Temples? Asian men with bald heads? What had ol’ Frosty stumbled on to?

I wasn’t sure what was going on here, but I didn’t like it. No sir, not one bit!

As I struggled to catch my breath, the bald Asian men continued to stare at me. Great, just what I needed, MORE looky-loos! Were these looky-loos going to call the cops like the other ones? I hoped not, these legs weren’t running anywhere any time soon, and neither were these lungs. It was a “fight or flight” situation, and my body didn’t have a plane ticket so my choice was already made for me without any input from me.

Alright then, to quote the lovely Ms. Pat Benatar, “Put up your dukes, let’s get down to it!”

I put my fists up and informed the Looky-Loo Crew of what was coming.

“Fix your staring problem before I fix it for you!”

The bald Asian men continued staring, as if trying to call my bluff. As if to say to me, “You won’t do anything Frosty! You never do anything! You’re just all talk and no action!” Never call Frosty’s bluff! When you call Frosty’s bluff, Frosty gets tough!

And tough I was gonna get! As soon as I caught my breath… Man, that run really took a lot out of me. As my opponents continued to stare, I stared back.

And that’s when I noticed it.

These bald Asian men were wearing yellow and red robes. This looked strangely familiar, where had I seen these men before? I racked my sober brain trying to remember where I knew these guys from. Doing the thinky thingy would be so much easier after a few beers…

Then it hit me like a beer truck.

These men were airbenders!

I thought back to the adventures of Aang and his Gaang, and it all began to make sense. The bald heads, the robes, the giant temple, the abundance of wind in the air. And… Wait a minute… Were these men also the reason I was having a hard time catching my breath?!

Son of a bitch, I was being attacked by airbenders! Luckily, your pal Frosty knew just how to deal with airbenders. Airbenders may be powerful, but they had ONE weakness: Firebending! These looky-loos had no idea what was coming. Things were about to heat up!

But there was only one problem. I couldn’t just make fire come out of my hands like an anime character!

Or could I?

Feeling in my pocket, I found a lighter. Why did I have a lighter? It’s not like I smoked or anything. Or did I? This sobriety thing was really starting to mess with my head. Who was I? Obviously I was Frosty Mugg, but who was Frosty Mugg? For his entire life Frosty Mugg was the guy who drank beer. Now Frosty Mugg couldn’t drink beer for a whole year thanks to Edwin.


Just thinking about that guy made me heated!


Oh yeah, that’s right, I was supposed to do some firebending and teach these looky-loo airbenders a lesson the same way Firelord Sozin did one hundred years ago! That’s who Frosty Mugg was! Frosty Mugg was a firebender!

I took that lighter out of my pocket, I lit that lighter, and I took it to a nearby trashcan. As the trashcan went up in flames, I lifted the trashcan with all my might and hurled it straight through the first window I saw. The looky-loo airbenders stopped looking at me and instead started looking at their precious temple, which was now a raging inferno. Prince Zuko would be proud!

I took this moment to gloat.

“That’s right you cocky assholes, look at that! Just look at it!”

I realized that I had finally caught my breath again, no doubt because the airbenders were too busy watching their temple burn down to keep up their attack on me, and I ran off back into the woods.

Where was I going to go now? I punched a college girl and burned down an airbending temple, there was no way Johnny Law wouldn’t be out looking for me. I had to get further away. I had to flee the country.

Using the last of my money, I bought a plane ticket to the first country that came to my mind.

“One ticket to Bosnia, please!” I told the nice lady at the airport.

Sober Frosty in Bosnia? How would this one play out? Find out in chapter six of Frosty’s Sober Saga!

Why were the cops after me again? Oh yeah, I explained that in chapter four, I should go reread that!

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By Frosty Mugg

Frosty is a reckless idiot, a dirty lech, and a drunk bastard. When he’s not sitting on a bar stool pounding down one beer after another, he’s usually making poor decisions during moments of drunken impulsiveness. Due to an incident involving a college girl, Buddhist monks, and a trip across Eastern Europe, the Middle East, and Asia, Frosty is legally required to be intoxicated at all times. He resides in the city of Philadelphia, and is very much single, ladies.