Kanye’s Magical Misadventures at Hogwarts: A Fan Fiction

In the hallowed halls of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, an unexpected student arrived one crisp autumn morning.

Kanye West, now an adult with a penchant for wizardry and a need for special education, stood before the Sorting Hat, his eyes gleaming with both anticipation and bewilderment.

The Sorting Hat, sensing the unique vibrations of Kanye’s mind, pondered for a moment before declaring, “Gryffindor!” The room filled with a mix of cheers and whispers. Gryffindor, the house of the brave and the bold; fitting for a man who once claimed to be the voice of this generation, or any generation.

Kanye was immediately placed into a special education class, tailored for those whose minds danced to different beats. Professor Flitwick, now also the head of special education, greeted Kanye with a kind smile and a gentle, “Welcome to Hogwarts, Mr. West. We’re here to help you learn magic in your own special way.”

Kanye, decked out in his custom Gryffindor robes with gold chains and a wizard hat, wasn’t sure what to make of this new world. “Yo, this shit’s wild,” he muttered, looking around at the moving portraits and the floating candles.

In the special education class, the curriculum was adjusted. Wands were replaced with easier-to-handle magical objects, and spells were simplified. Instead of “Wingardium Leviosa,” they started with “Leviosa Lite,” where objects would hover just an inch off the ground before crashing back down.

Kanye, ever the innovator, decided to make his mark. His first project? A spell to make his shoes fly. “I’m gonna make these kicks fucking levitate, man,” he said, waving his wand with all the grace of a hippogriff trying to dance ballet. The spell backfired, and his shoes took off, leaving him hopping on one foot until Professor Flitwick could retrieve them from the ceiling.

Despite the challenges, Kanye found camaraderie in this group. There was Luna Lovegood, who had come back to help teach, and Neville Longbottom, who occasionally dropped by to share stories of his own mishaps. They formed a bond, discussing the virtues of magical creatures and the art of non-conventional spell-casting.

One day, during a lesson on basic potion-making, Kanye decided to freestyle his potion recipe, adding a pinch of this and a dash of that from his own “Yeezy Potions” line. The result was a potion that turned his hair into a wild, sparkling afro, which he decided was “fucking lit.”

His classmates loved it, and soon, Kanye was not just a student but a leader, teaching them the value of creativity over convention. “Magic ain’t about following some old-ass book,” Kanye would say, his wand pointing dramatically at nothing in particular. “It’s about making your own magic, your own style.”

As the year progressed, Kanye learned more than just magic; he learned patience, humility, and the importance of community. He even composed a magical rap for the Hogwarts Talent Show, blending spells with beats, which became the talk of the school.

By the time the school year ended, Kanye had grown, not just as a wizard but as a person. He left Hogwarts with a promise to return, perhaps to teach his unique brand of magic, or maybe just to stir up a little more chaos in the best possible way.

“Fuck, I love this place,” Kanye said, looking back at Hogwarts one last time, his shoes now genuinely levitating under his feet, a testament to his magical journey. And with that, he stepped into the magical world, ready for whatever spell life might cast his way next.