Garage Beer is garbage beer!
Steer clear of Garage Beer!
Howdy ho readers! I have really good news!
AJ’s always complaining that I’m drinking his beer and not writing anything good for the site. I’m always complaining that AJ’s always complaining that I’m drinking his beer and not writing anything good for the site. He’s always telling me, “Frosty, nobody cares about your stories. They’re long and they never go anywhere.” That’s a bunch of bullshit, because in one of them I went back in time, and in another one I even went with aliens! I go lots of places!
Here’s the deal, readers. AJ said if I want to earn my keep and keep my job, I’ve gotta write something people wanna read! That’s why he’s having me write reviews about beer! AJ said he’ll buy me beers, and it’s my job to drink them and write about them. They say that if you enjoy your job then you’ll never work a day in your life. I enjoy drinking and I enjoy writing, so I won’t work a day in my life! How can one Mugg be so lucky? AJ told me that he thinks people will like my reviews because I’m not a snob. In his own words, “My friend Drake came up with this idea a long time ago. He said it would be good to have beer reviews from someone who isn’t a total beer snob.” I don’t know who this Drake guy is, but thank you! Your idea just convinced AJ to buy me beer!
Today, we’re gonna talk about Garage Beer!
I’ve never heard of this stuff before. When AJ told me I’d be drinking Garage Beer, I thought he meant some random beer that he found in someone’s garage. Drinking random beer from someone’s garage is NEVER a good idea, and I know that from experience! One time I found a really old can of beer in my friend Edwin’s garage. I don’t know how old it was, but the can was really dirty and faded. I couldn’t even read the label. But I drank it anyway. Big mistake, it tasted bad going down, but it tasted even worse coming back up. Edwin and Greg scrubbed that spot for two hours before they gave up and said they’d just tell people their rescue dog gave birth there. I wish their rescue dog would have rescued me from drinking that nasty old beer from the garage!
That random beer I found in Edwin’s garage might have tasted nasty, but at least it tasted like something. Garage Beer tastes like nothing because it has NO FLAVOR. AJ said that the lady at the beer store told him it tastes like Coors Light, and that some football player named Kelsey (That’s Jason and Travis Kelce… ~Ed.) endorsed it. Kelsey should stick to playing football because his taste in beer SUCKS.
I think that this stuff was supposed to be named “Garbage Beer”. When they were making the label for Garage Beer, they forgot the letter B. That makes sense, because “beer” begins with B, and they forgot to make it taste like beer. Garage Beer tastes like water. If I wanted to drink water, then I’d drink beer. Except for this beer, because it tastes like water. The label even says “Beer flavored beer”. That’s definitely false advertising, because beer doesn’t taste like nothing. Somebody should SUE Garage Beer!
Hey, you know what, I’ll be right back!
Okay, so as it turns out, I can’t sue Garage Beer for selling beer with no flavor. Well at least I tried!
Was this beer really brewed in someone’s garage? Probably not, because if it was it would have had flavor. My friend Slim tried brewing beer in his garage once. It came out awful. Every time I tried to open a bottle it EXPLODED like someone shook it up! But you know what? It was better than this crap! That lady at the beer store told AJ that Garage Beer tastes like Coors Light, but that’s not true because Coors Light tastes like pisswater. This crap tastes like plain water, and not even toilet water either. Did they take the cans to the sink, fill them up, then say “Let’s tell those stupid suckers it’s beer”? Well sir, Frosty Mugg may be stupid, but when it comes to beer he’s no sucker! This here beer isn’t beer, it’s water from someone’s kitchen sink. Probably that Kelsey guy’s sink.
Readers, I love beer more than anyone else, but I just can’t recommend Garage Beer. This stuff tastes like water, and water sobers you up, and being sober is just no fun!
If you’ve got a beer you’d like me to try, then tell me! Leave me a comment below or send AJ an email at [email protected] and if AJ can find the beer he’ll buy it for me and I can review it!
