I received a detailed death threat from an angry edgelord.

From: Alban Abendroth <[email protected]>

Date: 1/17/10

Subject: Cutting Your Liver Out

I’m going to find where you live, and put a huge fucking knife in between your fucking ribs, and I’m going to repeat this process for several minutes so your blood is running all over the floor of your home. Then I’m going to put aside the knife, and pick up the cleaver. I will swing it down at ever fucking joint in your fucking cancer ridden body, lopping off all hands, feet and anything else that comes off. There will be blood everywhere. I will drink it all. I will keep you alive as I am carving your flesh up into tastey morsels like finger foods. I will fucking rape your loved ones, and your kids will be sodomised and eaten and I’ll keep their skulls as trophies. I will saw vertically down your fucking cock so you will never misuse it again. And then I’ll lop your testicles off and shove them down your childs dead throat. I will slice, slowly, across your windpipe as I am nearing the end. I will lop your head off and show it your body in the 20 seconds it remains alive as you painfully die.

I will take photographs of your chopped up filthy scumbag body, and your fucking dead children who I raped with knives, and send them to your senile grandmother before forcing her to eat my vomit. The dirty cow.

Your mother will feast on my jizz and sick, before I cut her eyes out and shit in her face. The fucking filthy cunt will love every moment of the bloody death and rape I provide her with.

Your father will simply be stabbed to fucking death for helping produce such scum as you. He deserves to die.

If you have a wife, she will bleed all over your fucking kitchen and I will make her lick it up off the dirty floor because she’s a fucking cunt and deserves no better. After, I will shoot her in the face. I’ll also eat her.

I’ll make your wife squirt in your daughters mouth. At gunpoint.

And after all this has been done, I will smile, drinking cocoa, to wash down your flesh, and I will lay with the bodies dreaming of a better life..

May cancer kill you before I get my hands on you. Because cancer won’t be as painful.

This email coincided with him posting similar bullshit on my YouTube page, as well as several hits from a forum topic. It turns out this living abortion is some goth fag who apparently took issue with my “Of Serial Killers and Sexual Attraction” article. He’s also a fan of Grace Slick, as evidenced by his user name on the forum, “Gore for Grace”, with Grace Slick as his avatar. Grace Slick is apparently serious fucking business, enough to warrant a detailed death threat against me and my nonexistent wife and kids. After 5 minutes of research, I discovered that Edgezilla here is a “gothic rapper” from England going by the nickname “Sladen Dead“. Sladen Dead has an obsession with Elisabeth Sladen, the actress from Dr. Who. He even made this:

Could he have chosen a worse picture of her?

It also turns out that his father beats him on a regular basis, resulting in his angst. Well shit, I’d beat my kid too if he looked like this:

I decided to reply to him:

Oh yeah? Well I question your sexuality. What do you have to say about that, HMMMMMMMM?

His response:

I know where you live. I traced you. I have contacts. And they agreed that your blood must be spilt. They are like a pack of hungry wolves, and once they’ve set their eyes upon a target, you’re minced meat.

Sexuality is nothing. Nothing matters in life but death. It is the only factor that matters. Death. The End. And you are going to die. God save you, you are going to die in suck fucking pain. I HUNGER for your skin. You don’t understand. I NEED you dead. It’s essential for my happiness. And you are threatening my happiness by being alive. You have to die. AND you will..


The sexual overtones in this email were too much for me. I replied:

Dude you just gave me the biggest boner. Can you change your name to Molly Murder so I can pretend you’re a girl and get off to your sexually provocative posts?


I guess it was too much for him too:

Oh there’s no need for that. I’m going to rape your corpse anyway, little queer. Suck your blood up and spit it back into your lovers face. Stabbing, stabbing and stabbing until all that’s left is a pile of sludge. I orgasm thinking about your dead. I orgasm more thinking about your children dead. And so, you understand, they have to die. My dad used to beat me up as a child. And he was right to. It’s the only way to treat people, especially children. However, I still cut his throat. Because he taught me that’s the way to be. Brought up with respect for death, and the beauty that comes with it. My uncle went to prison because he raped a baby and he told me that it was so good and he never regreted doing it.. I look up to my uncle.

Ask your son what the strange man made him suck.

In the same email, he calls me gay, then he talks about raping me, idolizing his baby rapist uncle, and getting sucked off by an underage boy. Um, what? Is this some kind of new trolling technique where you embarrass yourself to draw ire from others? If so, it worked.

By Angry_Jerk

The CEO/Editor-in-chief of AJnet, and the current king of internet ranting. Hailing from the fine village of Northeast Philadelphia, AJ has been creating content on the internet for over 15 years. None of it has really been funny or entertaining, but he keeps trying anyway. When he’s not creating new articles for the site, he can be found hitting the weights, watching anime, or playing retro video games.