Trapped in a primitive past, what’s a Mugg to do?
Welcome back Muggheads! I’ll recap the events from last time!
Slim, Edwin, Lancaster, no beer, forest, beer!
Oh, and did I mention, TIME TRAVEL?!
During my search for beer I must have accidentally stumbled across a magical portal that sent me back in time. This kind of thing happens on TV all the time, but you never think it’ll happen to you. Until it does!!
I didn’t know how it happened, but I knew exactly what to do about it. I had something that the people in the past didn’t have: Technology! With my cellphone I would become a god to these people. Everyone listens to a god! And, by God, this god was thirsty! And the only way to quench this thirst was with a beer sacrifice!
I held my cellphone up in the air.
“BEHOLD PUNY MORTALS! I have TECHNOLOGY!”
Everyone in the bar stopped and stared, obviously confused by my proclamation and awestruck by the amazing device in my hand.
That got their attention. Excellent work, Frosty! Now for a demonstration of my newfound power!
“NOW LISTEN AND BEHOLD, THE WORDS OF BILLY JOEL!”
I put on “Piano Man”, much to the amazement of my mid-evil (The word is “medieval”, Frosty… ~Editor) audience. And now it was time to seal the deal!
“Your god demands another beer!”
Almost immediately a fresh mug of the good stuff was placed down in front of me. I raised the mug to the sky.
“Praise be unto Frosty Mugg!”
Everyone else raised their drinks in agreement. They say it’s good to be king. Well I say it’s good to be GOD! After all, what is a king to a god?
I chugged the mug and immediately demanded another.
“Another mug for your god!”
Another mug was placed in front of me. I swiftly drank this too.
Hey, what kind of beer do you think Taylor Swift drinks? I bet she can’t drink beer as swiftly as me!
That didn’t matter. What mattered was my mug was empty again.
“Another! A drunk god is a happy god!”
Yet another mug was placed in front of me. What number beer was this? Probably beer number jalambi. Was jalambi even a real number? I don’t know. Every beer was number one as far as I was concerned!
“Another round for the jalambi!” I shouted, swallowing too much air and giving myself hiccups. Do you know the cure for hiccups? I do! It’s burping! And what makes people burp? Carbonation! And what’s carbonated?
“Beer!”
But the fun couldn’t last forever. Apparently it was time for me to go back to my own time. As I took a swig of beer jalambi plus-three the room began to spin. Somebody stop this ride! The centrifugal forces were too much, and the last thing I remember before passing out was “Hey buddy, I think you’ve had enough.”
Was that the voice of God? Had I become too arrogant in my conquest of the past that I had been served a reminder of my own mortality by a true higher power?
When I came to, I was in the back seat of Slim’s car. And wouldn’t my lousy luck have it that the first voice I heard was Edwin.
“Rise and shine, princess!”
Before I could recount my titillating tale of time travel, Edwin told me that they found me wandering around a renaissance fair waving my phone around frantically while screaming about being a beer god.
“So I didn’t travel back in time?”
Sensing my disappointment, Slim attempted to cheer me up with one of his patented bad jokes.
“No, but at least we found you in time!”
Find this, pal! I slapped Slim in the back of his head, knocking his glasses off his face and sending him feeling around for them on the ground Velma-style. Good luck finding your glasses, you joking jerk!
Never missing an opportunity to rub it in, Edwin asked me how much I had to drink at that renaissance fair.
“Jalambi,” I replied with a smile, “plus three.”
Last Updated on September 14, 2024
Angry_Jerk