How NOT to Halloween

Every October 31st it’s the same shit. A bunch of screaming brats and their slow-witted parents go door-to-door demanding free candy like a bunch of...

Pokemon GO fuck yourself

All across the country, dipshits are raving about Pokemon GO like it’s the second coming of Ronnie James Dio. For those of you who live...

Rage against the road

A few articles back, I wrote about Slowskis, a plague that blights America’s roadways....

Toblerone bars are fucking awesome

Behold, the apex of candy: For you heathen bastards who don’t recognize this work of edible epicness, it’s a Toblerone bar. What the fuck is...

I hate slowskis

You all know what a Slowski is. No, I’m not talking about the turtles from that Comcast commercial (Christ bro the spelling is even different...

Gun control

America has a problem. It seems like you can’t turn on the news anymore without seeing that some pussy ass faggot snapped and shot up...

Where I’ve been

Some of you thought I was dead, most likely murdered by the Cartel or one of the many other groups of people I’ve insulted over...