My friend’s little sister is the greatest troll to ever live.

The other day, I was hanging out at Rotten Tom’s house drinking and calling everyone else who isn’t me a bunch of losers like I usually do. So I’m in the middle of talking about what a lame piece of shit my one friend is, when Rotten Tom’s little sister comes running downstairs into our awesome and totally-not-loserish basement hangout screaming excitedly about how she gets to go play in the back yard, and how Rotten Tom has been conscripted to babysit her while she does this. So reluctantly, we go outside and I continue my diatribe against my friend who isn’t there to defend himself.

I was in the middle of describing with disturbingly great detail my lame friend’s nightly ritual of being gangbanged by six black males when Rotten Tom’s sister comes running over screaming “AJ! AJ!” I attempted to ignore her as I do with most nagging females, but after she persisted for five minutes I was forced to respond. “What?” I replied rather sharply. She giggled and ran away. Whatever.

I continued my story where I left off, with my lame friend attempting to stuff three cocks in his mouth at once. Just as he succeeded in getting the second one into his mouth, I felt someone poke my back. I turn around, only to find nobody. Ignoring the giggling coming from behind a bush near me, I continued describing my lame friend’s Olympian endeavor to fit three large black penises into his mouth. A second later, I felt another poke on my back, followed by more giggling coming from behind the bush. I ignored this too, and kept on with my story. Much like my friend who now felt a cock prodding at his asshole, I too felt a prodding. For the third time now, someone was poking my back. At this rate I would never finish the extremely perverse and disturbingly-detailed story involving my lame friend and his multiple black suitors. This stupid repetitive bullshit was starting to annoy me. Keeping a vigilant ear open for the pattering sound of little feet, I started describing how the cock at my friend’s back door was too large, and his asshole might not be able to handle such strain. Sure enough, I heard the sound of little feet shuffling across the grass behind me. Now it was I who had the upper-hand! As the shuffling noise got within 5 feet of me, I braced myself for the imminent poke. Sure enough, the poke came, and my reflexes kicked in as I grabbed the arm of the person poking my back. I spun around to face the culprit: Rotten Tom’s little sister! “Hey!” I said sharply, “That’s annoying. Knock it off!” She ran off to her sliding board, giggling.

So later that day, I went home to peruse my normal internet hangouts. I checked in on one forum, and saw that someone replied to one of my topics. I noticed the username. Oh great, it’s that guy who always calls me stupid. Gee, I wonder what he’s got to say this time. Sure enough, his reply consisted of calling me stupid. This guy’s flames were repetitive and just plain annoying, so I told him this. Immediately I was informed by other users that I had in fact been trolled, and therefore owned.

All these years, I was working under the assumption that “trolling” was the act of saying purposely inflammatory statements to goad an angry response out of the recipient. As it turns out, “trolling” is as simple as repeating the same insult over and over again until the recipient calls you annoying and tells you to shut the fuck up.

That’s when it hit me: Rotten Tom’s 7 year old sister is the greatest troll to ever live. Time after time, she never fails to irritate her older brother and his friends with her childish repetitive antics that are meant to annoy others for her amusement. That guy on that forum doesn’t have shit on this little girl.

Seriously you dumbasses, learn what “trolling” is. Being repetitively unfunny and annoying the shit out of someone until they tell you to shut the fuck up doesn’t make you a troll, it just makes you an unfunny annoying cunt.

Still unsure of what you are? Here are a few examples to help you determine whether you’re a troll or just an annoying cunt:

  • Repeatedly making blatantly false posts to make some over-zealous asshole waste his time disproving them: Trolling
  • Repeatedly calling someone fat, then being told to shut the fuck up: Being an annoying cunt
  • Creating an alt account that draws the ire of an entire forum by making obnoxious long posts about philosophical bullshit: Trolling
  • Creating an alt account that does nothing but flame others: Being an annoying cunt

You people annoy me.

By Angry_Jerk

The CEO/Editor-in-chief of AJnet, and the current king of internet ranting. Hailing from the fine village of Northeast Philadelphia, AJ has been creating content on the internet for over 15 years. None of it has really been funny or entertaining, but he keeps trying anyway. When he’s not creating new articles for the site, he can be found hitting the weights, watching anime, or playing retro video games.