A hearty fuck you to PNC Bank.
It wasn’t the fact that you limited me to transferring a measly $5,000 a month through online banking, forcing me to have to go directly to a nearby branch to transfer my money to another bank.
It wasn’t the fact that you treated me like a criminal before I even stepped through the doors of your branch, with the mantrap doors, the metal detector, and the pat down.
It wasn’t the fact that your teller, a fat Hispanic guy named Juan (this must be Señor Juan’s evil twin from Honduras), tried to prevent me from taking my money out by telling me that there was a limit.
It wasn’t the fact that Juan continued to play dumb when I told him that he could write me a cashier’s check for my money.
It wasn’t the fact that when Juan finally realized I wasn’t an idiot who doesn’t know how banking works, he decided to give me the third degree and interrogate me about where my money came from and why I wanted to withdraw it.
It wasn’t the fact that Juan called his supervisor, a little white girl named Lauren, over. Lauren also proceeded to give me the third degree about where my money came from and why I wanted to withdraw it.
No, the REAL insult was that PNC Bank charged me a $10 fee to take my money out of their bank. I had to pay a fee for the privilege of accessing my own goddamn money.
I’m not going to share the exact amount, but it wasn’t small. $10 was like a drop of piss in an ocean next to the amount of money I moved out, and the amount of money I’ll make keeping it in the Police and Fire Federal Credit Union’s high-yield savings account. But it’s not the amount that’s the problem, it’s the principle of the matter. It doesn’t matter if it was $10 or 10 cents, why am I being charged a fee to withdraw my money from the bank? I don’t want to hear shit about how I’m paying for them to write a check. My only other option would have been to slowly send my money over at $5,000 every month. At that rate I’d be doing it for years, and also missing out on the full amount of interest I could be accruing at PFFCU. I was left with no real choice but to get them to write me the check, so why should I have to pay them for that?
Actually, you know what, I AM pretty fucking pissed that PNC Bank did nothing but treat me like a criminal throughout every step of the process, right down to making me go through a security checkpoint and get frisked to enter the damn bank. Then to question me about the money, like I’m up to no good because I want to withdraw a large sum of money. What do they expect a criminal to say here? “How did you get this money?” I made it sucking dick behind Wawa and selling crack. “Why are you withdrawing it?” I’m sending it to fucking Hezbollah, dipshit. As if an actual criminal or terrorist would crack under the pressure of interrogation from Juan and Lauren the bank tellers. As if an actual criminal or terrorist would walk into a bank wearing a D-Generation X hat and a Hatsune Miku t-shirt. Instead of interrogating me about where the money came from and where it’s going, Lauren should have been on her knees blowing me as incentive to not move it out of PNC. And if you’re not down with that, I’ve got two words for you:
Either way, PNC Bank can suck it.
The actual reason I moved it is because PNC Bank’s savings account only gives you .003% APY. No, that wasn’t a typo. Point zero zero three percent APY. The amount of interest I was accruing amounted to pennies. They basically got back any interest they paid me with their stupid fee. Meanwhile the Police and Fire Federal Credit Union gives me 4%. None of this decimal point bullshit, an actual solid percentage that amounts to actual money. PNC Bank can take that decimal point and shove it up their greedy asses.
I’d close my account with PNC Bank, but the only positive thing that they have going for them is their ATMs are in every Wawa, and there’s basically a Wawa on every corner in Philly and the surrounding area so it’s convenient for me if I ever need to take out cash. Other than that, there is absolutely no reason anyone should bank with PNC.
I can only imagine the hassle I’m going to endure when I finally go to close my account and take all of my money out of their piss-poor excuse for a bank. Fuck you, PNC Bank.