This was it, the final countdown to the judgement of Frosty Mugg!
The judge had just declared a brief recess.
I didn’t judge him for wanting to hit the playground for a few minutes, we all need to have a little fun sometimes. I just hoped he wasn’t asking the other kids on the playground to help him come up with a verdict. I asked my lawyer about this, and he explained to me that a recess in court isn’t the same thing as a recess in school. Well that was good news! I then asked my lawyer who the hell hired him to represent me, but he told me not to worry about it and left to go to the bathroom. I scanned the courtroom and saw Slim, who waved happily. Juan and his friend I didn’t know were leaving the courtroom. Juan turned to me, smiled, and gave me a thumbs-up. Oh Juan, always smiling during even the most perilous situations! I glanced at Alex and Peter. Peter had his nose buried in his phone, and Alex appeared to be speaking intently to a disinterested Edwin and Barty sorry, Mike the Bartender. Edwin looked at me and mouthed the word “HELP”. As if I’d help EDWIN! That jerk was the reason I was here in the first place!
Moments later, the judge returned. I took one last look around the courtroom. Juan and his friend were returning to their seats. The petite college girl was sniffling and wiping her eyes with a tissue. The airbenders were, of course, STARING. The American man who brought me back from China was also staring, except his stare looked menacing and scary. This was it folks, the big moment. Would I be set free, or would I be sent directly to jail, do not pass “Go”, do not collect $200?
“Will the defendant please rise?”
I stood up, and I stood up tall and proud. No matter what the verdict, I’d face it like a man!
“In the case of ‘The People v Frosty Mugg’, the court finds the defendant not guilty of all charges by reason of insanity.”
The entire courtroom burst out in a hodgepodge of noise. Some people were angry. Others were amazed. Most were angry though. After all, I did make a lot of enemies during my trip around the world.
The judge banged his hammer.
“ORDER! ORDER!”
The courtroom immediately simmered down. Note to self: Carry around a big wooden hammer and people will do whatever I tell them to!
“In addition, to prevent further incidents, the court also orders that Mr. Mugg be intoxicated at all times, and must maintain a blood alcohol concentration of no less than 0.10%. A special task force will be assigned to Mr. Mugg to ensure his compliance with this order. Case dismissed!”
The judge brought his hammer down, and just like that Frosty Mugg was a free man again! The bailiff removed my shackles and handed me my clothing. I was escorted out of the courtroom and into the lobby, where Slim, Juan, Juan’s friend, Edwin, Mike the Bartender, Peter, and Alex were all waiting for me. I happily hugged my homies, relieved to be removed from my recent restrictions (FOR THE LOVE OF GOD FROSTY STOP ABUSING ALLITERATION! ~Editor).
The first person to speak was Slim.
“Hey man, glad you’re out.”
Me too Slim, me too!
Next was Juan.
“ey stupid gringo why you burn down temple for fat Buddha”.
Oh Juan! You and your comically broken English!
Before I could ask Juan who his friend was, Alex jumped in.
“Your arrest was all part of a ploy by the Worthington family to-”
I patted Alex on the shoulder and told him I’d be happy to hear all about his latest conspiracy theory later.
Next I turned to Edwin. We looked at each other for a moment, before he extended his hand.
“Frosty, you know, I didn’t think you’d be able to do it, but you did it man. You won, congrats!”
Then the truth dawned on me. Sure, I might have won the court case, but I ultimately lost the bet. Thanks to this court order, I’d be forced to drink beer, making me the loser and Edwin the winner, yet again!
“Yeah Edwin, I know. I won the case, but you won the bet in the end. You always win, don’t you?”
Edwin just laughed. Was this cocky bastard really going to gloat now of all times? Let me have my moment of glory Edwin!
Instead, he pulled out his phone and showed me the screen.
“No, Frosty, look at the date.”
I read the date. November 25th, 2017. November 25th… WAIT A MINUTE.
I WON!
It had been exactly one whole year since the beginning of my Sober Saga, making me the winner of both the court case AND the bet with Edwin!
I began dancing around the lobby, grabbing any passerby I could and telling them of my glorious victory against Edwin. Most of them weren’t as happy for me as I was, and after a minute a security guard informed me that if I didn’t stop I’d become fast friends with his nightstick. I’d already been down that road and I knew where the stop sign was. I settled for sticking my tongue out at the guard as he turned his back to me, most likely to go threaten someone else with his nightstick. I turned back to Edwin.
“IN YOUR FACE, ASSHOLE!”
Edwin laughed again.
“Whatevs dude, just remember, I drank more than you.”
OH HELLLLLLL NO!
“EDWIN!” I screamed, drawing another stare from the security guard, who began tapping his nightstick in the palm of his hand threateningly. “Edwin, I challenge you again!”
My group of friends immediately groaned. Edwin smiled.
“You’re on, Mugg!”
Slim butted in. And a big butt it was, being that Slim weighed close to 400 pounds.
“Let’s go out and celebrate tonight at Yellowz! Drinks on me guys!”
Alright! Drinks on Slim! Everyone cheered. Especially Bart- I mean, MIKE the Bartender. It was his bar after all.
We all agreed to meet at Yellowz Bar and Grill later that night, and went our separate ways. As me and Slim made to leave for the parking garage, Juan yelled out.
“ey Frosty, uno momento!”
I turned to Slim and told him I’d meet him at the car. Whatever Juan wanted, it sure sounded important! Juan and his friend walked over.
“Frosty, this mi amigo AJ.”
So THAT was the name of Juan’s mysterious new friend! As I shook AJ’s hand, I wondered what those letters stood for. I also wondered if AJ would be joining us for drinks later at Yellowz.
“Hey AJ. AYYYYYYYY JAYYYYYYYY! Are you gonna be joining us tonight at Yellowz?”
AJ shook his head. “Nah man, I’ve got a lot of work to do. Appreciate the invite though.”
AJ turned to Juan.
“Alright man, your friend’s free. I’ve gotta go tie up a few more loose ends here, I’ll meet you at the helicopter in 20.”
AJ fist-bumped Juan and walked off. I looked at Juan, confused. Helicopter? Loose ends? Why was this guy even here in the first place?
“Juan, who was that guy and why was he here?”
Juan just smiled his trademark smile.
“You no worry about it Frosty. He very good friend who help Juan help friend.”
Before I could ask anymore questions, Juan hugged me and told me he’d see me later that night at Yellowz for the celebration and drinking contest. With that, Juan headed towards the stairs to the roof.
Wait, was that AJ guy serious about the helicopter? I didn’t know, and I didn’t have too much time to think about it. My rematch with Edwin was coming up later tonight, and I needed to get my head in the game. I needed to pre-game!
I met Slim at his car and told him to make a stop at the beer store. I only had half a day to train, but by God, I was going to beat Edwin this time, once and for all!
Oh my god, how many of these did I write? I’m tired of adding these links to the other chapters!