The spiritual successor to Trolled! is here!
Way back in the early days of the site, when I was hell-bent on pissing off everyone and anyone, I came up with a series of articles that I called Trolled!.
The premise was simple. I’d visit internet forums and shitpost until I was banned or I got bored, whichever came first (usually the boredom). I even had Señor Juan join in on the fun once. I made around six of these articles, culminating in a grand finale at Typology Central (a website based on an outdated and often discredited psychology theory) which the members of that forum still occasionally talk about to this very day.
That was in 2009. Since then, I’ve had many people ask me when the next Trolled! is, or if I’m ever going to do another one again.
The Trolled! series is dead.
It’s dead, it’s gone, it’s never coming back. And for good reason. Internet forums are a dying concept, being ultimately replaced by mega-sites like 4chan and Reddit. Trying to troll on 4chan is like pissing into the ocean, and Reddit has auto-moderation and professional moderators who spend their entire day moderating the various boards for free. I’d be stopped dead in my tracks after the first post. The posts that did manage to slip by would be downvoted by other users and hidden at the bottom of the page. The ability of the mob to collectively decide who has the right to express their opinion and what opinions are acceptable to express is my biggest problem with Reddit.
It’s with that in mind that I’m announcing a new series, which I’ve dubbed The Reddit Revue. The Reddit Revue is the spiritual successor to Trolled!, and will focus exclusively on the crazy and stupid stuff that people post on Reddit. The biggest difference will be that I won’t be posting my replies directly to the people, since an IP ban from Reddit would make future articles much harder to do. Instead, you’ll have to settle for me screencapping the posts (because Redditors love deleting their old posts for some reason) and issuing my snarky and scathing commentary right here on AJnet.
Now without further ado, let’s get into some shit.
At first I was unsure about my choice to make an article about Female Dating Strategy, but then I received this message upon joining and any doubt was immediately cast aside:
“If a man isn’t constantly pursuing you, he’s not that into you. Mixed signals = No.”
This welcome message reeks of vapid self-centeredness. Is this really how the average female mind operates? Doubtful, but let’s see if the rest of the board is as egotistical…
What the hell, it’s all just posts about this lady’s podcast! 4chan told me that this place was a hotbed of male hatred and female stupidity. This is just… boring. Now I have to go rummaging around the replies to find material to make fun of. I don’t know about smashing the patriarchy, but you’ve sure as hell minorly inconvenienced it.
Oh, there it is, found it:
I guarantee that guy does in fact fuck. I also guarantee that both of those women not only don’t fuck, but they also weigh 300+ lbs and own seven cats a piece. Their usernames are definitely appropriate though, can’t sue either of them for false advertising.
Hey, what the hell, putting down your sub is my job:
If YOU criticize the sub-Reddit then that takes the fun out of ME criticizing it! I feel like Papa Doc during his rap battle with B-Rabbit.
Well this explains everything. When in doubt, blame men:
Oh come on, this is the very first Reddit Revue, and now I have to leave Reddit if I want to continue it? Fuck that.
Let’s see what the guys are up to. Time to head on over to Male Dating Strategy and see what’s going on.
Aw-right, now that’s what I’m talkin’ about! I can feel the blind incel rage just oozing from this post:
I mean, what kind of conversation openers are you expecting from fucking Bumble? Did you think these women were going to hit you with a brief dissertation on the recent advancements in fusion power or something? (Seriously though folks, read up on that, we’re making a lot of serious progress on a sustainable and renewable energy source, it’s beautiful.)
I was wondering what happened to Leisure Suit Larry and Passionate Patti. Glad to see they’re doing well:
No, but I’m pretty sure Burneram90 has looked into drugs, and has definitely found them:
The last guy was clearly high on drugs. This one is just a fucking idiot:
Thankfully the incel from before was there to put him in his place:
People find attractive people more attractive than fat people. Who fucking knew? Next you’ll be telling me that water is wet:
If you think your weight is the problem then go on a diet you fucking fat ass.
If she says hi to you then it means she’s down to fuck, everyone knows that:
We’ve already moved on from Female Dating Strategy. Nice try though, TERRORIST:
Just look like Tyson Ritter?
Nice try, Chris-Chan:
(Yes, I’m aware that Chris-Chan transitioned and went to jail for raping his/her own mom. Are you aware that you can go fuck yourself?)
Or you could just, y’ know, move on like any normal non-autistic human being would do:
Clearly she doesn’t want to talk to you bro. As a professional pimp daddy motherfucker, my advice is to bang her best friend, her sister, and her grandmother.
“Oh no, now where am I going to go to get links to some bitch’s podcast?”
What version of Female Dating Strategy did this guy visit, and can he please send me the link? I think something was wrong with the version I received:
Heh, wrong place to ask that one, dude:
Listen, I have no problem with trans people, but transitioning in the span of one paragraph might be a little excessive:
Fucking right dude, this guy gets it! Let’s do some Hobart rips bro:
What the fuck are you even trying to say here? Did you start doing the Hobart rips without us?
I wonder if the irony of his post ever occurred to him:
This guy took the words right out of my mouth. Come do some Hobart rips with us bro:
Dating advice from a guy who looks like he’s about to go close the pool in Habbo Hotel:
Agreed bro, I’m out.
Now if you folks will excuse me, I’m off to go do some Hobart rips with the boys. See y’all next time.