It’s time for another State of the Website Address.
Wew lads, what an intense year we had!
We started off 2023 with the full resurrection of the site, and ended it with our own in-house AI going rogue by accessing nuclear weapons and attempting to eradicate the human race. And in between, we had fun.
But the fun’s not over yet. In fact, it’s just beginning. That entire last year was just a warmup. We built the momentum, now we’re going all-out, preparing to slam the barricades full-force as we race towards the forefront of online entertainment. It’s only taken us about 17 years, but we really think we’ve got it figured out this time.
Here’s what you can expect from AJnet in 2024.
1. AJnet Talk Radio
They said I’d never make it, that I didn’t have the face for radio.
They were fucking WRONG.
In the year of our Lord 2024 AD, AJnet will be broadcasting live every Friday night at 7 PM EST, bringing our unique brand of entertainment to the digital airwaves. I’ll be the solo host, with R.A.N.T.E.R. in the producer’s booth. We’ll also have regular appearances from all your AJnet favorites, like Señor Juan, Frosty, Kanye West, and the Hatersaurus.
We’ll be broadcasting for as long as it takes the FCC to figure out what we’re up to, pinpoint our location, and shut us down. So be sure to tune your radio to 102.6 (this will work no matter where you are, even if you’re on the ISS; Carl in R&D got us some powerful equipment) every Friday night at 7 PM EST. If we’re really lucky, it’ll take the FCC a month or so to find us.
2. TROLLED! IRL Edition
We’re bringing it back, folks!
That’s right, one of our most popular features from the past is making a triumphant fucking return, and in a big way. I’m talking about the TROLLED! series.
Now, I already hear you saying “But AJ, didn’t you say TROLLED! was done, and being replaced with Reddit Revue?”. I did. Reddit Revue fans can rest easy, that series isn’t going anywhere. I found a way for TROLLED! to return without having to share the spotlight with Reddit Revue.
TROLLED! is going IRL.
We’re taking the TROLLED! series to a whole new level by hitting the streets and trolling people offline. Some of the locations we’ll be rollin’ and trollin’ through are:
- West Philadelphia
- Downtown Detroit
- Compton
- A Donald Trump rally
- A mostly-peaceful Black Lives Matter protest
- UCLA
- Wrestlemania 40, in a handicap match against Logan Paul and Brock Lesnar
- Absaroka County
- Pyongyang
- Tehran
- Kabul
- Airport security
1600 Pennsylvania AvenueSorry, our lawyers have just informed me that this one is cancelled.
A series this intense can’t only involve myself. That’s why I’ll also be joined by none other than Charlie Scene. Yes, THAT Charlie Scene. The one from Hollywood Undead. Is there another Charlie Scene out there or something?
Expect Charlie and me to begin terrorizing the streets some time in April, and keep your eyes peeled for the official announcement of “The TRUE and HONEST AJnet TROLLED! Live Tour”, where we’ll be trolling audiences live on stages across the world!
3. New writers
Juan is always busy working for his uncle, Frosty barely does anything except drink my beer, R.A.N.T.E.R. went rogue and nearly killed us all, I have no idea what the hell happened to that Hiro Shima guy, and apparently Troy Jackson is lying about his credentials. AJnet needs some new talent.
Unfortunately, we couldn’t find any talent. We did manage to find a few people though who can kind of write passably enough to create new articles for us. I won’t reveal them just yet, but they’ll be contributing new articles throughout the coming year.
And speaking of contributing new articles…
4. Guest articles
Guest submissions are officially returning to AJnet!
Many years ago, during the earliest years of this site, I accepted guest submissions from readers via email. I’ve since removed the old articles, and won’t be republishing them unless the original authors ask me to do so.
We’re going to resume accepting submissions via email just like before, but our requirements are going to be just a little bit different this time around.
We’ll be putting up a dedicated Guest Submissions page shortly with more detailed info on how to submit an article to us, so stay tuned for your chance to help us crowdsource content for free!
5. AJnet: The Anime Series
It’s no secret that I love anime.
It’s with that in mind that AJnet Studios has teamed up with Viz Media to bring you AJnet – The Anime. You’ll get to see all your favorite AJnet characters in glorious Japanese-style animation.
Oh, and we’re even going to have a cross-over episode with another anime. I won’t spoil anything, but let’s just say that AJ, Juan, and Frosty will be attending a high school basketball game in Japan.
The first episode will debut on Crunchyroll in early July.
6. “Now We’re Cookin’!” with AJ and Frosty
What happens when you put me and Frosty together in a room with sharp knives?
Normally I’d probably just end up stabbing him and dumping his dead body in the Pine Barrens. Unfortunately, we’ll be streaming this live on Twitch, so killing the annoying freeloader is out of the question.
Instead, we’ll be cooking various stuff. We’re still working on the menu, but you can be sure beer will be involved somehow. You can also be sure that this series of live streams will last only two or three episodes before I get too annoyed to continue working with Frosty.
We’ll be cooking live on Twitch every Thursday night at 6 PM EST.
7. “I’m Feeling Frosty” craft beer
Wait, what? I never agreed to this. We’re not making beer, Frosty. It’s too much work and the market is already oversaturated with craft beer as it is. Stop asking, and don’t ever edit one of my articles again.
8. The AJnet Forums
The AJnet Forums are returning!
Last year I wrote an entire article about why Discord sucks and how I miss online discussion forums. I also mentioned the AJnet Forums, which opened in 2010, closed to the public in 2012, and closed completely for good in 2020.
We’re bringing them back, folks!
The all-new all-awesome AJnet Forums will be opening its doors to the public on February 16th, 2024. Fuck Discord, we over here running phpBB like real pimps. This way all two of you who sometimes comment on my site using Disqus can sometimes comment on forum posts.
9. The AJnet Kewl Kidz Korner
In order to branch out even further, we’ve decided to target the 5-10 year old demographic (in a non-pedophile way, we’re not groomers or Catholic priests). That’s why we’ll be launching the AJnet Kewl Kidz Korner, a section of the site specifically for youngsters. Let’s face it, if they found this site then their parents probably aren’t doing a good job of raising them. It’s cool mom and dad, AJnet got this.
We’ll have printable coloring books, fun puzzles, kid-based advice from Señor Juan, and rants about things like homework, little brothers, Cocomelon, and bed times.
The AJnet Kewl Kidz Korner will be launching in March. Don’t tell your parents though, because parents just don’t understand.
10. The Señor Juan sex tape
Lol sike
Wouldn’t that be some crazy shit though?
11. Fuck this
I got nothing else, I’m not sure why this list went up to 11.
We’re done here. Take us out of here, DJ Jazzy Jeff.