs to stop making excuses, get off their fat lazy asses, and actually fucking do something about red light runners and stop sign blowers. I’ve seen people do this shit right in front of cops, and the cops just sit there with their thumbs up their asses not wanting to act because that would be paper work I guess.


I fucking hate driving, I’m about ready to turn in my license and stay inside.

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By Angry_Jerk

The CEO/Editor-in-chief of AJnet, and the current king of internet ranting. Hailing from the fine village of Northeast Philadelphia, AJ has been creating content on the internet for over 15 years. None of it has really been funny or entertaining, but he keeps trying anyway. When he’s not creating new articles for the site, he can be found hitting the weights, watching anime, or playing retro video games.