LEGAL BULLSHIT

 

 

Alright, so maybe you're actually someone's legal counsel and weren't amused by that article about my fictitious legal team. You might be pretty ticked off that you clicked a link expecting serious legal information, only to be met with a picture of some ghetto thugs posturing at the camera. If you aren't, well, you're welcome to come over to the dark side and join the Army of the Phoenix King. We're not much yet, but we do have a semi-active internet forum. Sort of. And once in a blue moon, we do have a pretty active TinyChat chatroom.

Anyway, here's the deal. I'm not a complete asshole (only about 85%), and am willing to work with you within reason to avoid a stupid court battle. Let's face it. We could both be doing something better with our time, like getting drunk or playing Grand Theft Auto San Andreas, maybe at the same time.

Here are some generic complaints you might have, and how I might respond to them.

 

"You insulted me/my client in an article. Remove it at once or we're suing!"

Unless you can prove that what I said was untrue, you or your client can suck it up and deal. Suing somebody for having an unfavorable opinion of you is the most counterproductive thing you can do, and I definitely won't go down without a fight.

If you can demonstrate to me that you're not whatever I accused you of being in the article, then I'll gladly post a retraction, which will also be linked to on the article in question. I'm still not going to delete the article.

 

"Copyright infringement, DMCA, intellectual property, blah blah blah"

If I'm using something someone else wrote or made, I usually give them credit in some form or another. Most of the time, I find the pictures I use in articles on Google Image Search. I download them and reupload them to my website, both to preserve them should their link eventually 404 and to save the original host some bandwidth. If I have used a picture found exclusively on your website and you are pissed off by this, you're a douchebag. Still, prove to me that you are the original creator of the image in question, and I'll begrudgingly remove it.

If you are a representative of some record company claiming infringement, you should know that any audio you might have found is not posted on the site for download, but either for occasional use as background music or review purposes. I do not make a profit from this site in any way, shape, or form, and would greatly appreciate it if you understood that I'm not attempting to distribute said audio for personal download. Frivilous DMCA claims will be dealt with in an appropriate manner, most likely a mocking article.

 

"That's a picture of me/my client on your site! Take it down!"

As I stated before, I usually use Google Image Search to find whatever picture I might need. Sometimes these pictures are of actual people who aren't public figures. I apologize if my use of your picture has caused you any damages, and if you can prove to me that you are the person in the picture I will remove it.

Unless of course you're the subject of the article, in which case the response to "You insulted me/my client in an article" applies.

 

If you need to contact me about a legal matter on this website, please contact me at legal@angryjerk.net, with the subject line "Legal Matter". I don't look forward to hearing your silly complaints.