Windows Vista can choke on a dick v2.0

You won’t even believe the bullshit I went through just to write this rant.

Let’s start by winding the clocks back 2 weeks. I was trying to change the shitty Vista boot-up logo to something much cooler (Spongebob Squarepants). I found this nifty program online to do so. After downloading and scanning for the usual bullshit, I installed it and went to replace the file containing the boot logo, which was in the Systems folder, known to the average user as “IS YOU CRAZY MUTHAFUCKA? DON’T BE TOUCHIN’ DIS SHIT!” I received an error message telling me I had insufficient access privileges. So I went into the properties of the System folder, and saw that the owner of the folder was “TrustedInstaller.” When using my computer, one of my main rules of thumb is that anything on a Microsoft product with the word “Trusted” in it probably shouldn’t be trusted. So I did what any other “OH SHIT THE GOVERNMENT IS SPYING ON ME BY INSTALLING SHIT ON MY COMPUTER!” nut would do, and removed it altogether. Then, I noticed another account, “Creator/Owner.” If my main account was the first account created and had admin powers, shouldn’t that account be the Owner? So I deleted the “Creator/Owner” account. Bad fucking move.

I was in the middle of writing a second Vista rant along with another one about Marines, when I had to restart my computer because I had to complete the installation of another program. So I saved my work, and rebooted. This time, it didn’t reboot. I had neglected to burn the Restore Disk as Vista had prompted me to when I booted the laptop for the first time (which I later learned didn’t matter anyway), so I was fucked. Everything I had on my computer, gone. All the files for my websites, all my photos, all my programs, all my documents, all my porn. GONE. Trying to be optimistic, I said to myself “At least you can still put XP on it.” I’d call over-used internet meme Lex Luthor here, but I’m doing this in Notepad and I don’t want to have to use any more code than needed.

I installed XP onto the laptop, but, get this: HP DOESN’T HAVE DRIVERS FOR THE LAPTOP THAT ARE COMPATIBLE WITH XP! So Vista is now being crammed down my fucking throat. I had to install a copy of Vista Business Edition that was actually meant for a Dell. Now I have 28 days to activate it or I’m fucked again. Hopefully this dude I know can get me a copy of Vista that works.

Fuck you Bill Gates. I hope your business collapses when the economy does and you and your whore wife are forced to give blowjobs on the street to make money. I hate the pretentious dickhead on the Mac commercials just as much as the next guy, but he makes a point. Microsoft is spending more money on marketing Vista than actually fixing it. Speaking of marketing, those Vista commercials piss me off. If you’re advertising the fact that you can use Vista for combining photos to make a panoramic view as something special, you have no business advertising. Who was the retarded fuck at the board meeting who pitched that one, and how many higher-ups did he blow to actually see his idea come to fruition?

Microsoft is going around doing some “Mojave Experiment” bullshit, where they lie and tell gullible tools who have probably never used a computer in their life (and for good reason I’m sure) that Vista is actually a new operating system called “Windows Mojave.” These commercials are complete with a gay little acoustic guitar song that was probably done by a bucket hat-wearing yuppy, complete with a ponytail and goatee. Obviously the tools in the commercial all drop down on their knees and blow the system. What they didn’t tell you was that those were in fact the only people who liked the system. “Durrr, I can put together a bunch of pictures of the Grand Canyon and make a larger one!” The Grand Canyon is a visual metaphor for the vast emptiness of their brains. Instead of blowing a fortune on Vista, you could just pirate Photoshop and do the same thing.

I’m fed up with Vista. I seriously contemplated finding out where these Mojave Experiment assholes are doing their thing next and going there to beat their faces in with my laptop. Vista sucks, HP sucks, and I hope Bill Gates gets AIDS and suffers a slow, painful death.