Obnoxious advertising: How to ensure I don’t buy your product

Online advertising has become obnoxious and annoying.

I have no idea why someone would think that obnoxious advertisements that automatically play audio when loading a page are a great way to make money, and I’m even more uncertain why a webmaster would think that it’s a good idea to have such ads on their site. If I have to close more than 2 pop-ups and at the same time scroll down to pause a video that automatically plays every single time I open another page on your site, I’m not going to look at your site.

I understand that corporate-owned sites like YouTube and MySpace get a good chunk of their revenue from advertising, but if you’re just some schmuck with a personal website, there’s no excuse for having ads. If you’re having problems paying to keep your site up, chances are you don’t have your priorities in order and shouldn’t be allowed to manage your own money let alone have a website. I’ve been at this for 3 years now, and even when I was unemployed for almost a year, I could still afford to keep this site going. This site costs a measly $5 a month. Even a homeless person could afford that. I could sell two Xanaxes to some pill popper and be able to cover a month’s hosting fees.

Seriously you assholes. Nobody wants to be bombarded with bullshit while trying to read the lyrics to “Dancing Queen” a review for the latest blockbuster movie or listening to Abba Iron Maiden. I deal with enough retarded bullshit in one day. When I load the page and have to listen to “THINK YOU’RE SMART? TAKE A FREE IQ TEST AT IMAFAGGOT.COM!”, it increases the probability of me getting into an altercation with someone over something frivolous from “Likely” to “Extremely Likely”. No, really. One of my friends will call me on my phone and be like “Hey AJ, come meet us at the awesome Mexican restaurant. That one chick you like is coming. You know, the one who looks like that chick you like from the 60’s.” I’ll get pissed off because not only did he interrupt my Grace Slick fap session, but he also couldn’t even remember her name. He’ll tell me not to diss him like that, and I’ll threaten to come and fuck him up. He’ll try to call me out on my threat, and nobody calls me out. I’ll drive all the way out to the Mexican restaurant to kick his ass, only to find out that the girl he was talking about is totally into me. I’ll spend the rest of the evening making her laugh by finding different ways to call my friend a faggot. All because of some shitty fucking ad.

If I wasn’t going to buy your product before, I’m certainly not going to buy it when you’re raping the shit out of my eyes and ears with advertisements so stupid that it’s a miracle your company hasn’t gone under.

Anyway, here’s to three years ad-free. Cheers, dickface. And Dan, her name is Grace Slick. Seriously, it’s not that fucking hard to remember.

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By Angry_Jerk

The CEO/Editor-in-chief of AJnet, and the current king of internet ranting. Hailing from the fine village of Northeast Philadelphia, AJ has been creating content on the internet for over 15 years. None of it has really been funny or entertaining, but he keeps trying anyway. When he’s not creating new articles for the site, he can be found hitting the weights, watching anime, or playing retro video games.