DEAR JUAN: My sister is cuddling with my husband!
Hola amigos, it’s your pal Señor Juan!
Frosty call Juan say “Juan mi amigo I need ride to beer store.” Juan say yes that is fine but we must stop at Mi Hermana Josefina first she make enchilada and Juan muy hambriento. Frosty tell Juan okay but please hurry only have six beer left.
Juan and Frosty go to house Mi Hermana Josefina answer door say “Hola Juanito who is friend and why he smell like bar”. Juan say is mi amigo Frosty and Frosty say yes I am mi amigo Frosty. Mi Hermana Josefina laugh at stupid drunk idiot try speak Spanish and give Juan and Frosty muchas enchiladas. Juan see Frosty keep look at Mi Hermana Josefina. Juan and Frosty leave and Juan ask Frosty “ey why you keep look at Mi Hermana Josefina amigo?” Frosty say “Juanito I think I am in love”. Juan ask Frosty what you mean and Frosty say “Juan your sister very hot I love her”. What in the hell why Frosty say this. Frosty no date Mi Hermana Josefina he is stupid alcoholic no have job and he have girlfriend Janet too. Frosty no watch TV show How I Meet Your Mom with gringo man Barney Stinson and brother code? No date friend sister. Juan tell Mi Hermana Josefina and Mi Hermana Josefina laugh and say “Juanito mi hermano pequeño I am used to man like me I no date crazy drunk gringo friend.” Juan say yes that is good and laugh at Frosty instead.
Juan no sure if woman also have brother code like Barney Stinson but today Juan answer question from woman who sister cuddle with husband.
Dear Juan,
My sister is a recovering drug addict and needed a place to stay so my husband and I opened our door to her and allowed her to stay while she gets her life together.
Yesterday I came home from shopping and found my sister cuddled up under a blanket with my husband. His arm wasn’t around her or anything but she was asleep using his chest like a pillow. I asked him about it later and he told me she’s been doing it a lot and he’s afraid to tell her to stop because he doesn’t want to make her upset.
So I talked to her about it and she’s making it seem like it’s no big deal, she’s just doing it because she needs comfort. She’s trying to guilt trip me about how she’s going through a lot and telling me that I need to stop accusing her of stuff.
I don’t think my husband is cheating on me but I’m definitely NOT comfortable with him cuddling with my sister. I don’t want to kick her out because she doesn’t have anywhere else to go right now. How do I stop this?
– Jennifer P.
¡Dios mío!
Señora Jennifer, you say husband no cheat. How you know this? Yes you no walk in and see sister have sex with husband but how you know no have sex before you come home? Juan have mucho sex with many hot senorita and when Juan finish have sex he cuddle with senorita. Juan think sister have sex with dirty cheater husband and cuddle after and that is when you come home.
You say you talk to sister too and sister get mad at you. What in the hell Señora Jennifer you are blind like gringo musician Stevie Wonder how you no see is very obvious sister have sex with husband. You say “ey mi hermana no cuddle with husband por favor” and sister say “Why you upset pendeja is only cuddle” that is because sister cuddle after have sex with husband. Next time you come home and sister have sex with husband and say “why you upset pendeja is only sex”? And maybe time after that you come home and husband say “I love your sister I get divorce now get out mi casa puta” and sister say “why you upset pendeja is only divorce”. Then sister put on wedding dress do many drug have sex with husband.
You read this you say “yes Juan I think you are right now give advice how I catch them por favor”. You want catch sister and husband it is very easy and Juan tell you how to do it right now.
You come home and see husband and sister cuddle on couch. That is when you go to bedroom and take sexy picture in underwear send to husband say “mi esposo please come to bedroom por favor”. Husband think he get sex. What husband really get is test. You tell husband come to bedroom and you must have sex with him.
You say “ay yai yai Juan why you tell me have sex with dirty cheater husband?” Is very simple Señora Jennifer. Man have sex he no have sex again right away. If husband have sex with sister before you come home then he no have sex with you he make excuse say “I am too tired I have headache mamí we have sex later por favor”. That is how you know he have sex with sister. Then you say “you no have sex with me because you have sex with mi hermana you dirty fucking cheater you get out of house cabrón I fucking cut off dirty dick”. You kick out sister too sister say “mi hermana I need help” but you must be strong Señora Jennifer. You say “yes you need help puta you need help learn no steal man from tu hermana you find help on street you take dirty cheater husband get out of house.” Juan say family always come first is true but also true for sister. Sister no put family first when she have sex with husband so you no put sister first.
Husband cheat with drug addict sister and maybe husband do drug too. You prove this first then you kick out of house. Juan know it is very hard but you must be strong Señora Jennifer. You divorce husband kick sister out then call girl friends and say “Hola chicas I am single and ready to mingle now we go to club”. You go to club and shake it off like gringa singer Taylor Swift. Dirty cheater husband and sister go to cardboard box Juan see in alleyway and shake off many rat and bug crawl on them at night because they no have home.
Best of luck to you amiga.
Do you have a problem and need Juan’s advice? Leave a comment below (Disqus required, it’s free to sign up) or send Juan an email at [email protected]!