REVIEW: Blazing Pocket’s review of AngryJerk.net

Tech/Internet

[Article] http://blazingpocket.com/reviews/item/10295-angryjerknet

[Owner] Lanzar

[Platform] HTML. Just in case you forgot you were browsing the internet.

[Layout] Either a sloppy mess of tables, or a very shitty WordPress template. Also has some weeaboo bullshit for a background.

[Release] December 2011

[Rating] 6. Out of 100.

[Highs] Possibly enjoyable after dropping acid. POSSIBLY.

[Lows] The entire fucking thing.

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Standards of Quality and Excellence

None.

The entire article is written with the literary finesse of a 5 year old. I mean, really. Look at this shit:

“Many times the opinions are saturated with political opinion and attract a wide variety of individuals in the audience.”

What the hell are you even trying to say here? I got a headache just reading that.

But one of the worst things about the review is how Lanzar uses “señor” and “senior” interchangeably. Who the fuck is “Senior Juan”? Is that supposed to be Señor Juan’s American twin? It’s Señor Juan! Señor! Not “senior”. There’s no “i” anywhere in the damn word. I could understand that you don’t know how to do the “ñ” character (Alt+0241 on the numpad), but don’t start adding letters. Juan isn’t some old man, nor does he have a son named Juan Jr. (his son’s name is Julio). Stop mispelling this shit, or I will smack you in the fucking face. With my dick. No homo.

Consistency of Characters and Canon

Lanzar is pretty consistent with his poor wording and overall shittiness.

Continuum and Community

I’m sorry, but it sounds fucking retarded when you use “continuum” in reference to a rant site.

As far as Lanzar’s community goes, an attempt to click on the link that says “Forum” yielded this:

How does it compare?

You’d be pressed to find a bigger turd.

Internet stage

Lanzar has been trying for at least 5 years, perhaps longer, to get a readerbase larger than himself, the occasional crawler bot, and his brother. He has yet to come even close to succeeding.

In case the above wasn’t clear enough for you, nobody reads Lanzar’s site.

Reviewer’s thoughts

Is Lanzar serious?

I wrote a whole other article before I decided to do this one instead. Since I don’t want the other article to go to waste, here’s some of my rebuttals to Lanzar:

  • My so-called “multi-faceted opinions” are due to the fact that during the five years I’ve been doing this website, I’ve gained knowledge and matured somewhat. Maybe Lanzar’s mind is incapable of receiving and processing new information that he acquires over time. Maybe he doesn’t want to grow up because he’s a Toys R Us kid. I don’t fucking know. I’ve never been afraid to admit when I’m wrong about something, mainly because I’m not a pussy.
  • The assessment of my forum as a “trolling forum” is so retarded that I honestly can’t give a rebuttal for it. It’s a completely baseless criticism. In fact, I wish the forum DID have more trolling. The closest thing we have to trolling are Lanzar’s long drawn-out posts that hardly ever make sense.
  • Have you read any of my articles after 2009? Hell, have you even bothered to look at the site’s index page? Grace Slick went out of style two years ago, being replaced by Finnish goddess Tarja Turunen:

That same picture can also be found on the index page, right below the big bold-faced text that says “ALL HAIL THE QUEEN OF ANGRYJERK.NET”. If it were any more obvious, it would have smashed an empty bottle of Captain Morgan over your head and called your mother a cunt.

  • He wonders why I still affiliate myself with Rantlister, despite their forum being pretty much dead and my Alexa ranking being slightly higher than theirs. Could it be because I’m an administrator over there? And if that’s not a good enough reason, maybe the fact that they helped me found my reader base will suffice? I may be a dick, but I’m certainly not a dickhead. There’s no way in hell I’m going to abandon the site that pretty much put me on the map, and fuck you for even suggesting such a thing.
  • LOL @ anybody still thinking Tucker Max was ever relevant. “Ooh look at me, I can make up stories about sexual escapades.” Bitch please. The only people who actually enjoyed your site were teenage virgins and middle-aged guys trying to relive their college days. Even Maddox has distanced himself from Tucker. Need more proof that he was never relevant? His shitty movie put him over $5,000,000 in the hole. No, really. Honestly, Tucker’s bullshit is enough to warrant its own article.

[Editor’s Note] You’re probably wondering why I didn’t just include this with “Reviewer’s thoughts”. Because Lanzar is stupid. That’s why.

Angry_Jerk

Hailing from the fine village of Northeast Philadelphia, AJ has been creating content on the internet for over 15 years. None of it has really been funny or entertaining, but he keeps trying anyway. Maybe he's bored, maybe he's drunk, maybe he's both.

https://angryjerk.net