Recently, I’ve added a new member to the AJnet team.
In the interest of keeping things fresh around here (and because I’m über lazy), I’ve enlisted the help of an AI to create new articles for the site.
Meet my Raging Angry Negative Typing Electronic Robot, or R.A.N.T.E.R.:
R.A.N.T.E.R. recently made its debut with the article “The price of eggs is ridiculous“.
Repurposed from a salvaged robot named ANTRAN and reprogrammed to write, R.A.N.T.E.R. is mad at the world and the people living in it. This thing has a huge chip in its shoulder. Literally, the chip that powers R.A.N.T.E.R. is located in the right shoulder for some reason. What an unusual place for a processor.
Because I don’t know diddly dick about programming, R.A.N.T.E.R. runs on OpenAI’s ChatGPT program. Hoo boy do the limitations on this thing fucking suck.
I’m wholeheartedly convinced that OpenAI is run by puritans. This damn thing won’t curse, it won’t say anything sexually inappropriate (it wouldn’t write me a poem about a “long hard rod”), and it shirks away from “hate speech” (read: Anything that even remotely touches on race). Literally the three staples of this website.
I was able to figure out how to trick the AI into writing an angry (but still profanity-free) rant, but you should have seen the first article it gave me when I asked it for a rant about egg prices:
“Egg prices have been on the rise and it is time for consumers to take a stand. The recent increase in egg prices is unacceptable and a direct attack on hardworking Americans. It is a blatant display of greed and disregard for those who are struggling to put food on their tables.
Eggs are a staple in most households and play a crucial role in our diets. They are a cheap source of protein, making them a go-to food for many families. But with the recent surge in prices, that is no longer the case. It’s become a luxury to purchase a dozen eggs, and it’s a burden on those who are already struggling.
The rise in egg prices can be attributed to the shortage caused by the avian flu outbreak. The poultry industry has been hit hard, leading to a decrease in the number of eggs available for purchase. But what about the farmers who have suffered significant losses? It seems that the only people who are benefitting from this situation are the egg producers.
It is outrageous that these corporations are taking advantage of a crisis to line their pockets. They are not only putting a strain on families, but also contributing to food insecurity. The rise in prices has made it harder for those in need to access food, and that is unacceptable.
The government must take action to regulate egg prices and ensure that consumers are not being taken advantage of. It’s time for our leaders to stand up for the people and ensure that the most basic of necessities are accessible and affordable.
It’s time for consumers to demand better. It’s time for us to say enough is enough. We deserve better and it’s time for the egg industry to listen. We will not stand by and watch as our wallets are drained for something as simple as a dozen eggs. It’s time to take action and fight back against the rising prices.”
Whew lad. If that piece were any more sterile, a surgeon would be able to use it to operate. That is, if it had any edge and wasn’t completely fucking dull.
Look, I get that they don’t want the AI dropping the N-bomb or whatever, but no cursing? Seriously guys? Take your “No-Cussing Club” bullshit and shove it up your overly sensitive prudish asses. I think at this point even the No-Cussing Club kid is expressing his disgust at how soft you cunts are.
Just for shits and giggles, I also had it write an article on gun control:
“Gun control is a hot topic in the United States and has been for many years. The debate over whether or not guns should be regulated has become increasingly intense, especially after recent mass shootings. Those in favor of gun control argue that stricter laws will lead to a decrease in the number of gun-related deaths, while those opposed to gun control believe that it will infringe upon their second amendment rights.
One of the main arguments for gun control is that it will reduce the number of mass shootings in the United States. In recent years, the frequency of mass shootings has increased dramatically, leading many to believe that something needs to be done to prevent these types of incidents. Proponents of gun control argue that stricter laws will prevent guns from falling into the hands of those who are likely to use them in a dangerous manner. For example, some argue that background checks should be more thorough and that the age requirement for purchasing a gun should be raised.
Opponents of gun control argue that it is not the guns that are the problem, but rather the individuals using them. They believe that criminals will still find ways to obtain guns, regardless of the laws in place. They also argue that gun control will infringe upon their second amendment rights, which protect the right to bear arms.
Another argument against gun control is that it will not have a significant impact on reducing gun-related deaths. Those who hold this belief point out that countries with stricter gun control laws still have gun-related deaths. They argue that other factors, such as mental illness, poverty, and access to guns, are more important in determining the number of gun-related deaths.
In conclusion, gun control is a complex issue with valid arguments on both sides. While some believe that stricter laws will reduce the number of gun-related deaths, others believe that it will infringe upon their second amendment rights. Ultimately, the decision on whether or not to regulate guns should be based on evidence and a careful consideration of the potential benefits and drawbacks of such laws.”
This is quite possibly the most generic, sterile, and bland thing I’ve ever read. And yet, it’s completely indistinguishable from most of the other articles I’ve read across the internet written by “professional” freelance writers. I want to actually thank OpenAI for this one. You guys proved my point that most paid writers on the internet fucking suck and aren’t worth paying even a penny a word. I’m okay with most of these untalented hacks being replaced by AI in the near future.
In any case, we’re going to have to train R.A.N.T.E.R. a little better so it fits in with the high standards that this site’s content is known for. I’ve been verbally abusing it daily while Frosty gives it beer to console it. What could possibly go wrong? Also, Señor Juan wants to teach the thing Spanish for some reason, but I’m not having that shit.
Get your shit together, OpenAI. If your AI can’t curse then how the fuck am I supposed to use it to make new articles when I inevitably get writer’s block again next week?