How NOT to Halloween
Every October 31st it’s the same shit. A bunch of screaming brats and their slow-witted parents go door-to-door demanding free candy like a bunch of...
How to actually respond to an active shooter situation
Back in June some jihadi jackass walked into a gay club in Orlando and killed 50 people. Not content with simply fucking goats and making...
“White supremacy” is fucking stupid
Hey asshole, being white doesn’t make you any less of a cunt....
Pokemon GO fuck yourself
All across the country, dipshits are raving about Pokemon GO like it’s the second coming of Ronnie James Dio. For those of you who live...
AJ makes a Four Horsemen. Drunkeness ensues.
I haven’t been updating much. I’d like to say that I’ve been doing something worthwhile with my time, but I’d be lying (okay, I guess...
You know you’re a 90’s kid when you won’t shut the fuck up about it
I am a 90’s kid. I grew up watching “Rugrats”, “Street Sharks”, “All That”, “The Amanda Show”, and “Power Rangers”. I collected pogs, played with...
Rage against the road
A few articles back, I wrote about Slowskis, a plague that blights America’s roadways....
Your shitty memory doesn’t mean reality changed, asshole
Remember when Nelson Mandela died in prison back in the 80’s? Or Billy Graham’s funeral? Or that time when Jerry Lewis died?...
Toblerone bars are fucking awesome
Behold, the apex of candy: For you heathen bastards who don’t recognize this work of edible epicness, it’s a Toblerone bar. What the fuck is...
I hate slowskis
You all know what a Slowski is. No, I’m not talking about the turtles from that Comcast commercial (Christ bro the spelling is even different...
Gun control
America has a problem. It seems like you can’t turn on the news anymore without seeing that some pussy ass faggot snapped and shot up...
Where I’ve been
Some of you thought I was dead, most likely murdered by the Cartel or one of the many other groups of people I’ve insulted over...
Minecraft on Xbox is bullshit
Am I the only one who realizes how much this game actually sucks?...
What happens when you fuck up my food
Some time ago, the local Checkers (Rally’s to some of you) fucked up my order. Worse, they took 20 minutes to do it....
Your shitty tattoo isn’t “artistic expression”
A disturbing new trend has emerged in America: Everywhere I go, I’m surrounded by skanky-looking women with the same ugly bland tattoos. The butterfly on...