DrakeGTA Archives: Sure, Larry the Cable Guy is a prick, but David Cross is a Dipshit
This month from the DrakeGTA Archives: A rant about comedian David Cross.
While using the Internet Archive to grab more of Drake’s old material from DrakeGTA.com, I came to a sad realization: Drake didn’t post as much as I thought he did.
I’ve always remembered DrakeGTA.com having way more content than it actually did. I was expecting years of regular content, and I’m not sure why.
While we still have quite a ways to go before we’ve completely tapped the DrakeGTA Archives, many of his posts were short. Like, 200 words or less short. Compared to me, who writes a novel with every post. I feel kind of weird reposting such short articles, so my plan is to save those for last. Also, a good chunk of the articles are missing images, and it’s not always easy to guess what they were.
I intend to begin compiling the reposted articles onto DrakeGTA.com, which I bought a year or two back. The site will essentially serve as a memorial to a good friend who I miss dearly.
I know Amanda reads these occasionally, and if you’re reading this now Amanda, if you have anything of your late husband’s that you’d like me to share on here please email me. Anything you want, like unpublished writings of his, or even a funny memory or story that you’re okay with me posting onto here.
Likewise, if there’s any old readers of DrakeGTA on here that would like me to repost a particular article of his then let me know.
Today’s article is about comedians David Cross and Larry the Cable Guy. Specifically, about an open letter Cross wrote and read where he calls out Larry.
I’m not really a huge Larry the Cable Guy fan. His comedy is lowbrow, he’s always pandered to the lowest common denominator, and “Git’er done” got old after the third time I heard it. With that said, I certainly don’t hate the guy, and can understand why he got so popular. Comedy isn’t always about making the audience think. Sometimes it’s about doing the exact opposite, getting the audience to turn their brains off for an hour and just laugh and have a good time. Larry has certainly done that for me a few times, and I think it’s safe to say that nobody is watching a Larry the Cable Guy routine and expecting intellectual humor.
I’m not entirely sure why David Cross took issue with him (and from what I understand neither was Larry), but it makes David come across as petty and jealous. Which is a shame, because I like David more than Larry. I can throw on an episode of Mr. Show any time and laugh my ass off, and David’s role as Dr. Tobias Fünke was one of the highlights of Arrested Development. But when he’s not doing comedy, David comes across as a pretentious dickbag with a superiority complex, and these videos (which you’ll see in the article) are a good example of this.
I can’t stand people who are over-critical and have to take everything seriously. Not everything has to be highbrow, not everything has to be thought-provoking. Sometimes it’s okay to shut your brain off for a few moments and enjoy simple things. But some people expect everything to be an epicurean masterpiece. I couldn’t imagine living life being so critical of everything, that sounds miserable. I’m not defending Larry here, but he’s not the worst comedian out there, and definitely didn’t deserve to have David Cross attack him like that. Personally, I think Bill Engvall was the worst out of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour. All he did was talk about his wife. At least the others had some variety to their acts.
Drake’s article, “Sure, Larry the Cable Guy is a prick, but David Cross is a Dipshit”, sums up my thoughts on the matter. Larry’s brand of humor may be simplistic and dumb, but David Cross’s brand of humor isn’t intellectual, and he has no right to call anybody out. As hilarious as Mr. Show was, it’s not some paragon of cerebral humor. Tobias Fünke’s antics were funny, but he wasn’t a thought-provoking character. You’re not George Carlin, David. You’re funny, but you’re not that funny, and you’re certainly not some intellectual comic. This was just David going for low-hanging fruit to get publicity for his book.
This is “Sure, Larry the Cable Guy is a prick, but David Cross is a Dipshit”, originally posted to DrakeGTA on 10/7/09.
So today, I had the intense displeasure of listening to a new failed viral video for the David Cross book “I Drink for a Reason.” For those of you who are unfamiliar, David Cross as a comedian/actor most famous for his portrayal of “Dr. Tobias Funke” (The Analrapist) on Arrested Development. For those of you really unfamiliar, Larry the Cable Guy is an unfunny comedian/actor most famous for cursing us with Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector and being a regular on the White Trash Comedy Tour. Anyway, this particular viral video was basically David Cross calling out Larry the Cable Guy.
Now, for those of you with nothing better to do, here is the very long, two part, offending clip…
Now, first off, David Cross is picking on Larry The Cable Guy. Do you realize how much comedic talent it takes to make fun of Larry the Cable Guy? My grandma could make fun of Larry the Cable Guy, and she’s dead. Google once stopped using CAPTCHAs for their registration process, and instead asked users to destroy Larry the Cable Guy in two sentences or less, but they had to stop, because even the shittiest spam bots could defeat it. If comedy were skating, making fun of Larry the Cable Guy would be a trick called “getting on the board.” I’m sorry, a linguistic study of the English language found that its almost impossible to construct a grammatically correct sentence without insulting Larry the Cable Guy. 1000 monkeys randomly banging at keys on typewriters would write 100 billion pages about how much shit Larry the Cable Guy sucks before they wrote a single page of Shakespeare.
Now here’s where I took offense, David. You call out Larry The Cable Guy for his “anti-intellectual” humor. Just as an aside, that’s like calling out Andrew Dice Claw for using foul language, or Bill Cosby for being a white guy pretending to be black. While you’re at it, you might as well accuse Chris Rock of using racial humor and Ellen of playing the rug muncher card. Mr. Cross, I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, but you aren’t exactly pushing intellectual humor yourself. You want to see intellectual humor? Go read XKCD, Abstruse Goose, or PhD Comics. Sure, Larry the Cable Guy is pushing anti-intellectual humor, but you’re pushing “faux intellectual humor.” You aren’t writing jokes about the wave–particle duality of single surface plasmon polaritons and postmodern philosophy here David. You’re right, Larry the Cable Guy is playing dumb to entertain some misguided rednecks, the problem is, you’re playing smart to entertain a bunch of dipshit liberal faux intellectuals. At least Larry the Cable Guy understands he doesn’t really fuck his sister, the problem is, you really think you’re a smart guy.
Now don’t get my wrong, most people think they are smart, most people are incorrect; however, David you’re that special breed of asshole that lords it over everyone. Sure, Larry the Cable Guy’s fans might all come to the show to hear racist jokes and talk about the time they saw Elvis at Wal-mart, but David Cross fans come to the show to pretend to be smart by laughing at jokes they pretend are funny and hanging out with fake people they pretend to like, talking about the time they saw Al Gore at a Whole Foods while they were stuffing organic groceries into the back of their Prius.
Fuck you David Cross, you ain’t foolin’ me, you Northside High School art-fag dick, you tried to start controversy by billing yourself as the Jewish-Atheist, and it didn’t work, so you attack the most vulnerable target in comedy, Larry the Cable Guy. You don’t make yourself look tough by beating up retards, and you don’t prove you’re not PC by spouting a bunch of big words at the self-appointed mascot for inbreeding.
