I WANT TO ESCAPE FAR, FAR AWAY

By X.U.

 

NOTE FROM AJ: This article was submitted by X.U. and posted as-is, with no editing.

 

Oftentimes I get this feeling that I’m completely alone…walking amidst that endless crowd. I wake up every morning with no purpose…dragging myself to school/work. I'm fucking tired of this place, the people, the environment, everything. I just wanna leave this place and never come back. Fuck, I'd rather be in Japan right now...or Libya…or anywhere in the world where some shit is going on. Currently I'm stuck in school in a shitty program; I work at a dead end job with little to no possibility of advancement/promotion; my parents think I'm stupid (my bro who is 8 has already proven to be smarter than me on many levels, I kid you not); I have no friends (the ones I did have have either left me for no fucking reason or backstabbed me in the end). Basically my future is bleak...

If there's one thing I learned in life, it's that you can lie to others, but you should never lie to yourself. You must always have a clear understanding of who you are. You must be truthful to yourself at all times. And the truth is, I've been lying to myself all my life. I've convinced myself that I could one day become successful, that I could do great things in life..... But only now do I realize that that was a lie. A BIG FUCKING LIE. I'm probably never gonna get anywhere in life, even though I’ve worked hard all these years. If you're rich, and your family has connections, then your covered. Unfortunately for me, I'm part of the 99% of the population that does not fall into that category. In the end, a few will make it, but the vast majority of us will end up as slaves and will have to work our fucking asses off just to earn a decent livelihood, and ultimately we’ll still get fucked in the ass by those rich greedy cocksuckers at the top. Here’s an example: Yesterday gas prices in Toronto reached a record high of $1.41 per litre. There is NO justification for this given that Canada is a huge oil-producing country (people in Saudi Arabia pay one of the lowest gas prices in the world). Believe it or not, we are the number 1 exporter of petroleum to the US. So, we export most of our oil to the States, but we end up paying way more than what American’s pay. I hate you Americans………but then, I wish we had some American blood in us, because this would never happen there….. (so Americans, stop complaining about your gas prices. You guys have it pretty good actually). Now I’m just hoping the toothless politicians will actually do something about this scam (no they won’t, as they’re thinking about financial support for the next election), because this is fucking daylight robbery.

You know what else I hate? These "inspirational speakers" that get invited to my school like every fucking week to give their lectures (many of which we have to attend) on how to succeed in life. Basically these people tell us the same shit over and over again. "Just be yourself...believe in yourself....persevere and you'll be successful.....follow your dreams.....whatever you do, don't give up....blah blah blah blah blah." Fuck I hate those cocksuckers! When I listen to their lectures it's like I'm watching a fucking Disney movie. I've yet to hear anything original come out of their mouths. Inspirational my ass.

I honestly don’t know what my future holds. As much as I hate school (York University, that’s you you motherfucker), a part of me wish that it could last longer because I’m NOT looking forward to graduation, as I’ll be facing huge fucking competition when I graduate. I’m gonna be competing against thousands of “highly-educated” graduates (zombies) that are probably gonna be more “qualified” than I am for a position with long hours and shitty pay (FML).

Someone once told me that if I truly wanted a job with good prospects then I need to get into a non-technical position (basically a position where you get to use your mouth instead of your hands/brain; I’m in computer science). You know what I’m talking about. Almost all companies and organizations nowadays have these upper-level prestigious (bullshit) positions like “director” or “coordinator.” A lot of these guys do nothing but boss people around and at the end of the day collect their big fat paychecks, while the real workers, the “engine” of the company/organization, almost always hold the bottom positions and are the ones getting fucked in the ass. Is this fair??? NO, it’s not fair. So why aren’t these workers rising up against their bosses and demand better treatment? Are they so afraid that they’ll lose their jobs and that they’ll get blacklisted or some shit? Why are people so afraid to challenge the status quo??? That’s my question.

I think it's fair to say that it's a shit world we live in, but in the end there's really nothing we can do about it. Basically, I think what I’m trying to say is that the future scares the shit out of me, because it's not linear. I see it as a tree with 8472982340982374 separate limbs in every conceivable direction. Tomorrow will be the first day of the rest of my life, and that will invalidate "now." Today will be made irrelevant, as it will be turned into yesterday, and so on and so forth. To me, the only thing that really exists is this moment, right here, right now. And to be honest, I don’t know how to make the most out of it. We live in a fucking cold and uncaring world. Everything is in a perpetual state of shift until something destroys it completely. Like eventually I will die, and rot. Everybody I’ve ever known, ever loved, or hated, they’ll die too. The memory of me will be tainted until eventually it will be lost forever…..

Back to what I was saying. As much as I hate all the shit that goes on in this world, what I hate even more is my inability to change anything because I DON'T HAVE ANY FUCKING POWER. It’s me against them, and I don’t stand a fucking chance. I mean look at what happened in Libya recently, with the coalition forces imposing a no fly zone over the country and bombing Gadefi’s forces (I don’t give a fuck how to spell the mofo’s name). There’s nothing the Libyans can do but watch fighter jets bomb the shit out of their homes. This is what pisses me the fuck off. What right do these cocksuckers have to interfere in a sovereign nation’s internal affairs?? They DON’T have the right, but they CAN, because they have POWER. Simple as that. And since Libya is an oil producing country, Western interests are at stake. You think that if the uprising had occurred in some poor 3rd world African shithole we would’ve given a fuck about it?

Here are 2 quotes from one of my favourite video games, Far Cry 2, that I think is relevant to what I’m saying here:

“I'll tell you what's sick! People in the UK, in the US, fucking Canada, Sweden - they pay their taxes and some remote-piloted drone fires a missile into a public market to hit some warlord. Yeah, so maybe war doesn't happen for another six months, and the price of that gluten-free sorghum bread stays low. It's not sick to arm people, it's sick to bump off their crooks and dictators in protection of our interests and then call it international justice.”

“Who gets the lion's share; that's what it's all about. Whether it's between children, or animals, or warlords. It's not that everyone wants a piece, it's that everyone wants the biggest piece. And the biggest piece doesn't go to the monkey, or to the giraffe. The biggest piece goes to the lion. Because the lion is the fucking king! That's how it works. It worked that way a million years before there were men saying otherwise.”

That’s all I have to say. My head is hurting like a bitch. Bye.

p.s. To all you elitist pseudo-intellectual assholes out there, go fuck yourself. I hope you choke on your next $6 latte.