The US military can’t shoot down a balloon?

A Chinese spy balloon is floating over the US, and there’s nothing we can do about it.

Am I the only one confused as to why we’re just allowing a Chinese spy balloon to float across the United States completely unimpeded?

I’m genuinely curious as to why we can’t shoot this thing down. The official line of bullshit we’re being fed is that shooting it down would cause too much damage.


Let me tell you why that's bullshit


You’re telling me that the most powerful military in history can’t shoot down a goddamn balloon in a way that it won’t come crashing down onto property? Are you fucking kidding me? A five year old could figure out how to do this:

  1. Put a small hole in the balloon.
  2. Let it slowly float down.
  3. Once it drops low enough, send up a plane with a hook and pull it away from any property.
  4. Tow it to Washington and dump it right on the Chinese embassy.
  5. Write them a citation for littering.

gg ez

You’re telling me that this is beyond our capabilities? The same military that built the atomic bomb, whooped the Nazis, and won the Cold War can’t take down one lousy Chinese-made balloon? We put a man on the goddamn moon for fuck’s sake! Taking this balloon out of the sky should be child’s play for us. Hell, give me a BB gun and a helicopter, I’ll handle it myself.

As I sit in the bathroom at work writing this, the balloon is currently floating over Montana. You know, the state with a population of just barely over a million. The state that’s the fourth largest state in the country and is bigger than the entire nation of Japan. Property damage my ass, what the hell even is there in Montana for this thing to crash into? Worst case scenario this thing might land on a cattle farm or Farmer Brown’s ranch. There ain’t shit in Montana except for maybe the legendary Thilo of NinjaPirate. And I think even he might have left Montana, so there’s literally fuck-all there for us to worry about damaging.

Did China pay our government off or something? They’re basically waving their middle finger in our faces at this point and laughing about how impotent we are in the face of a damn balloon. If World War Three starts we’re screwed. What the hell are we gonna do if they ever shoot missiles or send war planes? At this point I’m hoping that the Chinese government is paying our military off, because the idea that we’re really so inept that we can’t figure out how to take a balloon down without causing collateral damage is honestly frightening.

Stop dicking around. Shoot that damn balloon out of the sky, repay Farmer Brown for whatever cattle it hits, and bill China for the cleanup costs.

UPDATE 2/4/23 – Great job guys, only let them cross the entire country first.

By Angry_Jerk

The CEO/Editor-in-chief of AJnet, and the current king of internet ranting. Hailing from the fine village of Northeast Philadelphia, AJ has been creating content on the internet for over 15 years. None of it has really been funny or entertaining, but he keeps trying anyway. When he’s not creating new articles for the site, he can be found hitting the weights, watching anime, or playing retro video games.