FAN MAIL

LAST UPDATED: 10/5/11

 

I decided that it was time to share some of the emails I get. While I don't get a lot of emails from readers either way, this is some of my fanmail.

 

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From: Paul

Date: 9/25/11

Subject: pickup trucks

Dear Angry Jerk, I really loved your rant on pickup truck drivers and what assholes the majority of them are. You are absolutely 100% percent correct. I drive a Ford Taurus and have made a few observations on these asshole types myself. First the really grade A assholes drive black pickup trucks. Gotta have the whole macho color thing going on as well. Secondly, they usually have aftermarket glass packs or install a special muffler system that makes a loud, deep noise as they drive. They want you to hear them coming from at least a quarter mime away. Thirdly, the greatest assholes drive Dodge pickups. Dodge has that "big rig" look. Even though these morons aren't real truckers they stay like to pretend. Lastly, the biggest douchebags drive 2500 series pickups. As with a 2500 series you sit up higher than a 1500 series. They usually don't drive 3500 series as that seems to be a " working truck" or contractor's truck if you will. However I must add that tgose who drive black Ford F-250 pickups are a close second in the overall asshole title to those who drive black Dodge 2500 series pickups. Angry Jerk, again I really enjoyed your reading your blog and your really 'hit the nail on the head' when talking about pickup truck drivers.

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From: Colton

Date: 2/11/11

Subject: I Love you man

I love you man! your views on everything are fucking amazing, justified and actually have purpose. Thank you! I really Enjoy reading your work.

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From: Jacob

Date: 2/8/11

Subject: Good shit

I've been reading some of the stuff on your site for the past couple months. Your Trolled section and a lot of your articles are funny as fuck.

Keep up the updates.

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From: Raven

Date: 11/20/10

Subject: Hey AngryJerk

Hey, I've seen your page, and I have to say, you're just plain awesome. Keep telling off the haters for us, that shit is hilarious, especially the Craigslist trollings. I think you may just be the first person I ever look up to. And if you need to troll at someone worth trolling, I can link you to a 500 pound adult that thinks that she's still 14 that draws herself as a skinny cat-girl on those art social networks.

P.S.: Thanks for the meatspin link, now the white-Spanish-gangster population of my school have something to search for besides their constantly pregnant girlfriends.

Also from Raven...

Date: 12/17/10

Subject: Jersey Shore

Holy shit.

Thank you.

For the last God-knows-how-many months, I've been trying to convince myself that I'm not the only person who thinks Jersey Shore is a piece of shit. Snooki looks like she has some kind of fucking tumor in her head that's grown to the point where her entire hair rises up to accommodate it.

Again, thank you. You've made my day once again.

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From: John

Date: 11/6/10

Subject: Love it.

Just wanted to drop a line saying I love your article about the stupid people with the loud music at http://www.angryjerk.net/car.php I just need you to have you and your ninja assistant come and live near my neighborhood to stop these jerks from blasting their crappy music in their their POS cars at odd hours of the night.

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From: Lord Galen

Date: 10/25/10

Subject: Porn rant

I saw a referrer in my logs from your site and went to check it out. It was your rant about things that shouldn't be done in porn. I fucking lol'd, bro. Great job on that one. I found myself wishing I'd covered those things too.

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From: Scott

Date: 10/24/10

Subject: yes, I'm an idiot

No, this is not a legal notice but I just couldn't find the address to send general comments. I'm certain it's right in front of my nose, but my cannabis smoking regimen to clear up my vision has not kicked in as of yet.

 

Anyhow, I stumbled across your site looking up information regarding CDL regulations. The article that appeared was regarding pickup trucks.

 

Yep, I drive one. A huge one. A "dually." It's my work truck for a scrap metal business. (Oh yeah, by the way I recycle more in one week than any tree hugger in a BMW does in a five year period. Bunch of faggots).

 

AND I HATE PICKUP DRIVERS AS MUCH AS YOU. Except I take it a step further...I hate all drivers.

 

As a life long biker as well, I can completely agree with everything you stated. I try to always drive defensively, obey and understand traffic laws and stay within some modicum of legal speed limits unless I'm on the interstate with proper following distance and adjusting for weather conditions.

 

What do I receive for this high level of safe driving? NOT A GODDAMN THING EXCEPT FRUSTRATION.

 

Our country has developed the driving habits of third world subhumans. That's not saying Europe is much better...my pale face brethren in Athens, Paris, and London aren't a whole lot better.

 

I firmly believe at one time we were a nation of some of the best drivers on earth.

 

We have dumbed down everything to help third world knuckleheads get a license...yeah, sounds like I'm an asshole, but I digress.

 

PERFECT EXAMPLE: I took a CDL (commercial drivers test) back in 1995. I studied the book, went to the DMV and spent about an hour taking a fairly intensive written test. I recently went to take it again, and it was a 20 question retard level quiz on a touch screen computer. It was a total joke...not so funny when Tijuana Ted runs his 80,000 pound gross vehicle weight tractor into a group of Girl Scouts on their way to give leftover cookies to a homeless shelter.

 

Oh, fuck it. I guess I'll get back to my scrap pile.

 

Keep up the good work,

 

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From: Joe W.

Date: 10/16/10

Subject: Awesome Site

Hey i was just on your site and it was hilarious. I love Grace Slick, The Dead Kennedys, and Iron Maiden and agree with you over everything, especially Green Day. Since you love the dead Kennedys and Iron Maiden you shoud check out The Mentors, who's genre is called "Rape Rock" and is a cross between metal and punk. listen to these awesome songs by them

My Erection Is Over

Heterosexuals Have The Right to Rock

Rock Em SOck Em

Golden Showers

Service Me or Be Smacked.

you're way better than Maddox

 

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From: Sara (Yes I am very much aware that Sara and Kara rhyme, so please omit this when writing me a hatemail accusing me of making these up.)

Date: 9/12/10

Subject: Hey Jerk

Love your site! Keep it up!

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From: Kara

Date: 6/30/10

Subject: (No Subject)

You are FUCKING hilarious!!!  I will definitely be back to read more...

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From: Sean M.

Date: 6/29/10

Subject: Nice article...one of your best

Hey man,
 
While I think you're being a little too paranoid , you've definitely made some very good points in your latest article. Believe it or not, I'm actually a minority, and I just hate being treated differently. Here's an example. Last month I applied for a job at the university library. The application form clearly states that the university has implemented a policy of affirmative action and will give preferential treatment to the following groups: Aboriginal Peoples, Visible Minorities, Persons with Disabilities, and Women (it sucks to be an able-bodied white man lol). And since I'm a minority, I will be given preferential treatment. They actually call this "Employment Equity"....I'm speechless. To me, this is a huge insult. Why? Because I don't want people to think that I got a job because I checked a box that states I'm a minority. I want people to think that I competed for a job at the same level as everyone else. When hiring, the applicant's qualification should be the only factor to consider. Race, gender, background....are completely irrelevant. 

 

(Sean is referring to my "I'm not discriminating again you, they are" article)

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From: Tom

Date: 6/28/10

Subject: It's Tom. (Since I'm sure at least a few people are wondering why this is the subject, Tom is an IRL friend of mine.)

Dude i checked out you're website and noticed under fan mail you got this a lot but I'm saying it anyway...you are my fucking hero lol. You're site is the shit, you are very open minded and don't give a shit if you offend anybody or what anybody thinks of you and that is cool as fucking shit. As a punk I believe in a lot of the shit you speak about on there, I hate the way this country is turning out, I hate sand niggers....you get the point. I believe anybody who is willing to speak up and be as offensive and open about their opinions and not give two shits about what people say or think is fucking awesome. I have favorite placed you're website and well be checking for more posts and shit on there every so often. Keep it real dude.

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From: Neeya

Date: 5/12/10

Subject: Thank God you don't get much mail. You'll obviously read this ^_^

Hey AJ,

I know you'd have heard this a whole lot from most of your fans but I'm going to say it anyway - I LOVE YOU!! You're the awesomest writer I've ever EVER read... You're cool and funny and well... perfect!

Sometimes I wish I was like you... Sometimes.

I've started these own blogs of mine which are kinda pathetic and filled with bullshit. I write stories, got three novels, crap and sad poems, rant writing is not exactly my forte. I just do it when I'm angry (90% of the time nowadays) But then I'm also really busy. I've started with a new school and their curriculum is vastly different from our old one, I'm having trouble coping up... Sorry, I'm typing non-sense again! So here are the links (which I hope you'll check when you get the time)  (Links removed by AJ, because I don't want to see dipshits hassling this girl) I admit they aren't really great but I don't even think they're that bad. (nothing, absolutely nothing can compare to your site!)

Okay, mail's long enough now; Mainly because I fought with my Mother and locked myself up in the room... Sorry-- I can get VERY tangential!

Thanks,
Tonnes of love,
Neeya.

PS- please reply, if you don't I'll... umm... uhh... err... Oh I'll do something! But do reply!

PPS- My counselors said I have ADD, so you could disregard the earlier PS... On second thoughts- DON"T!!!

 

Fear not readers, for I did respond to Miss Neeya.

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From: Jim S.

Date: 4/18/10

Subject: (No Subject)

Right on dude!  I have to hear this shit every day.  The music is super obnoxious but mostly it's that fucking modified exhaust that they all have these days.  I can here them from blocks away.  I will never get how they think people like this.  Anyway, thanks for your site.  Jim.

 

(Jim is referring to this article)

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From: Ruth B.

Date: 2/20/10

Subject: Hey read this

Angryjerk rules

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From: Michael Coon

Date: 11/23/09

Subject: antidefamation article

Dear angryjerk,

I read your article on the anti-defamamtionleague and enjoyed it. I saw that verse matthew 10-44-48 which of course was changed to love thy enemies verse in todays bible. Could you provide a link where you got your version of that verse?

thanks
mikecoon

 

It's apocryphal.

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From: Sky Blue

Date: 6/7/09

Subject: none

AJ,

You are the biggest fucking ass I have ever seen. Damn.... I like you. Ha ha You speak your mind, fuck shit up... Why can't there be more

ass holes out there? If you haven't figured it out yet, I am severally MESSED up person, but I admire you. You are my HERO, man.

What is the title of your book? I will so go out and buy it NOW.

 

Thanks,

Marlena

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From: Thilo S. (For those who are wondering, yes, this is the same Thilo from Ninjapirate.com)

Date: 2/4/09

Subject: ...

Where in the World is Morgan Spurlock's dignity. With that kind of photoshopping skills, you might just become a threat one day.
Ciao

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From: Jenn K.

Date: 10/8/08

Subject: hey asshole

i love your site and so does my son. listen to these clips i took on my cell an post them. please dont put my email adress up tho

jenn

The clips:

 

That's right, I'm in your internets corrupting your youth. AVE VERSUS CHRISTUS!

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From: Perkele

Date: 4/11/08

Subject: Very True Things on Your Site

Hey, Angry_Jerk.  I've been reading some of your updates, and there are some things you've said that I think are very accurate and can connect with. In the one about why music today sucks, you mention rap music and how it promotes being a fucking idiot.  I know all these dumbasses at my school who think they're better than everyone else because they're so ghetto, even though that's nothing to be proud of.  I'm not saying this is all the black people I know. I do know black people who are cool and white people who act like fucktards, but in general, obviously, more blacks act ghetto than whites. What's true also is how you said they're the type of people who'll get all pissed if you look at them wrong.  I experienced just that yesterday.
 
I was in my Earth science class, and we were taking a test in which we had to identify minerals.  I was in line to look at one, and one of those guys who thinks he's so much better than you because he's a ghetto moron was behind me.  I turned around just to see who was there, and he made that obnoxious clicking noise that's so typical of people like him when they get pissed off, if you know what I'm talking about. 
 
He said, "What you lookin' at?" 
 
I replied,"Leave me alone, you fucktard."
 
"You dun say dat ta me!"
 
I knew I had to let him know how he's not as superior as he thinks he is (in fact he's not at all).  I'm pretty sure he thinks this because most white people just accept it when black people act like assholes even though they don't do that for people of their own race (which is racist), so he's gotten the idea that this is ok. Also, since I've seen lots of girls (I am one) take shit from guys like this (and are even attracted to them, as you've mentioned), I was going to be the one giving him shit.  I told him could say whatever I wanted to him because he was an idiot. He was so goddamn surprised and pissed off.  When I was examining the mineral, he demonstrated that he has the attention span of a two-year-old, because after about one minute of me looking at it, he got all whiny and bitched at me to hurry up.  I told him to shut up and that I would take as long as I wanted to.
 
 
Well, today in that class, that same guy threw a notebook across the room for no apparent reason.  My teacher asked who did it, and since I hate the guy who threw it, I pointed at him and said he did it.  He got sent out into the hall, and all of these other ghetto fuckers in my class started calling me a snitch. One of them, who is arguably even more idiotic than the one who I snitched on, said that I should get ready to get beaten down.  This guy is always rapping and talking about how much he loves violence, how many bitches he has, etc.  That reminded me about how you said that these people are reinforcing the stereotypes Martin Luther King Jr. worked to get rid of, while they ironically enough all see him as one of their heros.
 
I know that's a long rant, but I wanted to tell you how I see what you're talking about on your site all the time.