Hola amigos, it is your pal Señor Juan!
In July AJ tell Juan “Juan mi amigo I make new website I take writer from AJnet website they write for new alien website. You do two Dear Juan article month por favor.” Juan tell AJ very busy no have time do two Dear Juan article every month but AJ say “Juan why you answer three question every time? You very busy so you must do two Dear Juan article but no answer three question every time. You answer one question at time is okay amigo.” Juan start answer three question because Juan no busy then but now Juan very busy drive lunch truck and work at Uncle Paco Taco and T-shirt so Juan no have time answer three question every time. Juan do more Dear Juan article now but Juan no answer three question is too much. You still send Juan question Juan answer it on AJnet website.
Today Juan answer question from boy who send naked picture to girl and girl want money.
Dear Juan,
Tifu (EDITOR’S NOTE: “TIFU” is short for “Today I fucked up”) by sending pictures of my dick to a girl I’ve been talking to. We’ve been sexting back and forth for a week now and finally she sent me a naked picture of herself. So I sent her one back. Except it wasn’t actually a picture of her, probably some OnlyFans model. So now the girl told me she’s going to share my picture all over the internet if I don’t Cash App her $300. She already showed the picture to some of the other girls at school and I think some of the guys have seen it too because they keep making jokes about my dick (it’s average fyi)
I’m only 17 years old so I don’t want my dick posted on the internet for everyone to see. Is that even legal? Can I get this bitch arrested for child porn or something? What should I do?
– Logan D.
Señor Logan, let Juan tell you story about Uncle Paco.
Long time ago in Ciudad Juárez Uncle Paco at bar in Tijuana sell many shirt make mucho dinero. Many gringo tourist also at bar. Hot blonde gringa and hot blonde gringa friend see Uncle Paco say “oh papi tu es muy fuego please come to hotel room with us have mucho sex”. Uncle Paco say yes that is very good and go to hotel room with gringa. Gringa say “okay papi take off pants por favor let us suck your dick papi”. Uncle Paco take off pants. Gringa say she suck dick. Instead gringa pull out camera take picture of Uncle Paco no pants. Gringa say “ey puto you give money or I show picture to policía say you rape me pendejo”. Uncle Paco no have enough money pay policía bribe so he must give gringa money but gringa say “give me shirt too ándele cabrón!” Uncle Paco give gringa all shirt too. Gringa rip up picture say okay now you leave puto hahaha you really think we have sex with you stupid fucking idiot man we are lesbian we have sex with each other now on shirt pile”. Juan think Uncle Paco tell lie about last part but it no matter.
Uncle Paco make mistake when he go to hotel room take off pants. You make mistake too Señor Logan when you take off pants send picture to girl. Uncle Paco no fix mistake but that is fine because you fix mistake Señor Logan and Juan tell you how now.
You ask Juan is it illegal have picture of young naked boy on phone if you also young. Juan say yes but Juan no sure so ask AJ. AJ ask AJnet legal advisor Jamir and Jamir say yes is still illegal still child pornography is also extortion too. Girl say “ey Señor Logan you pay me or I share picture” you must tell her “I no pay you go fuck yourself puta I call policía tell them you have child pornography on phone you go to jail estúpida you no fuck with me puta I show policía message you extort me”. Girl no listen then you must go to policía and show them message say pay girl. Policía say “okay señor we arrest girl now” and send girl to jail. Girl no go to same jail as man so she no get rape by large black man but Juan think she get rape by large white woman Bertha instead.
You say girl show picture to girl and boy at school already and they make joke about small dick. That is fine you make joke too. Girl make fun of dick you say “yes that is fine but you come over tonight I eat pussy really good senorita you no walk tomorrow morning”. Boy make fun of dick you say “ey maricón why you look at picture of dick you no like girl? That is fine señor but you stay away from me no try touch my dick ese I no homosexual”.
You do this Señor Logan and no take picture of dick ever again that is stupid girl want picture of dick you say “no picture mami you must see in person come over tonight and see dick then”.
Best of luck to you amigo.
Do you have a problem and need Juan’s advice? Send Juan an email at [email protected] or leave a comment below (Disqus required)!