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HATE MAIL
LAST UPDATED: 8/20/10
As I stated on the Fan Mail page, I don't generally get a lot of emails either way. Here are the only hate mails that I've gotten that were more than two words.
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Captain Ozone somehow found my coverage of his super-faggotry (most likely by Googling his name like the narcissistic cocksucker he is), and was less than happy with it. Sorry for getting this up so late, but your mom.
From: Will Ozone <willozone@gmail.com>
Date: 6/19/10
Subject: Captain Ozone
"He who shouts fag the loudest is probably a fag."Maybe you can tell us on your website what's so intellectually controversial about ignorance and bigotry, even if it's merely in jest, Angry Jerk?I think you failed to recognize my sense of humor:~Captain Ozone
So let me get this straight. This guy came to my site looking for "intellectual controversy", and he couldn't find it? Are you fucking blind? My site is full of intellectual controversy. Like all the constant references to me being physically abusive towards my ex-girlfriend (Oh that reminds me Steph. I found that little stuffed monkey of yours. If you want it back, you have to give me some make-up sex). Or what about that time I posted that one guy's IP address and called him a pedophile? And what about that other article where I made that joke about throwing Jews into ovens? Or how about all of those sly references to the number 216 I slip into my articles? Bet you're not intellectual enough to figure out the number's significance, Ozone. It's not that there isn't any intellectual controversy on my site. You're just too goddamn stupid to recognize it when you see it.
In any case, I attempted to reach out and enlighten our young padawan:
Sorry, I guess I missed your sense of humor because it wasn't funny.
Did you really expect me to sit through that 26 minute video you sent
me? I can barely watch an 11 minute episode of Invader Zim on my
computer without being distracted. If I'm that distracted even when
watching something I enjoy, what makes you think I'm going to watch 26 minutes of environmentalist bullshit? I'm not a hypocrite and would
die defending your right to promote whatever your message is, but holy cow man, I feel unclean from just skimming through 10 seconds of that garbage.
I'll admit, my knowledge of you is limited to Encyclopedia Dramatica
and the World Super Hero Registry. From what I've read, you seem like
an utterly reprehensible faggot. I mean, you actually threatened to
sue somebody for calling you a murderer and rapist over the internet
(http://encyclopediadramatica.com/R.O.A.C.H.#Other_Villains_of_Note).
Putting aside the fact that only a whiny bitch would threaten to sue
someone for talking smack online, you obviously don't think too much
of your fans if you feel they're dumb enough to believe facetious
accusations of murder and rape on some loser's blog. You claim you
want to help the world, but who are you helping by threating people with lawsuits? A truly noble person would have brushed it off and continued doing what they're doing. If you're so easily bothered by the nonsensical tripe of others, maybe you shouldn't be an activist.
Any lawyer who tells you that you could win that case is full of shit and only looking to screw you out of your money. Next time you want to spend money pursuing legal action against an obvious troll, ask yourself "Who is this going to help?" Instead of contributing to the decline of society, give the money you would have spent on the lawyer to a charity that supports what you believe in.
I would refute your claims about my website being full of ignorance and bigotry, but quite frankly I don't think it's worth it. You're just some self-righteous dork trying to wave his prick around.
Hit the pike, buddy.
But as it turns out, Captain Ozone's legal counsel DID NOT send that legal notice. The plot thickens, much like Captain Ozone's dense skull:
Now, now, settle down. Let's not get all defensive and huffy, my darling Dutch cleaning boy.If you would have read that lawsuit threat just a tad closer, you would have noticed that it's a fake too, most likely written by the same person who wrote that humorous article about me being a futuristic rapist and murderer.My goodness, you're really keen, aren't you?You mean you didn't enjoy Chuck Heston at the beginning of my documentary?I truly am in awe of your aptitude and astuteness, Angry Jerk.~Captain Ozone
Hey broski, chillax. You're an environmentalist faggot who wears tight-fitting costumes and poses on top of giant logs. The whole lawsuit thing wasn't that big of a leap to make.
And yeah, I guess I'm too inept to get your message, whatever the fuck it is. Maybe you'll give me a hand here?
I'm sure you're trying to make some kind of point or convey some kind
of message to me in your emails, but I'll be damned if I can figure out what it is.
I guess not =(
In view of the fact that you're a dull-witted person, I'm not too surprised.~CO~
Ah well, so much for super heroes being noble and helping out "lesser" folk like me. Captain Ozone? More like Captain Douchebag.
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From: Michael Bradshaw <siwuebfye@hotmail.com>
Date: 12/26/09
Subject: fuck urself
what r u waiting for? go fuck urself.
I already do five times a day, usually to this picture:
But I'll do it a 6th time just for you, Michael.
Click here to read more of Michael's faggotry.
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From: Mr. Jonas <milked_ur_dog@hotmail.com>
Date: 12/30/09
Subject: angry jerk makes a jerk angry with his shittyness
you are a huge nerd. your website is shit, your personality is shit, every article your write has a lot of shit in it. your flash series is a joke, that's not helping your cause of becoming less shit. maybe i'm being a bit mean considering i've only read about 4 articles, but my god, i read little ninnies blogs when im bored and they bring me more entertainment then you. you know when you're bored and watching TV and nothing is on, so you pick something that sounds the most interesting and try to enjoy it. Well, thats what i'd rather do then try and find humour in your pathetic nerd site. try not to get 12 boners from your first ever hate mail. fag.
You'd rather read another website than read mine? Damn, that's gotta be one of the most brutal things ever said to me.
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From: Alban Abendroth <albanabendroth@yahoo.com>
Date: 1/17/10
Subject: Cutting Your Liver Out
I'm going to find where you live, and put a huge fucking knife in between your fucking ribs, and I'm going to repeat this process for several minutes so your blood is running all over the floor of your home. Then I'm going to put aside the knife, and pick up the cleaver. I will swing it down at ever fucking joint in your fucking cancer ridden body, lopping off all hands, feet and anything else that comes off. There will be blood everywhere. I will drink it all. I will keep you alive as I am carving your flesh up into tastey morsels like finger foods. I will fucking rape your loved ones, and your kids will be sodomised and eaten and I'll keep their skulls as trophies. I will saw vertically down your fucking cock so you will never misuse it again. And then I'll lop your testicles off and shove them down your childs dead throat. I will slice, slowly, across your windpipe as I am nearing the end. I will lop your head off and show it your body in the 20 seconds it remains alive as you painfully die.
I will take photographs of your chopped up filthy scumbag body, and your fucking dead children who I raped with knives, and send them to your senile grandmother before forcing her to eat my vomit. The dirty cow.
Your mother will feast on my jizz and sick, before I cut her eyes out and shit in her face. The fucking filthy cunt will love every moment of the bloody death and rape I provide her with.
Your father will simply be stabbed to fucking death for helping produce such scum as you. He deserves to die.
If you have a wife, she will bleed all over your fucking kitchen and I will make her lick it up off the dirty floor because she's a fucking cunt and deserves no better. After, I will shoot her in the face. I'll also eat her.
I'll make your wife squirt in your daughters mouth. At gunpoint.
And after all this has been done, I will smile, drinking cocoa, to wash down your flesh, and I will lay with the bodies dreaming of a better life..
May cancer kill you before I get my hands on you. Because cancer won't be as painful.
This email coincided with him posting similar bullshit on my YouTube page, as well as several hits from a forum topic. It turns out this living abortion is some goth fag who apparently took issue with my "Of Serial Killers and Sexual Attraction" article. He's also a fan of Grace Slick, as evidenced by his user name on the forum, "Gore for Grace", with Grace Slick as his avatar. Grace Slick is apparently serious fucking business, enough to warrant a detailed death threat against me and my nonexistent wife and kids. After 5 minutes of research, I discovered that Fagzilla here is a "gothic rapper" from England going by the nickname "Sladen Dead". Sladen Dead has an obsession with Elisabeth Sladen, the actress from Dr. Who. He even made this:
Could he have chosen a worse picture of her?
It also turns out that his father beats him on a regular basis, resulting in his angst. Well shit, I'd beat my kid too if he looked like this:
I decided to reply to him:
Oh yeah? Well I question your sexuality. What do you have to say about that, HMMMMMMMM?
His response:
I know where you live. I traced you. I have contacts. And they agreed that your blood must be spilt. They are like a pack of hungry wolves, and once they've set their eyes upon a target, you're minced meat.Sexuality is nothing. Nothing matters in life but death. It is the only factor that matters. Death. The End. And you are going to die. God save you, you are going to die in suck fucking pain. I HUNGER for your skin. You don't understand. I NEED you dead. It's essential for my happiness. And you are threatening my happiness by being alive. You have to die. AND you will..
The sexual overtones in this email were too much for me. I replied:
Dude you just gave me the biggest boner. Can you change your name to Molly Murder so I can pretend you're a girl and get off to your sexually provocative posts?
I guess it was too much for him too:
Oh there's no need for that. I'm going to rape your corpse anyway, little queer. Suck your blood up and spit it back into your lovers face. Stabbing, stabbing and stabbing until all that's left is a pile of sludge. I orgasm thinking about your dead. I orgasm more thinking about your children dead. And so, you understand, they have to die. My dad used to beat me up as a child. And he was right to. It's the only way to treat people, especially children. However, I still cut his throat. Because he taught me that's the way to be. Brought up with respect for death, and the beauty that comes with it. My uncle went to prison because he raped a baby and he told me that it was so good and he never regreted doing it.. I look up to my uncle.
Ask your son what the strange man made him suck.In the same email, he calls me gay, then he talks about raping me, idolizing his baby rapist uncle, and getting sucked off by an underage boy. Um, what? Is this some kind of new trolling technique where you embarrass yourself to draw ire from others? If so, it worked.
Send me some more hatemail, bitches.
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