Stop wasting law enforcement’s time

Social Commentary

One thing that pisses me off is when people threaten to call the cops on me for stupid shit.

Just the other day, I had some douche bag threaten to call the cops on me because I threw my trash into his trash can. I shit you not. He actually yelled at me for using his trash can.

I had popped out of the woods for a minute during one of my long ass walks to buy a bottle of Gatorade. So I drank my Gatorade, and threw the bottle in a trash can in front of some random house. All of the sudden, I hear “Yo buddy!” I turn around, thinking it’s one of my pals that live in that area. Nope, it’s just some guy in his 30’s. I stop, and see if he’ll tell me who the fuck he is, and why he thinks we’re friends. “Take your bottle somewhere else!” He then tosses the bottle at me. Not like he was trying to peg me. More of a “Think fast!” throw. I’m like “Uh, dude, I was just throwing my bottle away. What’s the big deal?” “Don’t throw your shit in my trash can!” I look around, and see other people’s trash strewn about the ground. I look back at him, then laugh. Obviously this guy is fucking around with me. I’m not an uptight pussy, and can appreciate a good joke. But he didn’t laugh back. “You think it’s funny jerk-off? Get out of here before I call the 7th!” “The 7th” is the local police precinct. This guy was threatening to have me arrested for using his trash can. After debating it over in my head for a moment, I realized that this guy wasn’t mentally ill or anything, so I could justify my next action. I looked at him, and said “You’re right sir. I’m sorry. I won’t use your trash can.” I took my empty Gatorade bottle, and chucked it on his lawn. He started going off on me, telling me to pick it up. I simply walked away. Yeah, it was probably dumb of me to turn my back on him while he was pissed at me, but I could have taken him if I needed to.

What is it that makes people call the cops over stupid shit? I’ve had people threaten to call the cops on me for online shit. How the hell does that even work? Assuming you even knew I was from Philly, what would you do? Call up Philadelphia Police Department HQ and be like “Yeah, hi, some kid from your city posted Goatse on my forum. Can you lock him up for me? Thanks.” Then 5 minutes later, the SWAT Team is storming my house. What a load of shit. Do these people really think the cops give a fuck that some dumb ass 20 year old is posting shock pics on an internet forum? I know the Philly police have more important things to worry about, like the thugs who are shooting at them.

I once had a principal in high school who reported me to the United States Secret Service. Yes, you heard me right. I have a file with the Secret Service. You probably think I made a bomb threat or threatened to shoot up the school, right? WRONG. My horrendous crime that warranted a Federal investigation was drawing a picture of a guy pointing a gun at the president. I actually had the Secret Service searching my room and taking my computer because of a shitty fucking drawing. My principal was such a douche bag. Fuck you Mr. Kipphut, you bureaucratic piece of shit. You’re probably the biggest jerk-off I’ve ever met. What a waste of fucking resources. There’s guys out there who probably have actual plots to kill the president, and the Secret Service is being forced to investigate some stupid 17 year old who can’t draw for shit. I’m glad they didn’t find that drawing I made of Osama bin Laden putting it in Bush’s ass. That would have been awkward.

Stop calling the police for stupid shit. It’s a waste of resources and my tax dollars. If ever find someone calling the cops because some kid threw trash on their lawn or something equally stupid, I’m going to beat their ass, then take $20 from them for wasting my tax money.


The founder and owner of AJnet, and the current king of internet ranting. Hailing from the fine village of Northeast Philadelphia, AJ has been creating content on the internet for over 15 years. None of it has really been funny or entertaining, but he keeps trying anyway. When he’s not creating new articles for the site, he can be found watching anime or playing retro video games.