Here in the great trashcan known as Filthadumpia, we’ve been having a slight problem with so-called “flash mobs“. Groups of uppity black youngsters are gathering en-masse and attacking people and robbing stores. No, this isn’t a racist generalization. Even the fucking mayor said it in a speech to a black church group.

Don’t be fooled by that moderately awesome video though, because Michael Nutter is still a toolbag. Just because his toolbag also has a tape measurer doesn’t make up for the fact that he’s still a fucking asshole who wants to add an extra tax to soda because it’s unhealthy. Fuck self-control, let’s make people pay more for the shit. Still, I guess he’s better than John Street (the last mayor) was, and infinitely better than that cocksucking prick Michael Bloomberg over in New York City. I became a born-again Christian just so I could pray to God every night before bed that that slimy asshole contracts cancer for being arrogant enough to have the city charter amended so he could run for a third term as mayor of New York City. Go fuck yourself in the ass with a chainsaw, Bloomberg.

Anyway, in order to combat these roving bands of barbarians, Nutter has instituted new curfew hours for minors in two areas of the city, the areas where these attacks are predominantly occuring (Center City and University City for those from Philly). The weekend curfew for minors has been changed from midnight to 9 PM. People are complaining that this is fascist, that the city has no right to tell citizens they can’t be out after a certain hour, and that’s it’s unfair to punish everyone for the actions of a few.

As it turns out, this whole thing made not only national news, but international news to boot. Being a resident of Pissadelphia, I’m expected to have some kind of opinion to give to the unwashed masses reading this website, most likely one along the lines of “OMG FASCIST/UNCONSTITUTIONAL!”

Well I hate to disappoint everyone, but I don’t think it’s fascist or unconstitutional. In fact, it’s one of the least fascist things the mayor could have done. I hear all this crying and bitching, but what did you assholes want him to do? The whole idea behind a flash mob is that it’s hard to prevent because it’s secretly coordinated. Maybe you’d rather he posts National Guard units on every corner? Or maybe he should have riot police respond in full force and start beating the shit out of these snot-nosed little shits? Doesn’t that sound so much better than extending the weekend curfew hours in a couple of areas of the city? Actually, having the riot police beat the fucking shit out of uppity teenage “gangstas” doesn’t sound that bad now that I’m thinking about it. I can already hear the hilarious cries of “Yo dawg, dis be some police brutality ‘n shit!”. Don’t want your shit wrecked? Don’t jump innocent people then, asshole.

I’m in no way demonstrating sympathy for Nutter, but in this case it appears he’s damned if he does and damned if he doesn’t. If he attempts to fight what’s becoming a very prominent problem, he’s labeled a fascist for it. Yet if he does nothing at all, he’s considered lazy and inept. Seriously, get off his sack already. He has to do something, and extending curfew hours for minors is the least fascist thing he could do. It’s not like he declared martial law and put the whole city under lockdown.

But hey, if you think there’s something else he could have done, feel free to suggest it. Otherwise, shut the fuck up and stop bashing Nutter just for the sake of bashing him.

By Angry_Jerk

The CEO/Editor-in-chief of AJnet, and the current king of internet ranting. Hailing from the fine village of Northeast Philadelphia, AJ has been creating content on the internet for over 15 years. None of it has really been funny or entertaining, but he keeps trying anyway. When he’s not creating new articles for the site, he can be found hitting the weights, watching anime, or playing retro video games.