Your bumper stickers are stupid and nobody cares about your opinion.
Why do people feel the need to cover their cars with stupid bumper stickers spouting their equally stupid opinions?
I don’t care who you’re voting for. I don’t care what your stance on abortion or gay rights is. I don’t care what your religious beliefs are. I don’t care who your favorite band is. None of that matters to me at all, I have no desire to get to know you in any way.
And yet, I know that information just because I had to drive behind you for a few minutes.
You’re probably saying “AJ you hypocrite, all you do on here is give us your opinion!”
The difference is, you’re reading this because you want to (unless you’re being held hostage, in which case it’s not my problem but thanks for reading anyway). When I get stuck behind some loser with a “Make America Great Again” or a “Harris 2024” sticker I usually have no real choice but to look at the back of their car, and by extension their stupid political bumper sticker. All I’m trying to do is get to Aldi’s, not have my political views challenged by some asshole in a ’97 Chevy Cavalier doing 15 MPH.
And these people always drive like pussies. I’ve found that a driver’s speed often correlates with the number of bumper stickers they have. The more bumper stickers a person has, the slower they drive. Without fail, every goddamn time. Especially when those stickers are religious. I must have missed the part in the Bible where Jesus said “Though shall never move above 15 miles per hour.” And here I thought that Jesus drove a hot rod.
The bumper stickers were bad enough, but now people have taken to spouting their obnoxious political bullshit through window decals and lettering. Around me, conservatives in pick-up trucks are by far the largest offenders. I’ve lost count of how many trucks I’ve seen with “Let’s go Brandon” or “FJB” slapped across their windows, as if I’m supposed to give a shit what they think. Even more disgraceful are the giant American flag and US Constitution decals. I have no problem with the flag or the Constitution, but most of the time these decals just look gaudy. What better way to show your love for our country and its values than a giant ugly sticker on your Ford F-250?
These stickers have also become popular with the gun owner crowd. I have no problem in general with gun owners and I’m pretty pro-Second Amendment, but your stick figure gun family makes you look like a nutjob and makes me question if you’re actually mentally competent enough to own guns. Really bro:
Only a clown would drive around with this shit on their car. You’re obsessed with guns? Great, I don’t care. Your stickers still look fucking stupid. Not that the regular stick figure family stickers are any better. Window stickers are for window lickers. Hey, I should get that put on a bumper sticker- oh wait…
I could probably rip the folks on the right for hours about the dumb stickers they put on their cars, but this isn’t a political piece and they’re not the only ones doing this.
At least the conservatives drive at a reasonable speed. There’s nothing worse than getting caught behind a person with religious stickers all over their rear fender. If I get behind somebody and I see bumper stickers with Bible verses and the ichthys (the “Jesus fish”) I know I’m probably going to be stuck doing half the speed limit, stopping at every yellow light, and braking at every intersection regardless of whether or not there’s a stop sign. Religious people drive like complete and utter pussies. I know I already said this, but I’m saying it again, because that’s just how bad these people drive. These stickers are just as tacky as the gun stickers, expect they come with the added rub of being forced to go half the speed limit while being proselytized at. If Jesus wants to take the wheel then fine, but he needs to step on the gas too. Your faith is important to you, and that’s okay. Unfortunately, I don’t fucking care.
As far as religious bumper stickers go though, there’s one in particular that deserves a special place in Hell:
I fucking hate these stupid “Coexist” stickers so much it’s unreal.
There’s about a hundred different variants of these things, with rainbows, peace signs, and other hippy dippy shit. They all suck. Only the biggest virtue-signaling libtards put these stickers on their cars, right next to their equal sign and “I’m with her” stickers. It’s not even that I disagree with the message, I’m all for an end to pointless fighting and war. In fact, I’d wager that the majority of people in the world also agree with the idea that people should stop killing each other in pointless conflicts. Your bumper sticker isn’t promoting anything unique or controversial, you’re just half-heartedly spouting the same empty rhetoric as everyone else from the safety of your Jetta. You don’t actually care about ending war, you just want to look like you do to impress your other white-bread progressive friends. That “Coexist” sticker isn’t drawing attention to anything, it’s not taking an actual stand against war. It’s the poster for armchair activism, and that’s what makes it one of the worst bumper stickers in existence.
I could give plenty more examples (like the 26.2 stickers, the OBX stickers, “Baby on Board”, etc), but I think I’ve made my point. Most bumper stickers are tacky and stupid, nobody cares about your political or religious beliefs, and people with a ton of bumper stickers on their car look like massive assholes.