Lone retard goes postal, we all pay. Again.

Jared Loughner, you are without doubt the biggest fucking faggot in the entire state of Arizona. Your actions were complete fucking bullshit, and I hope you spend the rest of your miserable worthless existence bent over some dude’s prison bunk getting your ass plowed.

I’m getting extremely annoyed with seeing this ugly-ass motherfucker’s mugshot plastered all over every news outlet. What a goon:

When I walked into the room and saw this picture on TV for the first time, my initial thought was that Kane from the WWE had been arrested for something awesome like chokeslamming his wife. Then I realized that it was just a mugshot of some stupid mass-shooter who failed to kill a Congresswoman despite getting a fucking headshot.

And why does he have that big shit-eating grin on his face? Seriously, he looks way too happy for a guy who’s about to spend the rest of his life in an Arizona prison full of Mexicans. Maybe Jared’s failed assassination attempt was really just a plot to be the centerpiece in an interracial gangbang. Then when people call him a faggot, he can just claim he was “forced” and that he’s only “prison gay”.

At first, I blamed Jared for his actions, but as it turns out, others are to blame for this tragedy which will be exploited to high hell. The following are apparently the true culprits behind the shootings:

  • “Heated” political rhetoric
  • The availability of guns
  • The Tea Party
  • Sarah Palin
  • Glenn Beck
  • High-capacity magazines
  • Everything and everyone but Jared Loughner.

Here I was thinking that the person who pulled the trigger and fired into the crowd was the one responsible, when it was actually the weapon and differing political opinions that were to blame. How silly of me!

There is nothing or nobody to blame for this incident but Jared Loughner. Don’t give me that “He was influenced to do it!” bullshit. If that’s the case, then it’s still his fault for being an impressionable idiot, and it’s also his parents’ fault for raising an impressionable idiot. Heated political rhetoric? You mean having an opinion critical of the government, right? Sarah Palin? Give me a fucking break.

I don’t understand the logic behind killing politicians. All that happens is they get canonized and replaced, and their assassination used to further the agenda that you shot them over in the first place. I still stand by my belief that red ink is infinitely more powerful than bullets. You can’t push an agenda if you don’t have sufficient funds. It’s much easier to replace a politician than it is to replace lost finances.

So thanks to Jared Loughner, politicians will have more public martyrs in their quest to stifle free speech and disarm the American public, and gullible idiots everywhere will be saying shit like “GUNS ARE EVIL!!!” and “PEACEFUL DISSENT IS THE ANSWER!!”, while throwing around quotes by people like Martin Luther King Jr. and Gandhi. Hilariously enough, this is what Gandhi had to say on gun control:

(While protesting against British troops) “Every shot hit the target. Now that’s what I call gun control!”

He also had this to say:

“Among the many misdeeds of the British rule in India, history will look upon the Act depriving a whole nation of arms, as the blackest.”

Even the Dalai Lama is against gun control, as evidenced by these quotes:

“If someone has a gun and is trying to kill you, it would be reasonable to shoot back with your own gun. Not at the head, where a fatal wound might result. But at some other body part, such as a leg.”

“ANTE UP! No, cut that fool! They want to act stupid? Gun-butt that fool! When I cock that tool, nigga run your damn jewels, ‘fore we fuck around and lay you up in your own blood pool, nigga. Hunt you down nigga, run your ass down. Unleash the hounds til them niggaz’ll gun your ass down.”

The sources on that second one were kind of dubious, but I’m pretty sure it’s legit.

Well done Jared you faggot, well fucking done. Give yourself a pat on the back, with a fucking knife.

The Alphabet of AngryJerk.net

A is for:

AngryJerk.net. What the fuck did you expect it to be?

B is for:

Back to the Future, my favorite movie evar.

C is for:

Censorship, which can suck my cock. Hey, cock also begins with “C”. What a coincidence! Oh shit, coincidence begins with “C” too! That’s just fucking crazy. Oh fuck man, crazy also begins with- okay, I’ll stop now.

D is for:

Dr. Pepper, the nectar of the gods. Also, Dystheism, and the Dead Kennedys (before East Bay Ray sold them out like the faggot he is).

E is for:

Evil Genius, Pat Benatar’s most underrated song.

F is for:

Faggot, which describes everyone except me.

G is for:

Grace Slick, my inspiration for time travel.

H is for:

Haters, who are always going to hate.

I is for:

Internet, where I can use racial slurs without fear of reprisal, and Iron Maiden, the most awesome metal band ever.

J is for:

Johannson, as in Scarlett Johannson, who I would bang the fucking shit out of.

K is for:

Katy Perry, who I would also bang the fucking shit out of.

L is for:

Laugh, something you will not do once when reading my website. It also stands for Lost, which was an awesome series.

M is for:

Mature porn, which I download in copious amounts.

N is for:

NewEgg.com, an insatiable and addictive money hole. Also, Nightwish.

O is for:

Orson Welles, the greastest prankster to ever live. Also, the Offspring.

P is for:

Phoenix. Both the mythological bird that resurrects from its own ashes, and the Flash series that I’ve neglected.

Q is for:

Quack quack quack!

Come on, haven’t you seen “The Mighty Ducks”?

No?

Well fuck you then asshole.

R is for:

Rantlister.com, which is an awesome website and needs more forum members.

S is for:

Señor Juan, who has returned from his trip to Mexico and may or may not be working on an article for this site. S is also for sorry, as in “Sorry, but I’m not going to give you the attention you seek by dropping your name on my website.”

T is for:

Tarja fuckin’ Turunen, my soulmate and the queen of this website. And don’t forget about “Trolled!”, like I have for the past year or so. Speaking of years, T also stands for time travel.

U is for:

Uhhhh…

V is for:

V, the awesome science fiction series from the 1980’s. I guess I’ll also include the remake in this too, since it’s okay.

W is for:

Wumbo.

X is for:

Absolutely-fucking-nothing. Why is X even a fucking letter? Go to hell, X.

Y is for:

Yukon Jack, the official alcoholic beverage of this website.

Z is for:

Fuck this, I don’t feel like thinking of something for Z. This shit’s going up, and I’m going to bed.